I (23F) have been dating my boyfriend (23M) for almost 7 years. From early on, his mom has gotten upset if he spends “too much” time with me. He even used to lie about where he was going so she wouldn’t feel upset. It’s like she wants to remain the main female in his life.
Recently, my boyfriend has become more independent and honest — he doesn’t hide when we’re together and is setting boundaries. Things between us have been really good.
But the other day, she made a comment that really bothered me. She said: “You don’t just have one female in your life, you have multiple, and there is room for everybody here,” implying he needs to balance his time. She also criticized him for not hanging out with his sister enough and for spending time with my family. I’m not close with his family because of her — I used to try, but the relationship never progressed, and I realized it wasn’t me, it was her. She says she “loves” me, but it feels surface level — like she keeps me at arm’s length while still trying to control how much time he spends with me.
I don’t want him to feel pressured into going backwards just to appease her, but I’m angry at how manipulative this feels. I want to protect the growth he’s made in our relationship and as a person.
TL;DR: My boyfriend’s mom told him: “You don’t just have one female in your life, you have multiple, and there is room for everybody here,” guilt-tripping him to balance his time with everyone. She’s mad he’s not hanging out with his sister enough and criticizes him for spending time with my family (which I’m not close to because of her). She says she loves me but keeps things surface level. He’s finally setting boundaries, but her comments feel controlling. Is this toxic?