I’m a man and I just crossed the threshold in 30. And literally every match I get now brings up kids in the first 5 messages. Like, lady I don’t know you. Why would I commit to creating life with you? I’m open to kids but I set my profile to I don’t want to have kids just try avoiding this mess. Can’t we get 2-3 dates in before taking about kids.
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They are serious and trying to filter you
They aren’t asking you if you know if you want kids WITH THEM yet, they are asking if you want to have kids at all, in your own life plan. If they want children one day, why would they waste hours or weeks entertaining someone who does not want that in their future? Especially when they have inboxes full of dozens of men who do? And more importantly why do you want them to?
Lol, are they asking you if you want kids within the next 9 months, or are they asking if you want kids within the next 5 years? Those are very different questions.
It’s on their mind and is a major component of dating and why they’re on the apps. Just say, “I’m open to kids, but am not in a rush.”
They could be 1) not reading the section of your profile that says you don’t want kids, or 2) trying to sway you into wanting kids. FWIW, I’ve never had the kid question come up even multiple dates in.
They want to make sure you won’t waste their time, they don’t want your spawn right away but maybe eventually if yall hit it off. Also remember women have their biological clock with a limited window. And stop looking at more than 1-2 women at a time, dating apps give you the illusion you can get endless matches, be humble and really get to know 1-2 and it takes more than 1 date as well.
This is not a universal experience lol. There are SO many women who don’t want kids… if they say they want kids in their profile maybe avoid them (they want kids NOW). Lol. Pick women who don’t have “want kids” in their profile. Some of us want kids but like maybe ~one day, type of thing.
You state
>I’m open to kids
Well, thats what they are looking for. There are a lot of men that don’t want to have kids. There are also a lot of non commital men. Why not actually answer their question?
The way you talk about the topic, it doesn’t sound like you want kids soon.
Because there is a lot of societal pressure on women to have kids. And if they haven’t done it by 30, well, they are late to the game and better do it quickly.
IMO they are doing you and themselves a favor. Dating in 20s and 30s is significantly different. You’re still figuring yourself out in 20s. You should have a better idea in your 30s. They’re asking your stance on kids if a relationship with them became more serious down the road, not if you want to have babies with them next year.
Be honest with them.
I don’t get why men think you’re trying to get them to commit to marriage and kids just by bringing it up. It’s an important compatibility question, maybe even the most important one. It should be brought up in the first date.
If you’re open to kids but your profile doesn’t say that then that’s strange. I don’t want any dependents so matching with someone who says they don’t want any but they’re open to them would be a major incompatibility.
They’re asking if you want kids so they can decide if you’re compatible or not. Just like I’m not compatible with someone who wants dependents
> I’m a man and I just crossed the threshold in 30. And literally every match I get now brings up kids in the first 5 messages.
LOL, I used to be in your shoes. At your age I was freshly divorced and I was ready to hase some fun dating, but all the age-appropriate women were out there looking for a husbad, so, like you, I felt like I was interviewed for a job than lightheared dating: they wanted to know my finances, my positions on kids, whether I wanted to be the single providers of a SAHM.
You see, all your age-appropriate women have their biological clock ticking, so they can’t waste time; they are on a mission.
My solution at the time was to date younger women in their early 20’s and/or recent divorcées in their late 30s. It worked.
What I did not know back then, but I know now, that the vast majority of the age-appropriate women out there looking for a husband had 1 or 2 regular FWBs.
Best of luck. If you want to see a funny classic movie: Sleepless in Seattle.
Best of luck.
I think the answer to that is, you don’t.
Just be super mindful there are just as many women out there who don’t want to have kids these days, or are unsure about it.
But some women know what they want (or are dealing with massive pressure from family, friends, colleagues, strangers, social media) to ‘find the one’ and ‘have the family’.
The simple answer here is to be honest. Don’t lead women along who want that, and don’t scream no/ I don’t know and hide.
Simply tell them that you are still undecided, potentially open to it, maybe, but you’d want to take a good few years getting to know someone before planning to share your gene pool, for life. Any woman pushing the first guy she meets here seriously needs her head checked, because it’s one thing to ask, but absolute insanity to ask a man who have no idea about if they’ll have your children, unless through sheer desperation or pressure.