I had origanally posted this on another sub but i had lied about my age in a post i made a year ago (i was scarred people would bully me for being 16? idk i was dumb) and they thought the story was fake but it is unfortunatly real and I really want advice so im posting here if this is not allowed I understand i reformated it to match the rules of this sub sorry for any errors.
I (17F) go with my dad (41m) every other weekend. I have been dealing with a difficult and weird relationship dynamic with him for years, but a recent incident last weekend pushed me over the edge, and now I do not want to talk to him anymore, and if and how I can/should.
For slight context, my dad and my stepmom(30-something F) are divorced and broken up, but she still lets him come over on weekends when my sister(11f) and I are with him because he is couch surfing. He does not own the house, and I sleep in the living room when I visit. The living room also has a security camera in it.
I was talking to a friend (17m) on the phone on Friday and Saturday night. I do like him, and it is mutual. I am open about this with my stepmom and stepsisters, and if my dad had asked, I would tell him since I am pretty open about stuff like that. On Friday, I was wearing a tank top, one I wear to sleep often. I was not wearing a bra, and I was on an AUDIO call with my friend playing Minecraft. My dad comes by and asks me who I am talking to, and I say to a friend. He then leans over and starts saying how Minecraft is a stupid game for him to play and that he should get a PS5 like a real man or something like that. he has never met this guy. I told him he is playing on a PS5, and he goes back to my stepmom’s room. My top, being a tank top I sleep in, is low-cut and does not offer much support. Even though I do not have a lot going on in terms of boobage, it was one of those tank tops where you have to be careful of something slipping out. Because of this, I was constantly lifting it. And I guess I must have been instinctively lifting it whenever my dad came into the room or something. I know 100% for sure that I had pulled up my shirt in front of him while not on the phone as well.
Saturday night rolls around, and I am playing more games with my friend, and my whole family is out in the living room. I do not really care and keep playing, but I turn my audio down and mute occasionally. My dad starts making weird comments about how my friend sounds old and is probably Indian or not real? Even though I did not want my friend to hear this, he did. My dad then snatches the phone out of my hands and asks my friend his name. He says, "My name is Sanjay," that is not his name. he just said that because my dad said he was Indian, and he thought my dad was joking. My dad then yells into the phone, "FUCK YOU," and my stepmom is weirded out and asks him to stop. He hangs up on my friend and gives me my phone back. He accuses my friend of being disrespectful to him and me, and my stepmom is now mad at him. he starts quizzing me about him, and I have been talking about him for weeks with my sisters and my stepmom, so they are all telling him that he is real. We used to go to school together until he moved to a different state. He then says I was showing off my bra to him. And hiding the phone whenever my dad came into the room, now on Saturday night, I did have my video on, but I was wearing a long-sleeved sweetheart cut shirt. You could see one bra strap, but I found this a ridiculous claim, and even my stepmom pointed this out. He says that I was doing it yesterday, and showing off my bra and boobs to him on Friday night, and would pull up my shirt whenever my dad would come into the living room. I did not even have my camera on and there is a security camera in the living room. I was not even wearing a bra. I am not that stupid. so, despite telling him all of this, he flips out. Instead of believing me or respecting my privacy, he grilled me about it, acted like I was lying, and started insulting my friend in really inappropriate ways like saying he probably had a small penis. He kept interrogating me and then sat down across from me and smiled and got all quiet while saying I was getting really emotional because I started crying and when I told him it was because I was mad that my dad was accusing me of something so gross he kept smiling and calmly asked why I was getting so defensive in a weird creepy tone. As if that was some weird checkmate. It was really humiliating and honestly scary, because he even forced me to call my friend and threatened to break down the bathroom door when I tried to get away for space. While I was in the bathroom, he kept pounding on the door, saying he wanted to talk, but I kept asking for 20 minutes to collect myself first. I called my mom to get me, and he called her himself to tell her not to pick me up and that I was being overdramatic and would not stop arguing with him despite me trying to walk away multiple times and him following me. I left the bathroom to tell him to stop telling my mom not to pick me up. He swore at me and flipped me off multiple times. He even kept walking up to me very aggressively almost like he was charging me and my stepmom kept pushing him away. The best way to describe it was those videos of that girl with the emu that runs up to her all aggressive and then stops when she puts her hand up. The conversation shifted into us arguing about how present he is in my life (he is not that present) and then my mom picked my sister and I up.
This is not the first time he has been verbally abusive, manipulative, and just disrespectful toward me. he has made disgusting comments about me and my relationships before. (he once told me to stop sucking on my mom’s private parts because I always defend her to him.) and has threatened me before and when I asked him if he was threatening me, he backtracks and changes the narrative. For example, he was once pissed off. I refused to answer my phone after he kept calling me stupid and when I finally picked up he made some weird comment about if I hang up on him again he would drive over there and I wouldn't want that. I asked him what he was gonna do and why he was threatening me and he said that he would just talk to me. He definitely did not just want to talk to me. I’m just done with it. Every time this happens, he calls the next time it is his weekend and acts like nothing happened. I do not want to contact him again or visit him ever again. I have a sister who goes with him every other weekend, and he usually relies on me to talk to her since she does not have a phone, and I do not want to ruin their relationship, but I am just so tired of constantly being yelled at over trivial things.
My mom is different. We have had our issues, but she has never been abusive or threatening like my dad. But she also says I just need to stop arguing back at him. My stepmom sometimes tries to intervene, but she also enables a lot of his bad behavior. She texted me the next day to let my sister call him to say goodbye, but she did not want to, and if she did, I would have made her use my mom's phone, and he also called my mom and tried to get her to force me to call him. She didn't let him.
I don't want to talk to my dad anymore after he accused me of something so invasive and embarrassing without any proof? Is it too extreme to cut him off? I turn 18 in January and go to college 4 hours away in the spring so i know it will be easier to cut him off or maybe just reduce contact when i move but that is a few months away and i just dont know what to do in the mean time. i just worry about what my rights are to not see my dad. as a minor, and i even allowed to refuse to go? I really want to do this in a less destructive way.
tldr: Dad thought i was showing my chest off to a friend i was on the phone with, he blew up and got very aggressive, and it was the final straw and now i want to cut him off for his years of aggressive behavior.