45 comments

  3. This one might read snarky, but I say it from a place of compassion: I get over it by taking responsibility for the fact that I willingly participated in having sex. Just because the relationship didn’t pan out the way I expected or wanted doesn’t mean I was used.

  4. It helps me to not do it very often, and to pursue new and different partners to keep it fun.

  5. Step 1. Stop hooking up with the culprit in question. Block them everywhere. Goes without saying you can’t speak or be near that person ever.
    Step 2. Cry it out …. Sleep it off…. Take adequate rest and eat well.
    Step 3. Vent to your friends. If you don’t have any friends- acquire some.
    Step 4. Stay at home, cook pasta and have some đŸ· ✹🎀 girls night in đŸ€­đŸ„°
    Step 5. Buy something you’ve wanted to for a long time just for the fun of it. Maybe a nice dress… A toy… Or sth… Make yourself feel good.
    Step 6. Listen to happy songs. Pop songs. Light happy fun songs.
    Step 7. Cuddle a pet. ( Find one … Or volunteer at a shelter or something )
    Step 8. Write down a letter to your future self…talk about all the crap you’ve gone through…. And all the heartache and promise yourself you ll never put yourself in that situation ever again.
    Step 9. Continue living your life.
    Step 10. Don’t be hard on yourself. Cry if you want. Take care of yourself.

  6. I’ve felt that way before and giving myself space from the person and doing things that make me feel cared for helped the most.

  7. For anyone feeling like that I would sayyy It’s okay to feel hurt and used no shame in that. Healing takes time, and it’s not your fault at all. You deserve respect and love, not to be treated like a “use.” Surround yourself with people who see your worth and remind you of it. One day, you’ll be proud of how far you’ve come. You’re stronger than you think.

  9. Go get yourself a good orgasm then take yourself out to eat. Buy a bottle of wine whole you’re at is.

  10. I’m sorry you feel that way. You should feel satisfied and happy after the act, not used. Most likely the person you had sex with either did things you were not comfortable with, didn’t prioritize your pleasure, overstepped boundaries or did zero aftercare. In that case, it’s like them using you like a toy for masturbation. It’s horrible. Best advice imo is to stop sleeping with people who make you feel that way. It should be a positive experience for you, otherwise access denied and what’s the point of it all anyway?

  12. Use them back. After the deed, get up say bye. I have done that and literally had men begging to be with me.

  13. I Never got over the times I was used for sex. It’s a horrible thing!

    But going forward I’m the more careful. No sex before marriage/engagement

  15. Know your worth and dont give people access to you who dont deserve it moving forwards

  16. Best thing I’ve found for this is just taking my satisfaction into my own hands, since a lack of pleasure and orgasm on my part can lead to this type of resentment for me. I’ll rub my clit during PIV or use a vibe, etc. and I try my best to vet dates for qualities that have some overlap with sexual conscientiousness.

  19. I’ve been vetting my potential partners more carefully by waiting longer before having sex with them. This will hopefully weed out the people who are looking just for sex in the future. 

  20. I only have sex with people I genuinely like (in fact, love). When I genuinely want to a d when I feel that it isn’t transactional.

    I mean I’m now married so it is now the same 1 person. But you get my point. Casual sex or fucking dates who were essentially strangers and might ghost me 2 dates later was never really my thing.

    I’m not knocking casual sex, if you find it fun and liberating, crack on. Fuck as much as you want.

    But you know you don’t HAVE to do it of it makes you feel shitty, right? You can choose who you sleep with and when you do it. You can choose when you know someone well enough for you. Only habe sex when you want to and with the understanding that if it leads to nothing, that’s OK.

    Do not fuck a man to get him to like you or get him to hang around – it will not make him stay. It will not make him respect you.

    I am sorry youre feeling like this, and i hope you can work through it. My advice is this: Get a vibrator or two, find a therapist and stay single for a while.

  21. I say this with full love and understanding. If you want to be serious with a person, do not get naked with them until you are agreed in a committed relationship. If you have not established those boundaries and you’re doing it just to be liked then always assume you are being used for sex. I’m a plus sized Black presenting multiracial woman, so I don’t have as many options as someone who is not plus sized. I used to have sex with guys that talked nicely to me thinking I could get them to like me more and be in a relationship. I learned to love myself and ended up with an amazingly good looking guy who turns heads everywhere we go. Just love on yourself and do not give your body to people that don’t deserve it.

  22. Keep telling myself I did say yes and have no will to have sex at this point, wouldn’t recommend

  24. this is a familiar narrative for young people…it changes as you get older when you are confident and know your worth…let it soften and embrace your sexuality, your libido and your youth..

  26. You honestly have to just let that person go, block them if need be. Do what your inner peace requires of you. Been through a situation like this and it hurt more than words (wasn’t fully consensual at that point or ‘willingly participant’ as one user puts it.) I see it as an event in the past that no longer has power over the present/future💜

  28. Go into having sex with the purpose of actually enjoying it for yourself, too. I think when us women go into it with only the feeling of sharing love or subconsciously doing it because our partner wants to do it, we forget that we are also active participants who deserve to enjoy it. IMO, it’s why women tend to fake orgasms… we need to decenter men from the experience. It doesn’t mean you become a selfish lover, just more involved and looking out for your own pleasure too.

  29. kind of like any bad experience. you process it, remind yourself it says more about them than you, and focus on people who see you as more than a body. bonus points for doing something that makes you feel valued and grounded again.

  30. If you are feeling used for sex, the first step is being brutally honest with yourself about why it happened. That does not mean blaming yourself for someone else’s selfishness, but it does mean recognizing that when we give our bodies to men who have not proven themselves worthy, we hand them the power to take without giving. We are not just affecting ourselves, we are affecting how men see women collectively. Every time we allow access without commitment, we confirm to them that intimacy is cheap and disposable.

    You get over it by taking your power back. That means raising your standards, not your body count. Stop giving the most intimate part of yourself to men who would not even lift a finger for you outside the bedroom. Start demanding more, respect, effort, consistency, and commitment. When you protect your value, you send the message that women are not a free for all.

    And as for the one who used you, do not cry over someone who could not rise to the level of deserving you. Let the shame turn into resolve. The next time you share yourself, it will be with someone who has earned it, and in doing so, you raise the standard for all of us.

  32. Sex can often be transactional so that sucks. Just make sure you are not also continuing to have sex to get validation

  33. Personally I don’t think you do. In my case, I never did when I was casually seeing someone and we were using each other for that. It only stopped because I liked them more than they liked me and that never works for situations like these. If anything it was a lesson learned! Now I just don’t do that anymore – completely stopped hooking up altogether with anybody. I just have no interest now.

  34. The question is too broad. Were you referring to your spouse, your girlfriend/boyfriend, your friend, or random hook-ups? The answer depends.

  35. I can honestly say I’ve never been used for sex. In fact, I’m not entirely sure anyone has ever been attracted to me.

  36. Hasn’t happened to me but…I’d slap myself in the face and learn from the mistake. You’ve made a mistake, don’t let it happen again.

  37. Why do you feel like you’ve been used? Are you not willingly participating?

  38. If you’d be hurt to lose something, don’t give it away unless you’re okay with the risk that it might not be reciprocated. Be it time, money, your body, your trust.

    The feeling of being used almost always comes from an unspoken transaction you’ve created in your head. Sex will get me love. Loyalty will get me commitment etc. It’s not always malicious deception, sometimes it’s just miscommunicated expectations.

    Don’t create covert contracts with people. Be clear about your boundaries and expectations

  39. Talking about it with other people helps for me. Also trying to avoid men that use us for sex.

  40. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, it’s such an awful, gross feeling. 

    What helped me was learning to speak up. About not wanting to have sex, wanting to stop midway, wanting to only do certain acts, having hard “no’s”, etc. About wanting them to use a different technique, pressure, speed, etc, at any time, repeated as necessary. Speaking up about wanting them to talk more, or less, or about me, about themselves, about something else. 

    Basically, advocate for your own pleasure. ONLY have sex because you are horny and want to (specifically with them), and are safe. Not to “make them happy” or “because it’s been a few days” or “because that’s what a good gf/wife/empowered baddie does” or “because they’ll get wandering eyes if I don’t.” Only do it when you are super turned on. And pump the brakes if at any moment that changes. Do not allow yourself to be used. You are not an object, not a receptacle, not a tool, not a porn substitute. 

    To be clear, I’m not saying it’s your fault, I think this feeling goes hand in hand with being coerced, more often than not. But in my experience, people who use coercion fold when confronted head on. And your best weapon against them is your voice, loud and clear and advocating for your equal right to pleasure and sexual autonomy. I didn’t begin to get over it until I stopped participating in the dynamic by not speaking up (or continuing to sleep with people who refused to listen). 

  43. When I invested into being single, I invested into a large array of sex toys. I threw myself into work and building female friendships. It worked really well for me.

  44. There’s no easy way. From my personal experience, I understand that only time and a well maintained distance from this person can heal me.

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