What the title says really, I just need to vent it somewhere. My husband makes me feel like I’m worth nothing. I don’t work currently as I’m a stay at home mom with our three year old and have health difficulties that are not yet controlled, one being narcolepsy that makes every day so hard, so I’m currently not in the position to even work. I get disability for my health issues.
My problem is, my partner doesn’t see my struggles as valid. If I’m tired because he’s worked three weeks solid, not getting home till late and I’ve had no down time for parenting and housework, then I get mocked because I don’t work. He belittles me constantly telling me I’ve never had a job and wouldn’t be able to keep one – prior to meeting him I worked full time hours and was a student when I met him, fell pregnant, had to delay my studies and then my health issues suddenly come on very worse – which I think was triggered by a pregnancy that nearly killed me. I talked about going back to studies and he flat out won’t support me in it because it’ll effect his career me having to do hours at the hospital to qualify and said if I did we might as well divorce.
It’s got me to the point I’m down as hell. He’s told me, if I contact him in the day at work, I’m beneath his work so he won’t likely reply. He said any present I buy him is worthless because it’s not money I’ve worked for. He says I have no reason to be tired and being at home with a three year old everyday is easy and he’d love to do it. Mocks me when I say I want to go back to work saying I wouldn’t manage it and that I’m just dumping our child off if I do. He’s also started now using my illnesses to make me feel like I’m not worthy by listing all the things I struggle with due to physical issues. A month back I had to rehome my dog as my fibromyalgia and HEDS has started to get gradually worse and I felt like I couldn’t be the best dog owner to him in terms of exercise, when I told him he just started being really cruel about how my dog will be happier without me and how I let him down so much already and I never should of got him. I sobbed all week over rehoming him as I really loved him, he came everywhere with me and was my best friend.
I just try to avoid contacting him when he’s working now because I feel like I’m an inconvenience and I just feel like he’s probably happy when I don’t, so I’ve just started to kind of mentally detach when he’s at work. I just feel like I am a useless human being – I don’t work, so I am scummy and not valid in adult life. I just feel like a nobody, invincible and like I have no purpose in life. I feel like if he looks at me like this, then everyone else does? And my self esteem is so low and I have zero confidence. I’m at a point where I don’t even feel like myself anymore.
We don’t have ANY financial struggles or worries for him to be working so much, he just has a very big ego when it comes to his career. I sort all the bills out of my disability and money saved and he gives me $70 a week towards our child and sometimes buys takeout, but he’ll never just buy me things or the kid as he says that’s what he gives me that for. He earns $360 a day in his line of work. If anything it’s me that has financial worries and if I ask him for any more money he flips out at me saying it’s different when you’re not just handed money each month.
I just sit here on days like today when I’m alone and think to myself am I really a shitty person? I don’t know how to make myself more of a valid person because I don’t work? I feel like a single mom with how much he puts work above us and when he does have a day off he’ll just sleep and smoke weed. I don’t ever get a break from being a mom either, I’m constantly with our child and If I mention that, that’s when I got told how lucky I am to be home, getting money handed to me and how he’d love to do that as it’s easier than going to work.
TL;DR – partners making me feel worthless about the fact I have physical and neurological disabilities and not working and looking after our three year old.