Hey everyone!
So my boyfriend and I (female) are in our very late teens and a fairly new couple. Neither of us are particularly experienced (I am his first sexual + romantic partner, he is my second) but we're enthusiastic and once we get into it, it's great! We also have similar libidos, so I don't believe this is a frequency issue, nor have I ever rejected him in any other aspect for him to be nervous about that based on experience.
In the approximate 10 or so times we've been sexual together, I have been the one to initiate everything. Usually we cuddle and it escalates from there, with me being the first to kiss his body and essentially lavish him in physical attention that heats up. I may do this a few times before he starts reciprocating. He doesn't have an interest in lip-to-lip contact, so making out is off the table. But if I don't spell it out for him and take the first few steps, he won't make a move.
For example, one time I wore lingerie and explicited told him how I wanted to give him a blowjob in that moment. He kinda just laughed it off, and we didn't end up having sex until a while later when I intitiated the cuddling thing. Another is that I'll send spicy pics with a message of how much I wish he were here, and he'll respond something like "aww" before changing the subject (he has no boundary regarding not sending him these types of pics or NSFW stuff over text).
Once things really escalate though, he doesn't have much issue taking the next step, so I really don't think it's that he's disinterested in sex or not attracted to me at all. When he does make the next move, I always praise or compliment him, and overall show gratitude. I'd say we're pretty equal in terms of giving in bed.
I want to know how to communicate this to him and/or give him confidence as admittedly, his lack of initiation does hurt at times. I know it's not crazy common for your partner to be "feral" for sex just by looking at you or small gestures, but even when I'm naked and telling him how much I want him while touching him, he doesn't pounce. It makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong or simply am not that desirable to him 😞. At the same time, with all of this relationship stuff being new to him, I don't want to overwhelm or pressure him either. The last thing I want is for sex to feel like a chore or something scary.
Other important info:
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He does not watch porn
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Our relationship is great outside of the bedroom. We're compatible in just about every aspect, and we haven't had an argument or anything like that. Pretty healthy and happy!
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He isn't particularly shy outside of this issue. He's sociable, speaks his mind often, and has no issue tackling difficult subjects