A little context – We're usually a very good, strong couple with a lot of understanding for each other. Married for nearly a year, we have a 2 month old, from the outset of the pregnancy she pushed to be a stay at home mum and for me to work full time.
I currently work in a senior position at a job that I really like which could lead to lifelong career when my current contract ends next summer. During school holidays my workplace opens later (until 6pm) so twice per week I work 10:30-6:30 instead of the more preferable 8:30-4:30 which I started out on when it closed earlier. I have two team leaders under me and we all share the lates, with me already doing the least (8/month) and them doing 11-13 each.
My wife is very upset, and I mean rageful, bitter and resentful that I do this. I have tried explaining that it's part of the job, part of the position, that I work the fewest, that it's only for another month or so, that I can't force my team leaders to work my lates for me but she insists that I should push back and demand not to work any lates. She doesn't seem to understand that I wouldn't if I didn't have to. Whatever shift I'm working I get up at 4am to look after our 2mo so that she can get a solid chunk of uninterrupted sleep. I'm exhausted every day going from that, to work, to back home where I immediately do whatever she asks whether that's take the baby, clean up etc. But she still says I'm the one who gets a break by going to work and I couldn't do what she does.
I'm not disputing that looking after a baby on your own is extremely difficult and draining, but I don't think it's fair to make out like I have an easy life, make demands of me to compromise my job by basically saying, "my needs are more important than yours so I shouldn't work any lates" to my team and be plain unwilling to even try to understand my position.
She also keeps telling me that I have an attitude, however she is the first one to raise her voice, to snap, to find everything bad about a situation instead of everything good. I make a conscious choice to focus on the positives than the negatives i.e. "I can stay longer in the mornings, you get more sleep", "we can spend some additional time together since the evenings are so rushed". I think she also finds me talking calmly frustrating because I'm not matching her emotions, many a time it prompts her to ask me if I can just match her stress, which yes, I could, but I don't want to.
So er… Help? Any advice is appreciated whether in my favour or not, especially from any women who have been in my wife's position, what worked, what didn't, how you did or would have resolved this issue.
Thanks in advance, hopefully I haven't given enough away for her to recognise this is her husband posting because I can only imagine how that would end.