I, M[30] started dating a Girl [23] 3 months ago. We met at the gym, and were taking things slow, I've already talked to her a few times but actually asked her out to do run together, since we are both active, almost exactly 3 months ago. Then a few weeks later, we kissed a couple of times and then I told her I'm having a week of vacation with my friends, which in reality was just one friend – my ex.
My ex is close to me, since we were almost a family around 4 years ago, but we grew apart and since then split up. We lived together for 2 years, but now rarely meet even for coffee. We had tragic moments together, she had 2 miscarriages, one in 8th month which devastated us both, we arent sleeping together, at least over a year. On those vacations I told her I met a new girl which I dont know where it all leads, what she really thinks yet but I would like it works out. She wished me luck and hoped we can stay in touch.
A week later I told new girl Im invited to the wedding, she asked "Is this this by your gf?". I said no – just a colleague I promised long time ago that I will attend the wedding. On the wedding I told ex that Im catching feelings for the girl Im seeing and I hope it works out.
Few days later – around a month into the situation things got fast, I started sleeping with new girl and spent almost all the time with her. I've actually never been more happier in a relationship. And after 1 month of this next stage I asked If she would like to go on vacation with me. She agreed.
On vacation it was all fine, until she stormed inside the hotel room while I was doing some work packed herself and left. I called, I texted and after a while she replied with a photo that my ex took on vacation where my back is turned to camera and she hugs me. I dont have socials, didnt knew about photo, I told her I can explain and she agreed to meet.
It was then the actually the first time we talked about my ex, and my past romantic life. I then told her about why I took ex on vacation, what I told my ex about her (that I really like her and hope we can be together) and that I only want to be with her. She then respondended that she messaged her and "let's see what she will tell me" – from what I know ex responded with true that we had a past together but are no longer dating, and that I'm a good person, not playing both sides. She asked If I cheated I said – no, never – which is true.
She also grabbed my phone asked how we contact and I told her I have ex in restricted mode in messenger, she told me to show her. I then show her my phone, she looks throught that, scrolling and I only remember her saying "Oh, she bought you a shirt".
She then called me names and thats its not normal that im still beeing in touch with ex, to which I responded that I only do that because we had a past together, almost a family, she is also in debt, half-orphan and had a mental breakdown in which I was scared she will hurt herself.
She calmed down, we went back to hotel and since the flight was tomorrow we went on a walk on which I asked her about whether I can do anything to get her back to which she said "I dont know"
Next day we had a flight in the evening so we went for last breakfast together, where I couldnt eat and started thinking with tears in my eyes, she asked me "what am I thinking about" but I couldnt speak, so I went back to the room.
In the room, I got overwhelmed by emotions, she opened the door and found me sitting on the bed crying. I told her crying my eyes out, thats its actually the first time I cry in 6 years, since I saw the body of my unborn daugther in the coffin and that I cried then because I was powerless and now I cry because I let her down, and its actually the best relationship I had ever, I was first time happy, after many times Ive been used and cheated and I never know I will fell in love with her, and that she dont have to say a word I just wanted to lift this burden of my shoulders. She then didnt say a word but gave me her hand and hugged me.
We went to the airport where we started to speak almost normal again, I sometimes grabbed her hand, kissed her forhead and she rested her head on my shoulder.
After filght I drove her home in silence, where I only hugged her goodbye saying "Sorry for letting you down"
Next day I asked her If we will ever see each other again, and that I left to visit my parents. To which she said "unfortunately yes, because we go to the same gym" and also she will leave my stuff to be picked up by my Brother with whom I live, and by the way she also wants her stuff back.
We havent exchange any information since.
Tell me, honestly what should I do. I cant stop thinking and overthinking.
Should I wait till we meet in gym?
should I reach out?
should I wait till she reaches out?
Am I a scumbag?
Should I ask her again for a second chance?
Is it all lost and Im just a hopeless idiot?
Or maybe 3 months is nothing and I overreact completelty?