I'll be short. I (32M) just got back from a good date. After a really long time, maybe 2 years, this girl (27F) appeared and something clicked inside of me.
She's interesting to me. I would like to know her better. She seems smart as I would like a partner to be and that's rare in my experiences. She's beautiful too, and we have a lot in common, from music to activities. Not everything, obviously, there are some differences.
Anyways, I've been feeling unshakable for a long time now. Nothing and no one I would meet was able to click something in me. This girl did.
You might be thinking "great man, enjoy, go for it". But what I'm thinking is "this feels bad, I'm about to get hurt, and to suffer a little bit if I chase this".
Feeling unshakable is a good feeling, you feel like you are in control, that you are strong, and most of all, you feel that you are ready, that no one will be able to make you feel insecure as you felt in your teenage years or 20s. That now it's the time, you matured and you are strong enough to find love.
Well, it seems like it all falls down when you find someone that you like.
I'm writing this to share and to hear from people that faced this. Should I chase this and show myself that I'm strong by going after what I want? Should I consider myself already defeated for feeling weak right now?
The date ended with a kiss and a reciprocal saying "I liked it, I think we should do it again".
But, in my experiences, I usually leave with 100% sure if the person liked me or not. Usually I was right. This time, I'm not sure, and I think that's what triggered me.
12 comments
You’ll never know if you don’t try.
Don’t overthink it. Just go with it.
Go for it bub, if it hurts, it hurts. Not the end of the world.
That’s some avoidant level behavior. Don’t hesitate!
Last year I met this incredible woman, and we clicked on so many levels. However, I had some hesitation as well, and I messed it up. It’s one of the biggest regrets I have to live with. Don’t do what I did, OP. Go for it.
Aww, feeling vulnerable just means it matters. Go for it.
All relationships end. Either in life or death.
Try it out. Worst that can happen is it doesn’t work out. But you’ll never gain anything if you’re not willing to lose something.
it’s really valid being scared but take a leap of faith, chances that you’ll be happy are worth the gamble
I (31F) just started talking to this guy that I really really like so far. It’s really new. We’ve texted a few times a day for a week and a half now. Six days in he asked for a phone call. He said we should do it again soon. Today he asked for a phone call again and asked if we could FaceTime instead. I said yes ofc. He again said we should do it again soon. I get the feeling that he doesn’t really date often or really like women often, and perhaps he is a little surprised and rusty? I’m like we should do it again soon…what we should do is meet 😂 but I don’t wanna push him idk what’s going through his head or what he’s been though so I’m gonna let him unfold it in his own timing while being supportive and letting him know that I do like him.
I get the same sense from him that I read in this post. Go for it my dude ❤️ we sacrifice a larger happiness by settling because it is safe and will never disappoint us. “Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all.” It’s a rough world out there, but some of us are worth it 💕
I had a fairly similar situation to you as in our ages were right about the same as yours when we met and everything seemed to line up incredibly well and be exactly what I wanted.
Connections like the one you’re describing are hard to come by, especially in today’s dating world.
You two aren’t old by any stretch, but you’re also not young, and you’re right in that age where people want to find someone to settle down with.
What’s the worst that can happen? She doesn’t want to continue seeing you? Even if this particular girl feels different, I’m sure you’ve faced rejection plenty before (which, as a guy, I know is very natural). Sure, your confidence will take a hit, but you’ll bounce back.
On the flip side, you said you’re strong enough now to find love. If that’s the case then you shouldn’t be avoiding it when it’s basically smacking you in the face. Obviously there are a lot of steps between one date and love, but nothing will be gained by not trying.
This girl might be different in the best way possible for you. The girl that I mentioned I met in similar enough circumstances to what you described is the best thing that ever happened to me, and even with that being the case I had to learn how she operates and her expectations.
Obviously no two situations are the same, but if things went as you described, there is no legitimate reason not to pursue it. You owe it to your current and future self to never have any “what-ifs” in this situation. Good luck!
if you feel that in your head/heart, it’s your insecurities. if you feel it in your stomach, that’s your intuition telling you she doesn’t feel the same, which is okay. she can have a great time, think you’re awesome, but just not 100% be where you’re at. she could be getting there.
our energetic field extends about 6 feet outside of us. we’ve gotta stop denying these factors in life, because it plays a part. also, while you feel great about her, pay attention to how you feel after the date. if you went home & was tired/went straight to bed vs if you feel like you just drank a red bull & ready to go. red bull is a good thing, nap time means she’s a beautiful drain on your life.
I think you’d be better off going for it, for at least 4-5 dates. You won’t get hurt but you will have a LOT more information than you have right now. You are idealizing her now because it’s new and you clicked.
Get more information before you just dump out. Even if you stay with her for longer than that, and do get hurt, at least you won’t live with the “what if?” question. I think that would be worse.
If you truly want to find love, you will go through pain. Don’t let your fear of what you think might happen control your heart. Be honest with her and I pray that she is honest with you about her true feelings. I wish you two the best.