Me (34 f) and husband (34 m) have been married for 3.5 years and have a 18 month old. We also have a business (dental office) that we opened two years ago..I am the dentist and my husband runs the operations of the business. He is more involved than me.
Back story, my husband had his own business in a city 1 hour away from where we live. He moved here where I lived after we got married because he loves the location and we were happier here than where he is from. He was doing an hour commute back and forth everyday for about 2 years. But since we opened up the dental business and I got pregnant, my husband decided to step away and dive
Into this full time which he is doing a great job at managing. I worked full time at the office all throughout my pregnancy and came back 2 weeks after an emergency c section as it was a new business and I needed to be there. My baby was raised during the week by my family members (mom and cousin) who stayed with us during the week while I worked. They both live 1.5-2 hours away. They alternated weeks to come and help us. It was a great set up but cousin started school and cannot help anymore during the week, mom also has more responsibilities come up. I don’t have the best luck with Nannies and babysitters and am way more comfortable with family being with my kids.
Now, we are finally at a place where we hired another doc to work, and I go in as needed, am fully commited to raising my daughter, focusing on health, and trying to have another. We do plan on opening a second location that I can go in and work 2-3 days a week as needed. My husband still plans on splitting his time between both locations which are about 30 minutes from each other.
Since we have a child, I have relied on my family for help and support more than ever, but with the 2 hour distance, most of my friends or family don’t visit unless I go back home which ends up being most weekends anyways. The weekends I don’t go back home, my parents come and spend time at my house. It gets tiring to do this every weekend. For the record, I do know that husband is priority but I’m very close to my parents and for my mental health, I do like to see them almost every weekend, plus it works well for my daughter and parents as well. The issue is we don’t have local support, or much family help where we live and in the 4 years we’ve failed to make meaningful connections, leading me to feel very isolated and lonely. A very deep friendship breakup in the area also has made me jaded to make new friends..Most of my weekends are taken up visiting friends and family back home, and staying with my parents (which my husband loves as well, since my dad and brothers are his best friends). Although I love staying at my moms on the weekends, I do crave to host things and have weekends in my own space.
Our plan before we had the baby was to settle where we live, as we loved it here. Since I had her, I feel the need to be closer to family and friends, and would like to move an hour away, towards them. My husband is hell bent on staying where we live, due to a closer commute to work and our business. He wants to build a home here. We have a lot that is build ready..and I’d like to build something closer to family (as once we break ground it’s a big financial undertaking and I don’t want to do it where I don’t want to settle or am unhappy). This is causing fights between us as we want two complete seperate things. I have the mindset, that if we move an hour away, to be closer to friends and family, and have more of a daily support system, if we build there, we don’t have to move or sell in the future. Another suggestion my husband presented was that we build closer to family, and due to his commute, (he’d do an hour 4-5 days a week and I’d only need to do it 2 days a week and have family watch kids those days) he stays at our current home a few days of the week when he’s too tired to do the drive and then comes to where we build when the work week ends. We already spend 1-2 nights apart during the week as I am often at my moms for commitments (parents drs appts, family events). It works well for us, as I get to be home, and husband get to have some space to do his own thing..I don’t want to do that forever as we have young kids and I believe family should stay together. Plus, spending time apart will get harder once we have more than one child. I am just very energetically checked out from where we live and I am depressed as a new mom. He is only seeing it from his angle, and his practical views. It’s making us both resentful of each other.