I’m not sure what I’m hoping to gain from this post, but maybe some will relate.
I was a very extroverted kid, always making friends. Having to switch schools over ten times from middle school to high school graduation quickly ruined my confidence and my social skills fell behind. I experienced rejection from friends, of course everyone faces “mean girls” at that age, but by 7th grade I was very shy and awkward. Eventually in high school I stopped trying to make friends and be cool, not only because it was draining but it was pointless because my parents moved a lot. I graduated from a school I had only gone to for a semester, with 0 friends in my grade. I thought I’d have friends but 5-6 girls who invited me to sit with them during a class started to whisper about me because I was quiet. So I sat somewhere else, and they laughed about it.
People still approach me, I like to think I look put-together and kind. But I feel like I quickly disappoint them because I am quiet, shy, and don’t talk the same way most young adults do. I started a new job that I have since resigned from, mainly because it wasn’t a good fit for me. While this is not the reason I quit, my coworkers, mainly people my age (18), always had to point out that I was quiet. Wow, I had no idea. I get along better with older people because I just can’t grasp whatever it is that people my age expect in conversations. People 25+ are easy to talk to.
I’ve observed that people my age seem to have a lot of filler words, and are very uncomfortable with even a second of silence during a conversation. I can’t relate to that at all. I try very hard to talk like them and seem interesting, but I’m not myself when I do. When I talk to my husband (19), I can go on endless tangents and talk very quickly. Around strangers it’s like my brain freezes up and that witty part of me isn’t accessible.
It’s just incredibly frustrating because while people don’t directly say it, I know they are judging me. I don’t see myself as awkward, I just can’t seem interesting to others my age. I’m not blaming other people, I know my upbringing and personality makes me different socially. It’s not their fault. But I wish some people were more understanding. While I’m shy, I really try to be kind to everyone.