I (M41) think my marriage is ending. Ive been married to my wife (F39) for 15 years. We have 3 children(14,12,7). When we were married we were both Conservative Christians, and both have far-right, Christian nationalist families.
10 years ago, I came out as an atheist after a dozen years of questioning faith. This caused a major immediate rift. Since then weve had a significant no-fly zone on topics in our household. She refuses to acknowledge my shift in worldview, while clinging fiercely to hers. She raises the kids Christian, and they get an unhealthy dose of Christian nationalist indoctrination. The oldest 2 like to take me on over my lack of faith and have become dismissive to me parenting them- which my wife seems to tolerate. If I push back at my kids to be respectful or stay humble in their search of truth- she immediately blows up.
On issues of news, public policy, opinion or world events she shuts me down either with sullenness, anger, or simply ignores me.
She wants me to meet with a Christian councilor to 'figure my stuff out'. As a child of an abusive childhood facilitated by religion, Im not comfortable with that. I do have a series of treated mental conditions related to this upbringing and the religious trauma.
I make good money. She doesnt. She does have a limited part time job, and I recently found out she is putting money in a secret account. We have multiple accounts, and have always share resources. She had told me that she was getting paid in cash and using it for groceries.
She recently locked out her phone, even though weve had an open device policy (though none of us have ever gone through the others phone).
This evening I was using the family computer and reviewing the search history (because teenagers), and I found a lot of search history related to my wifes account which was still logged in.
Search terms included 'how does alimony work', 'calculate child support', 'walk away wife syndrome' etc.
This potential circumstance is all new to me and my head is spinning. What are the chances Im in real trouble? Are there steps I should be taking to work this out more assertively or directly? How should I be protecting myself and my kids from this?
My biggest concern for my kids is that they will be safely provided for. My wife has never worked, and is extremely resistant to getting anything more than a couple days per month, and she doesnt have a post-graduate education. My income is not enough to support two households. Can anybody help?
She is also going through menopause early, however I dont know if that is contributing to her disgust for me- and at this point Im afraid to ask.
Any advice would be immensely helpful!
Tldr; i think my wife is contemplating leaving me with the kids, over religion and differences in worldview. Im hoping to get advice on how to protect myself and my k8ds.