My wife and I have been together for 15 years, we have a 14yo(not biologically mine) and a 12 year old which is mine. I got a vasectomy 5 years ago and got the all clear that i was sterile. We've been having unprotected sex ever since.

Recently we were having a discussion and she asked "what would you do if i told you i was pregnant" i said i would ask for a paternity test and she was shocked and said she is "hurt that i wouldnt trust her." I explained that I'm sterile and if i go and get checked and am still sterile that i 100% would want a paternity test.

She says she would give me one, but after that, would want a divorce. Am i crazy here or if I get checked and i'm sterile, is it not reasonable to get a paternity test?


44 comments

  2. I’m a woman – your wife’s response is nuts. If it’s confirmed you CANT have kids, it would be reasonable to wonder how the kid came into being.

    Edit to add – If I found myself pregnant by my husband who could no longer have kids, I would welcome the paternity test. I would never want my husband to live in a quiet angst of questioning, and I would be very happy to prove my loyalty in my marriage and give him total peace of mind, so we can celebrate our new baby.

  4. that’s such a bizarre hypothetical to bring up out of nowhere given that you got the vasectomy, and then the extreme reaction to your reasonable response. I’d be pretty worried she’s cheating right now.

  5. How do you know the 14 year old isn’t yours if you didn’t get a paternity test? This feels like bait but if it’s not, no not unreasonable.

  8. It’s crazy to me that couples get into serious fights over hypotheticals. There is enough real $hit to deal with. We don’t need to make up more $hit to deal with.

  9. Okay. If you’re truly sterile (like no failures or swimmers at all) and ends up pregnant… wouldn’t want a divorce because that means the kids is not yours

  10. This happened to friends of ours – the husband had a vasectomy after 4 kids, was confirmed sterile, and a couple of years the wife got pregnant with baby #5. They did end up getting a paternity test, far as I remember it was her idea, and the baby was 100% his. They’re still together.

  12. As a fellow sterile person (and have been for approximately 25 years) then I would for sure request a paternity test. In joking, I’ve already told my wife this as we’ve had unprotected sex pretty much our whole relationship with is around 16 years.

  13. It’s a reasonable ask but tone is important here. Vasectomies *can* reverse. It’s rare, but it happens.

    I think most women would understand a guy wanting a paternity test in this case. Another way to go about it is to test semen samples first — it might tell you off the bat if the procedure reversed. If it did, I’d move forward in trust. If the sample shows you’re shooting blanks, then paternity is 100% called for. It still *could* be a case of reversal, though. Every now and then ya catch a stray…

  15. My husband had a vasectomy before we met and I became pregnant soon after I moved in with him. Point is vasectomies don’t always work/last.
    I would recommend going to the dr to check before asking for a paternity test but I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same as your wife

  16. You are arguing about divorce over a theoretical. Why? Do you not have enough enrichment in your life that you need to be out looking for drama?

  17. Would save you the effort of filing for divorce yourself. I think it would be a self own by your wife.

  18. Sooooo, did she just want a fight with you?? Cause why would anyone ask this?

  20. Why tf do couples play the hypothetical fucking game and get pissed off with the answers they get? Jfc!

  21. My husband had a vasectomy when our daughter was five months old, and the Dr told him that every year his of being safe goes down a few percentages a year. So it is absolutely possible that you can father another child. Daughter is 25 now.

  22. Honestly, it sounds like she’s fishing. Don’t be surprised if she tells you she’s pregnant soon!

  23. yeah she’s crazy. my wife, unprompted, when reading such stories like yours on reddit has told me she would 100% let me get a paternity test. im not infertile.

    btw infertile doesn’t mean can’t have children. it’s just a lower chance.

  24. Jeez. This is like the “would you love me if I were a caterpillar?” thing. It’s time to set a limit around any engagement with this kind of hypothetical question she seems to like.

  25. There’s some things that you just should not tell your wife, even if it’s obviously true.

  26. Sounds like she’s already planning for some. Buy her some condoms so she can be safe when she cheats.

  27. Go and get tested again to make sure there wasn’t a reconnection. It would be rare, but I would want to be 100% sure. If you are in fact sterile, then your wife has some serious explaining to do.

  28. Here’s another hypothetical: A pregnant woman shows up at your door and says she’s carrying your baby. You say “nope! Not possible. I’ve had a vasectomy.” You slam the door and ignore the woman. Would your wife trust that you didn’t cheat?

  29. Sounds like OP’s wife is wanting to cheat and if she gets prego she just wants to say it’s his.

  31. You should have led with the part about getting your sperm count rechecked before asking for a paternity test. If you’ve been shooting blanks for 5+ years, it’s not a big leap to wanting to check dna. That doesn’t seem unreasonable.

  32. This is next level craziness. Who brings this up in a casual conversation? My husband has also had a vasectomy – and I think it’s fair if we fell pregnant again, he’d have some questions. I believe that her saying this, erodes trust, and if it were me and she ended up pregnant again, I’d ask for a paternity test.

  35. I think everyone is missing an aspect of this: if he is still sterile, and she knows she didn’t cheat, then she has reason to suspect that someone impregnated her while she was unconscious.

  36. I’ll be honest, without the vasectomy, if my husband asked me for a paternity test I would 100% do the test, and I’d give him the results proving it’s his child with divorce papers. Any man has the right to doubt any woman, but I will be damned if I stay with a man who doubts me.

    The vasectomy is a significant question mark though, so I’d definitely understand that if a medical test proves you are still sterile, that paternity test is needed, because the chances of immaculate conception are 0%

  37. This js the one situation where im on the guys side.

    If my husband got a vasectomy amd I got pregnant, I think the doubt might actually be reasonable.

    Normally Im a “Staple the paternity results to the divorce papers” type person.

  39. If you got checked and you were sterile then it would be INSANE to not ask for a paternity test! She’s crazy for that.

  40. Say, honey, you wouldn’t have to file, I would be way ahead of you. Then, pat her on the head like a dog and go to bed.

  41. Yeeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhh just go get yourself rechecked at this point anyway. Just to be sure. Your wife sounds like someone you might want to reconsider having any more kids with. Those are 🚩🚩🚩🚩questions. If she’s asking shit like that, it’s probably a trap… or she’s already pregnant, knows it’s not yours, and wants to find out how much resistance you’d be willing to put up if she decides to blow up the whole family to cover up her bad life choices.

  42. I would divorce any man that asked me for a paternity test too, but I also wouldn’t tell someone they were the father when I knew damn well it could be someone else’s. I also wouldn’t get all tore up about a hypothetical scenario that is close to impossible to even happen. I’ve got a vasectomy baby situation in my family though, so I wouldn’t say it’s impossible.

  43. This is one of those stupid “If you had to choose between me and our kid to be saved in a fire who would you pick?” type questions. There’s really no right answer.

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