So I matched with this woman on the apps.
In her bio, she describes herself as looking for a FWB, defining the term as someone to have a sexual relationship with, as well as an emotional, but not a romantic connection.
Since I am currently single, not looking for a long-term partner, once had a similar FWB arrangement and liked it very much, I swiped right.
We texted and had a phone call, clarifying what it is that we're looking for: someone to meet and have sex with once or twice a week, but no twenty-minute booty calls. It would be nice to have proper dates where you take your time, have sex more than once, talk, maybe cook or watch a movie, and also feel an emotional connection – which is what the "friends" part of "friends with benefits" is about. We agreed that would probably make the sex better. On the other hand, we would not be introduced into each other's social circles or family. We both ruled out a LTR, for different reasons. Sounded good to me.
Since we were on the same page about that, we agreed to have a date. The date was nice! We talked for about two hours, about relationships, sex, experiences dating, but also other things, and discovered some things and interests we had in common. There was physical attraction, too, if I can trust my body language 101 (playing with her hair, exposing neck, body turned towards me, touching my arm with her hand while talking).
On my way home, I texted her a restaurant recommendation I had promised, and told her that I like her and I would love to continue.
I expected her to either reply that she would love that, too, or that there wasn't enough attraction on her side. What she wrote instead threw me off a bit: she said that she didn't feel enough emotional distance. We were too close, and so I could become "dangerous" to her, which ruled out a FWB arrangement. Hadn't seen that coming.
Obviously I'm a bit bummed out. I really would have liked to see her again, our shared idea of FWB sounded great to me and I could see myself in that sort of arrangement with her. But I'll have to admit, a LTR is out of the question for me.
Of course I'll respect her decision, and I'm not really asking for advice either. What are you gonna do? It is what it is.
I really just wanted to get it off my chest by writing about it, and maybe exchange some thoughts. Be my buddy having a beer with me at the bar, and tell me what you think. Tell me what you think I need to hear, but remember you're still my buddy! 😀
Do you think she meant what she wrote, about the lack of emotional distance? Have you experienced a similar sort of emotional "danger" yourself, and withdrawn from a potential FWB situation because of it? Or is it just a clever way to let me down easy, because this way of putting it is somehow more flattering than telling me there was not enough attraction? If you found yourself in a similar situation once, was that the end of it, or did your story continue in any sort of way, good or bad?