I have sexual assault trauma, so I’m not someone who enjoys physical touch. For example, I don’t like hugging or any kind of physical contact with people I’m not close to, especially men. Recently, I went on a date — my first date in years. It was a big step for me to even try, knowing what I’ve been through.
When I met the guy, he hugged me. I hugged him back because I didn’t want to seem standoffish or scare him away. It’s not that I’m terrified of touch, it’s just not something I like. But while we were sitting on a bench, he sat really close, grabbed my waist, and pulled me as close as possible and kept his hands on me. He kept commenting on how small I am, saying things like I’d be “easy to grab.” That made me really uncomfortable. When he pulled me closer, I pushed him away, and it got awkward for a few seconds.
As we walked, he again asked about my weight and height, and asked to pick me up to see how “light” I was. I refused, and when he asked if I don’t like being touched, I told him no — not just with him, but in general. I was uncomfortable but also aware i might be overreacting.
He also kept asking me sexual questions, like whether I was a virgin, and kept suggesting we go back to his place, which I turned down multiple times. Later, he offered me a ride home. In the car, he put his hand on my thigh and squeezed it. I pushed his hand away firmly, and he just said “oh.” The rest of the ride was really awkward, and I barely said goodbye before leaving.
Now, I’m wondering how awkward I came across. Are the things that bothered me on the date “normal” for most people? I feel like some things like the hug or him pulling me closer might be normal things he’s done with women before on a first date. Maybe I just overreacted because of my trauma. I’m 22, and this was basically my first date, which makes it more embarrassing. The whole experience left me feeling weird and wondering if I should even bother trying again.