I don't know if anyone has been through anything similar that could help. Most of my adult life I've suffered from anxiety disorder and depression, which kind of runs in the family via my mother's side. I have been on medication for large parts of it too. Due to this I've been in and out of jobs, mostly lower paid/skilled work. Also, I've never been particularly academic, but managed to scrape through college with reasonable (not great) grades. Anyway, not long before the the pandemic I lost my job because of my mental health issues. Then the pandemic hit and I had a bit of breakdown. Then my dad got sick and I was helping to care for him for a while.

I gained a lot of weight and went into a spiral of alcohol and overeating to feel better about myself. I lost so much confidence and self belief. I basically ended up in a rut and lost direction in life. Anyway, I lost the weight and managed to get back into reasonable fitness again, but I was left with shot confidence and low self worth. I still feel like this to this day. I have no real direction. I have no degree or worthwhile qualifications. If I had the academic ability I would return to education, but I know I would struggle and that is a big concern for me. I don't know what the next step would be to take, so if anyone could give any advice at all it would mean a lot. I just want some form of goal to focus on and a direction in life, especially my work life.


11 comments

  1. Focus on your health.

    Then figure out a license or certificate that interests you and would help you get a job.

  2. The first thing I would focus is your mental health. Find hobbies where you can socialize with people. It can through activities like hiking or volunteering. Being around people can help you build a support system. You can find some ideas on what you want to do by talking to people.

    [EDIT] Quit social media. It makes anxiety and depression a lot worse when you are comparing your life to others who seem to be doing better. It’s all fabricated.

  3. Go gym, count calories, drink water, take supplements, everyday. Focus on this first and the path will come along the way.

  4. Write it all down. Make a list of everything from health to finances to social life to hobbies. What direction are you headed in right this second if you make no change?

    Write down where you would like to be for all those things. What steps need to be taken for each one?

    Don’t have any idea for where you want your life to go? Then your new hobby is researching new hobbies, careers, places to go, etc.

    I did this when I was feeling similar. Made some big changes. Got WAY into hiking/backpacking and now that is my passion and I live for it and the community. So much fun to research a new hike, plan it, and execute it. Meet a lot of great people in the process.

    I also started RN school and am almost done.

    Started playing the guitar a lot more and am actually getting gigs now.

    Went plant based (mostly) to take control of my health.

    Make myself spend time with people a couple of times a week.

    Just some ideas/examples. It’s okay to be a little lost! Just don’t get bummed out about it or linger there. Make a decision and stick with it

  6. All of this is good advice, but I will offer a different suggestion. (Maybe think of it as a complementary suggestion, as following most of the advice posted would be good.)

    You could also focus on the career part first, which essentially involves deciding to “fake it till you make it” on the confidence, etc.

    Basically, pick a job that you know you can move up in and hopefully be relatively secure. Start working at it, even in a low-paying position. Focus on consistency, being a great employee and co-worker, always showing up on time, getting your work done. Over time success there will build confidence that will extend to other areas. If you’ve done weight loss I think the mindset is similar, and if you’ve successfully lost weight you have the discipline and ability to do this.

    The hard part can be picking a job/path, I know. Have you looked at somewhere like Costco where the pay and benefits are pretty good but it’s not too hard to get in the door? What other jobs have appealed to you in the past?

  7. Write down where you want to be. That can be many things as mental state, job, housing, whatever. 
    Write down how you can go about achieving those goals and mini goals. 

    Apply small steps method.

  8. Find a job, what did you do in school? Might as well lean into whichever direction youve already got some skills in.

    Furthermore, start a journal and ask yourself some questions every day.. start in the morning with…

    1: what’s the most important thing to do today?
    2: what am I grateful for?
    3: what qualities do i want to show the world today?

    Then in the evenings..

    1: what went well today?
    2: what can I do better tomorrow?
    3: what did i do for someone else today?

    You dont have to go into great details about them, but just simple things that you’d lile to address in your daily life. It could take 5 minutes in the mornings and 5 at night.
    Do these every day and with time youll start to find yourself working towards new goals and appreciating more about everything in life.

    I learned these from Dr. Rangan Chatterjee through books and podcasts and I feel like he has indirectly helped me through alot in my life.

    I hope this helps you find your way.. stay strong

  9. Get a direction! What do you really want? What makes you happy getting it? If you can answer that, strive for it and everything else solves itself – kind of.

  10. I havent been where you are, but I do believe that men need something to do during the day. I’d take any ol job at this point and just work on having a routine and a little money. Stability, even at shit wages, can help you start to get some clarity. 2pm on a Tuesday is a shitty time to be home with nothing going on, generally. That’s prime anxiety time. You *should* be doing x y z but you’re not.

    I think having a real solid long term plan can wait for a few months. Right now you just need a routine where you make a little money. Once you settle into that, you can start making the next step and the one after that and so on.

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