I'm Mom of three here who has rebuilt her sex life after each kid and an autoimmune disorder decimated my libido after baby number three. Here's how we came out of a six month dryspell after our last baby (who is now 4 for context).
- I stopped waiting for my libido to magically show up – and I started tuning into really small moments or cravings to connect. I didn't wait for "omg i need to have you now" and instead took " I want to be near you" as an invitation to open myself to sex – always without pressure. I looked for the maybe moments.
- I learned how to build the bridge from mommy mode to landed lover mode and my husband learned what works to get shifted as well. We built a literal cheat sheet of strategies so that when I had a maybe moment we could focus on what would get me feeling sexy instead of winging it.
- We scheduled naked sexy fun times, not sex. There's a difference. Naked sexy fun time is literally that – time we play together naked – no focus on orgasm, no focus on intercourse, the less pressure there is the more likely we will both have a good time.
- We started debriefing. We treated ourselves as beginners, and started noticing what initiation prompts worked, what moves worked, what pace worked, what music worked… we took nothing for granted and learned all new ways of pleasing and teasing each other.
- We talked openly about what worked and what didn't, we talked together about what our ideal sex life would look like for that season, and we continue to have those conversations all the time.
100% honesty the single biggest thing that made a difference in our relationship was my partner training for law enforcement and learning deescalation communication strategies – (think hostage negotiations). It allowed him to listen without getting defensive and mirror my struggles back to me in a way that made me feel much more heard. This helped across the board.
Would love you know if folks have tried these strategies -and what has worked for you!