I (20f) and my bf (21M) had been together for almost a year and a half. We moved in together into a 1 bedroom as we are students to save money. Right off the bat during that whole summer, I was the only one who spent the time to do the house searching, emailing, calling, paperwork process of it all. What did he do? Complain and knit pick at each property at a city that has competitive limited housing. We lost 2 potentials ready for a deposit that I set up as he didn't like them. Fine whatever.
He then invited me to stay at his mum's house as it was closer to the uni than mine. Fast forward a month in, he asked me to send him £350 to send to his mum £700 from the both of us for the month of our stay. Not to sound ungrateful but we paid for our own groceries, we cooked our own food (his mum never cooked for us), she had kicked us out 3x to bring her dick appointment over and the loft above us set on fire so my ex's bedroom was filled with rubble.) Apparently his older brother and girlfriend stayed for a similar duration and didn't need to pay. Fine.
Fast forward this lack of initiative and responsibility shift bled in different areas from not being able to plan anything for us both to taking on serious house responsibilities. Fine.
I suggested initally that we could do 1 week I pay for groceries for us both and 1 week he pays for us both next. I knew it would be unfair but I didn't mind as I loved him, I'm 5'1 50kg and he's 5'9 goes to the gym. Our diets are very different and he is very picky (he won't eat foods he doesn't like the taste of) while I am less picky. I didn't mind accommodating his tastes when it came to me cooking meals for us both. My love language is cooking. I suggested the split with the expectation he'll contribute more in a different area. We split bills and rent 50/50. Cooking separately would increase the costs so I compromised myself to save finances.
Fast forward 10 months later, there had been weird health problems occurring with me getting hives that limited my physical capabilities. My self esteem was low and I felt like a burden so I overcompensated by doing more house chores as I was worried, to put in perspective I did everything else while he only did the dishes and bins (I have contamination OCD and sensitive hands to soap.) Me laying on him, skin to skin would lead to hives. This was also a stressful time for me as my parents were having problems financially which led me to doing some unethical thing for money. I subconsciously knew he wouldn't realistically be able to help or want to help as he had shown in the past he was quite stingy with money regarding me. I delt with it silently, working the funds to my parents while keeping it hidden to not hurt his feelings.
I took a shower, I came back and he was extremely upset/angry with me. He went through my phone and looked through the text messages between my best friend. She and I were joking about the situation as well its a shitty situation for me to be in that is how I cope. He lost it, I explained my family's financial problems and debt I had been helping but he was more upset of the betrayal of me not telling him than my actual problems. He claimed "he would've done anything to help me." Out of guilt and respect for him I ended my only source of income.
Fast forward he now has a part time job, I don't due to my health problems occurring recently. My parents financial problems have gotten better but still not amazing. I am now in a not so good financial state with very limited funds now.
I mentioned how our current set up isn't too fair as before I was in a ok financial spot for it to work but now it's not longer viable. I suggested could we either do a joint bank and he pays 70, I pay 30 in there or we could just buy our own ingredients. Leading to the second point of how he told me to "not accommodate his food tastes when cooking" but my concerns were the fact, cooking individually would increase bill costs that we split. I asked if it would be possible that instead of taking me out or buying me gifts, could he redirect those funds to the utility bills such as electicity or water as that'll mean a lot more to me than short term gratification. He lost it. Claiming how he's in a similar situation as me and he needs to save for the future and that I was making him send money as compensation for him being a bad bf and that I was using him as a "piggy bank" (never in my life have I asked him for money or to purchase anything for me.)
That was it. I told him he we treating me like a roommate while I've been treating him like a partner. We should just be roommates. I'm now unsure of what to do as we have a tenancy together. I just don't know. It has been 2 days, my hives have decreased and my skin has cleared up almost completely.
TL;DR: I addressed how uneven the funds were being distributed, he lost it and became defensive then accusing me after of using him for money.