(TlDr: My husband constantly does little things that show he isn’t thinking about anyone but himself. I need help addressing this because I’m at the end of my patience.)
I’ve tried talking to him (been together 12 years now) about it but either get brushed off in the moment as it being unimportant, or if I try to have a more serious discussion and bring up multiple examples, then I’m ‘looking for problems and he can’t do anything right’.
Examples of the behaviors I’m talking about:
-
He leaves his clothes in the middle of pathways (we don’t have a lot of free floor space, so when his clothes are in the middle of the floor or in a literal doorway, I can’t just walk around them).
-
He constantly steals my chargers (even though he has literally twice as many charging cables and ac adapters as I do, mine are just more ‘convenient’).
-
Of the 5 pillows we have on the bed, he uses 4. If I get to bed after him, he will use all 5, and I have to ask him for mine back (which makes him pissy because he’s already comfortable and asleep).
-
This past week we went on vacation: our room had 5 outlets we could use for charging devices. I asked him for 1. At this point, I’m not even asking for a 50/50 split, I’m just trying to have the bare minimum to get myself by. He still kept unplugging my stuff to charge his (sometimes even when there were other outlets available and going unused).
-
He has no qualms waking me up. I have chronic pain and trouble sleeping on a good day, but he will turn on the bedroom lights and leave them on. Lately he’s started talking to me when I’m asleep, launching into random questions or saying things that I definitely don’t need to be told at 2am.
-
While on vacation, I got the flu. I bought some dayquil, for myself, because I was sick. I got to take one dose out of the pack, then my husband took some ‘proactively in case he gets sick,’ which isn’t how dayquil works anyway… and then he proceeded to take the rest of the pack because his throat was starting to hurt. So out of an entire pack of dayquil I bought for myself because I was miserable, I got to use one dose. (And then when his sore throat turned into the same flu I had, we were out of dayquil because he took it all, and he moaned and groaned and asked me to go buy him some dayquil and nightquil – no mention of the fact that I was still sick as well, that maybe I need some meds too and also don’t feel like going out to the store).
If I bring up that these things bother me when they’re happening, then he brushes it off and says it doesn’t matter and it’s not a big deal. If I try to show him the pattern of the things he does, and bring up multiple examples, then I’m accused of nagging because I’m in a bad mood, or he goes into his ‘well I guess I just can’t do anything right’ bullcrud.
How do I get him to see that this stuff actually matters? (Or am I talking to a brick wall at this point?)