I don’t know what’s in the air lately but when it comes to dating, I like to be upfront right off the get go yet I keep running into these conservative/maga men that omit/lie and then confess and act like I’m crazy or intolerant, difficult for not wanting to date them. I don’t know if it’s cause I’m white passing hispanic and they just assume?? I need to find where all the liberal men are.
Different opinions are things like pizza toppings, not human rights?? I hate that I’ll get a response like “hate that these things matter now.” Yeah well, some people are affected by this. Am I crazy for this or you guys also prefer to be upfront from the start or do you try to get to know them despite having different views?
24 comments
My brother is gay, my best friend is Bi and dresses in drag. It’s just not gonna work out with a conservative and it’s really that simple.
First off, no you are not crazy. Don’t let someone gaslight you just because you stick to your values and share them.
Second, values are IMPORTANT. If you are looking to find someone and date them long-term, it is important the men you date share the same values or at least that man is willing to hear you out on why you hold that value and why it matters.
Yes.
Dealbreakers are extremely important to highlight immediately in order to save both your time and theirs.
As a liberal guy, you should absolutely have these convos early on. It’s okay to have disagreements about political issues like budgeting and tax reform, but screw anyone that thinks immigrants or LGBTQ people are less than anyone else.
Also, you’d be disgusted hearing some of the content that’s pushed on men now. I’ve absolutely heard about men that see dating liberal women as a challenge and purposely hide their beliefs to trap women. The whole manosphere stuff is seriously disgusting
The number of men lately on Hinge that are conservative, “moderate,“ “not political” 🙄, or who don’t put their politics at all is wild. I don’t swipe yes on any of them because in my eyes, they’re all conservative, but just don’t want to admit it.
Yes you should keep on doing this. Don’t be gaslit by these guys. I can disagree on tax rates, how to pay back the debt or how effective government is, but I cannot agree to disagree with someone who thinks people should be sent to ICE camps because they wrote a pro-Palestine op-ed in a student newspaper, bans people from entering the US just because of their nationality, do not believe women should control their own bodies, thinks due process is optional, think it’s ok for a sexual predator and conman to be president, or for the president to openly accept $400M bribes from a foreign government. It goes much beyond just politics; it’s a fundamental sign of values.
I’m completely burnt out from politics, so I’m not gonna lead with that. But I wouldn’t have a problem confirmimg my beliefs ahead of time either. Anyone who isn’t being open about their politics are probably ashamed of them, and best to be avoided IMO.
Edit: I’m unafiliated politically, but lean left. Don’t agree with party politics as a system so I stay outside of it.
Politics is a reflection of your personal values. It tells us what a person wants the future to look like for both humanity and the world.
A rift in political outlook can be extrapolated to a rift in home life. Kids, finances, vacations, and even diet can be influenced by a personals political outlook.
I personally could not date a conservative and actually actively avoid it. I’m sure conservative women feel the same way about me. I usually casually bring up tariffs and how everything is so expensive or I’ll bring up a movie/show that very contains liberal or conservative elements. This helps me gauge where my partner stands casually without making it explicitly about politics.
Anyway, long story short, yes you should always ask. The sooner the better.
I put this right on my profile – that I’m liberal and looking to date someone with similar views. I closely look at men’s profile pictures for all the conservative dog whistles – maga hats, blue line US flags, right wing slogan tshirts. I know many men don’t actually read profiles until after matching, so I get some unmatches once they read it. Trash takes itself out 🚮
Yup!
I am a guy who leans left and would have no issue with a date asking about my politics in this day and age.
You’re not crazy. If someone is even “moderate” or “apolitical” on a dating app in this climate (but any climate honestly if you ask me), that *is* a political stance that reveals their values, convictions, and priorities. They really think they can afford to be neutral or lukewarm when the world is quite literally falling apart 😂 In my experience, people who get upset about folks on dating apps wanting answers to these kinds of questions know that they have some messed up views and do not care to be challenged on them.
I mean… what’s the alternative?
“I’m pregnant, and I’m gonna get an abortion”
“No you’re not”
Yes it is good. They are gaslighting you to think it’s not, as if it’s your fault they’re a lowlife. It’s how they are.
Completely agree, just be careful with how you focus on it as well. I went out with one girl who was overly worried about that stuff last year. Once she found out I was liberal it should have soothed her a bit but she kept commenting on how many conservative men there were in the dating field and in the back of my head I kept thinking “well you don’t have one in front of you now, so can we move on?” Definitely important to have shared values, especially around political ideals that significantly impact people’s daily lives
It really depends. I think if you discuss it before you go on a date or start dating, it is better than asking it on the first date. Politics and religion are definitely no gos on the first few dates unless you matched because of that.
To me, I’m a liberal and I’ve dated liberals and conservatives. It doesn’t really matter to me in terms of their political identity. Plus a lot of people call themselves liberal or conservative and don’t have any clue about politics or the basic tenets of those political ideologies. But I definitely will not date a Trump supporter.
100% yes!! Dealbreakers are dealbreakers for a reason.
Your values and beliefs should be compatible as possible when it comes to dating, IMO.
Liberal guy here. I put ‘liberal’ on my bio and that solved most of my political mismatch problems. That being said, most guys just swipe on everyone without reading and hope for the best. That, unfortunately, leaves the burden to you to weed through the likes. Don’t be afraid to swipe left if they state a political status you don’t agree with or don’t state it at all. Besides, being upfront with what you want tends to scare or piss bad matches off.
I know it’s not women’s job to do it, but these guys aren’t getting the message that their ambivalence or tolerance of what their side is doing isn’t just gong to be accepted or ignored.
If they don’t care about you or what you care about then they can think about that a bit when they keep getting rejected over and over for it.
I liked apps that had sections to answer prompts, like OKCupid. I preferred to get big topics like that in the open so we don’t waste time. Read profiles and try to dive into those topics if it isn’t clear sooner than later.
Do and share what is important to you. I was originally going to say you may to be a little controlled, but if it’s a huge part of who you are, go for it. Just try to frame it positively, if you can.
I’m saddened how little a lot of people care.
A lot of conservative people get very filtered news from right wing media and don’t care unless something affects them directly. If they can’t see how messed up things are right now, I’m not sure there’s any hope for them. I’m not sure if they’re ignorant, devoid of empathy, or both.
It’s a double whammy they have those political views then get upset that people feel so strongly these days. They’re aware enough to lie, but not aware enough to step back and think a bit about why things have changed so much. They can’t process new information.
I’m always shocked how quickly people are willing to believe others. It’s so easy for people to misrepresent themselves.
I let people know I’m on the right from the get-go. If they freak out, bye! Intolerance is a red flag for me.
One thing: way more men lean conservative than anything else.
Some things to ask if you’re considering someone who voted conservative:
The biggest one being— (cause it’s informative and useful for your own life as well)
Why did you vote conservative?
Then…
How would you react if your daughter had an OF?
How would you react if your son was gay?
What are your feelings on abortion?
What are your feelings on gender roles?
-insert all your important causes-
As a liberal/progressive man, I would just never date a conservative woman, so I would prefer these things are known early on. Would I allow them to explain their political beliefs? Of course! But likely we are just fundamentally too different and it would never work