I hear that average men are lucky to get 1 match per month but most women can get dozens of likes in short time.
So if women are getting so many likes, why they can't find good men out of those likes ? Not all men would be bad in those likes.
I see a lot of men getting difficulty for one single date, but a acquaintance women of mine dated 4 guys in past 2 years and found all of them were not suitable, like some were narcissist etc.


49 comments

  1. getting bombarded with sausages when you just wanted a crisp smash burger is the problem for them

  4. Because some me don’t accept boundaries. And unfortunately, there are too many guys who are so inpatient, that it pressures me. instant ick

  5. From my experience, the average man you match with on the sites are not compatible. Just because there are more matches for a woman doesn’t mean the quality of men is decent. Generally speaking, it’s the guys who haven’t found anyone, with reason. A lot of them are also rude, crass, and disrespectful.

    So just because there’s a match, that doesn’t mean the conversation even makes it past five minutes.

  7. be careful of the pessimistic bias in this subreddit, I think the real average experience is at least a tad better than the numbers you quoted

    I guess it has to do a lot with the circumstance that some men have the looks to get picked often, but also the personality that makes them stay on the market

    the algorithm may even exacerbate this natural phenomenon

  10. Women have the opposite problem of men. Rather than too few likes, they get too many. Largely because there tends to be more men on dating apps than women.

    Certainly there are genuine men sending likes, but the women have to wade through hundreds of likes, many of which are from guys who didn’t bother to read their profile, or worse didn’t care.

    You can try to stick out by commenting on what you liked about their profile if you’re able to message. Especially about a mutual interest or value since that shows you care about more than just the surface level.

  11. my experience as a woman on the apps is that I wasn’t attractive enough, I guess. When I did get likes or matches, guys wouldn’t always chat beyond “hey” or wouldn’t want to meet up for a date. I was likely part of the net they’d cast out, just part of the numbers game.

  12. It doesn’t “work well” for all of us. Many women get inundated with matches but many of us don’t. And regardless of number, many women have standards based on lessons learned from previous mistakes/heartbreak.

    I’m not a looker, I don’t get matches like that, but for example, I’m looking for signs of emotional availability, self-sufficiency, kindness *and* I have to be attracted to him as well. You’d be surprised how hard it is to find this.

    The grass is brittle and brown on all sides.

  13. I can tell you that I am a woman who does not get dozens of messages in their inbox all the time. If I get any then it is someone who just wants to punch their cougar card.

    It always annoys me when men say that like all women get tons of messages an hour. The reality is some of us don’t. It is the reason why I don’t do dating apps.

  14. Most likes are useless for me especially most dudes don’t even read women’s profile before swiping right. But mainly most dudes are not looking physically attractive. They’re unattractive men trying to date outside their league mostly, put it bluntly.

    I only swipe right on 5 out of every 100 men maybe. If I’m lucky it’s 5-10. Never more than that. And I read every profile and I don’t just swipe based on his photos. I swipe left on guys who have empty Bio and too empty prompts no matter how good looking he may be. I met 15 different men from one app. All of them were not physically attractive. And some men photoshopped their photos looking 15-20 lbs lighter but when I met them they’re overweight. Their manners were off or they smelled BO and armpit smell etc. And yeah some dude trauma dumped some crazy story on how he found out his ex wife cheated with multiple men for a decade etc, some shocking story on a first date. I mean…many of these guys are single for reason. Men lie a lot on dating profile misrepresenting who they actually are before going on a date. It’s off-putting.

  15. It’s an overload…aka “sausage party”. If a person has so many choices and they are told they can only really have one it can be overwhelming. And it’s partially conditioning. If you have two dozens of choices nothing really sticks up as unique and then every good choice is simply drowned out.

    How would you expect a woman to “find her one” when she has to go through dozens, hundreds if not a thousand choices? It’s just too much for one person to handle in a 24 hour day.

  16. OLD taught me that I am attracted to very few men and I can’t predict the attraction based on a profile. I chatted with hundreds of men and went on dozens of first dates over the course of three years.

    I got into one relationship during that time and a couple things were remarkable. Our chat was insatiable. We couldn’t wait to meet one another. We had compatible intellects. We were also in similar life stage (teenage children, no desire for more).

    Alignment in values, attraction, lifestyle and life stage is tough to find. If I ever use OLD again I will wait for the insatiable chat.

  17. Because we have the same problems as men have but then x1000. Ghosting, no response, only talking about sex, just weird behaviour.

  18. Finding a guy is easy. I could get a man around here within the hour with little to medium effort.

    Getting him to stay to build a life and a solid relationship? That’s the tricky part.

  19. Im a guy, but dating for a while now and from the girls that I speak to they all say the same thing.

    If you’re into hookups, the dating apps are actually great, especially for women. If you state this clearly in your profile and match with someone similar, you’re all set. However for those looking for a relationship, I’d say both men and women have it just as hard, just in different ways. As a man, you don’t get too many matches and even if you do, you need to do something to stand out of the crowd. As a woman, you get a ton of matches, many of which are either not specifying what they’re looking for, or stating that they’re looking for a long term relationship, where in fact they’re just looking to hook up, which you only find out after talking to them for a while or going on a date. Therefore the problem here is picking the right guys out of the crowd. Either way, it takes time and creates frustration for both men and women, just in different ways.

    For example, about 3 weeks ago I’ve matched with an attractive girl and we’ve talked for about 30minutes, at which point she revealed that she had a child. As this is a dealbreaker for me, I thanked her for being honest and told her how being where I am in life now, I currently look for someone that doesn’t have one, which likely would be the opposite of I had a child of my own. We thanked each other for a fun conversation, wished each other good luck and parted our ways on good terms. Neither of us deleted the chat. Two days ago, I got a message from her that she’s done with the dating apps, went on enough first dates and talked to enough dishonest guys that she no longer wants to use them. She said that I was the only one who seemed normal and that she’ll be trying to gather a group of „cool single people” to meet in some public place and „find matches” this way. We’ve exchanged ig accounts to stay in touch and she indeed deleted the account today.

    All I’m saying, just because girls get a ton of matches doesn’t mean they have it easier. It’s just as frustrating and time consuming. And as a guy, don’t be too hard on yourself if you don’t get a response. I’ve once had a girl (a „regular girl next door”) show me her dating app chats. There were so many guys messaging her, that honestly being her I wouldn’t even bother scrolling all the way down to the end of the chat list, yet go into those chats and actually respond. She looked a little tired by it as well.

  20. It’s a quality issue. The majority of men on dating apps are only looking for sex or are in relationships and using apps to cheat easier. They have no intentions on putting forth any effort to genuinely get to know a woman, just bare minimum fishing. OLD and social media have ruined dating and connection, online and IRL. I quit dating apps 13 years ago and from what I hear it’s only gotten worse. IRL is no better. 

  21. After having hundreds of matches and messaging with at least 100 men extensively I still had to go on 20 first dates to find my boyfriend.

    Some men were downright evil and told me about how they abused their ex, tried to stalk me, or lied to me. Some had absolutely no personality and we had much less in common than I thought. Others I had 0 chemistry with.
    I only ever went on 2nd dates with 4 of those 20 men, and if I knew then what I know now it would have only been 2.

  22. do they? work well for us? I currently have 6 matches on tinder who never replied to my message. once I deleted 15 matches who never replied. why give a like then? because they never looked at your profile and swiped right everytime. So, lots of matches who never answer, pluss matches who do answer and it never goes anywhere. having 99+ likes doesnt translate into dates. I understand its difficult for men, but it is also difficult for women, just in a different way.

  23. For me as a woman i can list a few reasons

    1. Too many men I match with have children or want children and I don’t and probably can’t have any anyways due to medical issues. If I could I wouldn’t want to risk passing this on anyway.

    2. Then you have the problem that most guys on there are looking for casual sex.

    3. They are fresh out of a relationship, going through a divorce and just on the rebound. Don’t want anything serious. May use you to vent about their ex they aren’t over.

    4. Flakes who have no intention of meeting and just match with and try to talk to you for validation.

    5. Guys who are cocky and aggressive. One guy lived 30 minutes from me he asked if I was worth the drive. Another got angry over the fact I wasn’t verified and told me I needed to prove myself to him and I better not dare waste his time. Idk if I’m being too nit picky but I just feel like they want me to chase them and convince them to date me. The whole thing felt hostile.

    6. They lose interest over something dumb. For example if I don’t have Snapchat they nope out. I also suspect these guys may have girlfriends which is they demand to speak on a a modem where the messages disappear immediately. Or saying I’d rather do something other than drink for the first meet or meet in the middle rather than go all the way to them. They usually just ghost when I suggest this. I also suspect these dudes are just trying to get laid also but idk.

  24. Dating apps for men are like looking for fresh water in the desert. Dating apps for women are like looking for fresh water in the ocean. See the problem?

  26. I’m going to run the risk of being slated but in my own experience on dating apps it’s true i haven’t had an issue finding dates. I have had a few dates in the past stemming from sites and in the main have found the guys i went out with to be pretty good, bar a couple of bad experiences. The issue I find is that the guys I’ve found a good suit have really high standards or expectations that i just couldn’t meet. I would consider myself attractive, good fun, knowledgeable, good job and emotionally balanced but somehow i didn’t live up to these guys wants. I think the idea of men liking the chase and apps being the perfect environment for that kind of thing does narrow down prospects of finding genuine love. I did stay with one guy i met online for 4 years so this is by no means a sweeping generalisation but i think it applies to quite a few.

  27. u/ern_6002 the following is my opinion (not really backed by facts or evidence). So please take it with a grain of salt. I will be speaking in **generalities** here (so of course you’ll find exceptions).

    1. My observation in real life is that men are the ones to take the initiative. So they will the one initiating the first move. They approach women first. So by this virtue, women will get more “likes” online.
    2. In order to make the approach, men cannot know the personality of women before talking to them. So the only thing they can relay on to make the first move is their looks. So they scroll through profiles simply based on looks. It is less likely for men to read the profile. For men, it’s a numbers game. The more likes I send, the more likely i will get a response.
    3. Due to evolution, women tend to prefer men who are taller than them, financially secure, confident, and can offer stability. The more they require of these traits, the smaller their selection pool becomes. And online dating amplifies selectivity.
    4. Women have become educated than, say 50-60 years ago. Some make good money and can be independent. However, due to instinct, they still want the same traits (as number 3). So that narrows their pool further.
    5. Women are more emotionally stimulated than men. So they are less impressed with a static profile and less likely to hit a like back, even if the man checks off everything on their list.
    6. Nobody likes rejection. Rejection online (by lack of response or by seeing “no thank you”) is must lighter on the ego. I think this pushes the number of males online more than women… no evidence to bank this up.

    This creates an imbalance in demand and supply 🙂

    Remember, I’m not really confident in what I’m saying… so everything above might completely wrong.

  28. Women have a quality issue, not a quantity issue.

    And no this doesn’t just come down to men not looking for more than sex. Many more men will commit than we would commit to.

  29. Because lots of men aren’t honest on their profiles.

    Some examples I’ve ran into:

    – Saying they want a long term relationship in their profile, and after a day of chatting, say they want to hook up right away

    – Saying they want a short term relationship on their profile then when I say I am not interested because I want long term they go “I want that too” then immediately change it in their profile

    – saying they want a long term relationship on their profile then they tell me they are from a different state and just here visiting – then ask to hook up

    – A man in his 30s told me he had a stint in aviation when really it was airplane or space camp from high school (I’ve flown planes before so this was really disappointing). I was told this on the dinner date and had to sit through the whole meal with him talking about camp and I just wanted to go home.

    – Using photos that must have been around 5-10 years old

  30. They have such a large pool to choose from that their expectations rise higher and higher, and the men that meet those expectations can get any women they want. So why bother taking one seriously when dozens are throwing themselves at you.

  32. A lot of men don’t even look at profiles they just swipe and get through it as fast as possible which means when there’s a match, they often after aligned at all.

  33. 2 things.

    Many women don’t feel safe using the apps. The amount of women who use the apps is a lot lower than the percent of men do a lot of women aren’t even relying on the apps to start with.

    And 2. When you’re overload with profiles the ones that stand out have a been chance. People who are manipulative know how to appear charming which helps them stand out. They typically don’t advertised they’re abusive and instead sell the other person an image of what they think they want to see.

  34. I think there’s a few issues that lead to this. First is that the guys who just hit ‘like’ to every woman on dating apps are prevalent so we need to wade through those.

    The other issue is that so many men are into red pill that when we want to go out with them they assume we’re ugly or desperate and that’s why. And then we end up being a counsellor for their emotional baggage rather than a new partner

  38. **Most** men on dating apps are not actually dating material. They have no bios, only upload selfies or fishing pics because they never ask anyone to take pictures of them with their friends, and immediately get sexual in DMs. I promise most of these guys are not average dudes just not given a chance.

    When I was on the apps, if I had 100 people swiping on me, maybe 20 were guys with completed profiles who didn’t look scary to meet in public. 10 of them didn’t immediately send me a sexual first message or respond to my message sexually. 5 randomly stopped replying, meaning they probably found someone else. 3 actually asked me on a date that was planned instead of “wyd this weekend” and then when I said “nothing” responded “wanna come over and i’ll make you dinner?” And of those 3, there is a mix of no chemistry, a glaring red flag, or, possibly, a second date.

    The quantity is there, but there’s a severe lack of quality for women to choose from.

  40. Finding men is easy but finding men who are normal and nice is a different story. In my experience many of them aren’t serious about committing as well – especially the attractive ones lol

  41. Because women who actually want to date don’t spend much time on the apps. I know multiple girls who were on the apps for just a few weeks before finding someone they liked and deleting them. Someone who’s on the apps for months or years most likely has unrealistic expectations or is looking for validation.

    The girl my best friend is dating literally matched on her first day on the app.

  43. I’m off the apps for now but in my personal experience, guys don’t read profiles. I’ll mention that I’m looking for someone local, and I’ll get messages from people several states or countries away. Which just adds to the chaos if I have to find out if you’re even within driving distance.

    I also put a question in my profile (something simple like “What’s a unique place on your travel bucketlist?” or “How do you like your eggs?” just to see if guys read my profile, or even just to give them an opening message to respond to. Out of everyone, >5 have answered the question or even just mentioned it at all.

    It’s so different to how I look at profiles. For me, more information is always better. One photo on your profile may work if you’re a woman, but for me I prefer lots of photos and topics, so those are the profiles I engage with.

  44. 90% of women want only 5% of the men. So the vast majority of women have unrealistic expectations and overvalues themselves in the dating market

  45. I will say this, most women confuse likes to being wanted, that is what they thrive in. Men are visual being, your profile might be all glamorous and all that, but it doesn’t reflect your personality.

  46. 30% of the women I have met on apps just wanted to have fun. In that sense, it is super easy for them.

    However, it is harder to find a meaningful relationship. IMO it is still easier to find a meaningful relationship as an average woman vs man because at least if she has time to chat and vet, she will eventually find someone whereas as an average dude in the apps, you wont get no matches haha. No matches = no opportunities, especially for those dudes with some social anxiety that are scared of approaching women in person.

  47. Its hard to dig out the treasures of the bin if there’s so much trash in front of you.

  49. There’s a reason why men flood the apps compared to women. Women have way more to lose by dating than men. There’s the risk of safety, pregnancy, and stigma.

    For a man, the worst that could happen is you waste your money on a dinner or get catfished. Women also have a biological clock so they are much more careful about their partners if they want to settle down eventually.

    Nothing in this world is easy. Women get all these matches, but it doesn’t actually mean anything. It just means someone wants to get in your pants 90% of the time, and it’s not that big of a compliment considering most men will sleep with almost anyone.

    For a woman, dating is like an all inclusive buffet. There’s a billion different foods and you get excited and load up your plate. After you sit down to eat you realize most of the foods taste like crap, and only one or two taste amazing. A few items even make you sick. She wishes she chose more carefully.

    For a man, dating is like sitting at a restaurant with a menu. You choose a course and the restaurant says they are out of what you want. You choose another item, but they are out. You keep choosing but they never have what you want until one day, they are in stock and you get just what you wanted. It tastes amazing.

    So basically for a man, it’s about choosing reasonably and not giving up.

    For a woman it’s about filtering through and choosing carefully.

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