It’s almost been 3 months now and I can’t shut it up. At all hours of the day I have this monologue in my head that keeps going on about where I went wrong, where he went wrong, how things could’ve turned out, reasons why I shouldn’t miss him, reasons why I should, different fantasies with different outcomes, or just replaying memories. It gets ridiculously loud at night when I’m trying to sleep and it keeps me up well into the a.m.
I start university in a few days and I’m trying to get a job. I’ve been trying to keep myself busy with the gym and my current odd jobs, hanging around with friends when I can. Do I just let time do its thing or is there a better way to help?
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You’re brain is just trying to process something that it doesn’t want to accept yet. Time is part of the answer, but it’s not passive. Healing is like physical therapy after an injury: you need time and deliberate effort. If nights are the hardest, create a bedtime ritual that gives your mind something else to chew on, such as audiobooks, meditations, or podcasts, to fill the mental space so the breakup loop doesn’t dominate. Starting university is a good thing. New people, new environment, new structure, it will help your brain build fresh associations instead of replaying old ones.
The loop won’t last forever. One day, it’ll feel quieter, and eventually, it’ll stop demanding your attention at all.
You don’t deal with the voice in your head, you make friends. It’s not against you.
That’s always been part of my grieving process.
Once you get to university, try and socialize. Meeting new guys can spark hope for the future, rather than feeling on the past.
Not a guarantee, but try.
Sometimes it feels like that voice is just trying to keep you company… but there’s power in redirecting that energy into something new, like a fresh start, or even just a good walk with the dog, and trust me, I’ve seen how far a little distraction can take you when you’re stuck in your head.
Past is totally immutable, forsake all relationships as soon as they end and never reconsider the other person romantically! Move forward with the good you can identify, the rest will only hold you back.
I have the same problem. If it’s too much, I will tell myself “STFU, nobody cares!”
Maybe try journaling your thoughts each night… it can help you offload them so they don’t take up space in your head anymore and you can start fresh each morning.
that voice is just your brain trying to process grief on loop, it’s normal but exhausting. keeping busy helps, but also try writing it all out — journaling can quiet it down a lot. if it’s still running you ragged after a while, therapy can give you tools to shut it up faster than just waiting it out