I’m a 27M. Recently I made a post on here that got a decent amount of traction. But if you didn’t see it or dont want to go read it, basically I met a girl, and it was a connection I haven’t felt in a very long time and I did not expect to feel the way I did for her, and even right now things are great. But here’s a little bit of the mentality for me I need some advice with or maybe even guidance on…
If you notice I said “I haven’t felt this way in a long time” that’s true in it’s entirety. For years I’ve often been sort of cold with relationships and dating, and in a way I was happy/accepting of that. I was still a good boyfriend when needed be, I just subconsciously knew how to protect myself if in the event of. All of the sudden I meet this girl and I feel the emotion or dare I say “vulnerability” coming back. Which is a good thing right? Well I’ve noticed that with this feeling, if things between her and I don’t work out due to being cheated on (biggest fear) then I’m gonna be destroyed again in a way I haven’t been in a very long time. So basically even though I feel great, it’s like there’s a shadowy figure in the back saying “get ready” and I don’t like that.
I’m here looking for advice if anyone’s ever felt like this or similar to how I used to be. I’m asking here first because I want to possibly get this whole mentality thing straightened out before things with her and I progress more and more. I know ideally it should be sorted out beforehand but…well that just wasn’t the way things happened. And the last thing I want to do is possibly ruin something potentially great over fears and old feelings that have returned.
I’m sure a guy will read this and relate to some variation. I’ve always been somewhat decent with women overall but this girl in particular. Something’s different with her. She’s done nothing to even suggest cheating or whatever. In fact one morning I woke up and checked my phone. Earlier in the morning before I woke up I received a text from her with screenshots of her having deleted Tinder saying something like “I don’t think I’ll need this anymore”. I can see she’s trying to be about me and it’s sweet. But I hate the way my brain works and it’s like when something good comes my way I start to raise a wall. Then I sit there and get all superstitious thinking “What if it’s my body reacting to some premonition”.
But more importantly. I want her. We’re taking things slowly bit by bit, we may have already did a couple of things “fast” but we both want to focus on getting to know each other. The positive side in all of this is I know I’m capable of the feeling of love, something I don’t think I was genuinely capable of before, and maybe it’s just the remembrance of old feelings alongside that feeling rising up. The good and the bad. This is all me in this scenario. The last thing I want to to do is make her think she ever did anything wrong when she didn’t.
Any advice guys?