Maybe I’m just boring, or maybe it’s the autism. I’ve always been more of a one-on-one person than a group interaction person. I don’t vibe with big, loud gatherings, though sometimes I wish I had that kind of energy.
For example, my boyfriend recently invited me out with his work friends and his sister. His sister created the whole vibe, high energy, talking nonstop about herself, her day, her major, her goals. Everyone was laughing, engaging, or just soaking it in. Meanwhile, I was overstimulated (it was late, and group settings drain me unless I’m drunk). I ended up asking to leave.
Later, my boyfriend said everyone loves his sister, even two of his friends admitted they’d want to sleep with her. I didn’t get it. To me, she was overwhelming.
Then I saw a video criticizing people who dislike that kind of energy, saying if you do, you’re just jealous or boring. It hit a nerve because I do worry about coming across as uninteresting. When people ask about me, I give minimal answers, afraid they don’t really care. I can’t imagine anyone wanting to sit and listen to me talk about myself the way his sister did.
But maybe it’s just that connections happen differently for me. With my friends, things flow naturally, no performance, no pressure. Maybe I’m not boring; maybe I just don’t thrive in spaces where "entertaining" is the currency. Idk, I feel critical of myself at the moment and I do wish I was like the sister, except that it makes me wonder if the bonds such people create are deep or long-lasting enough.