I'm (31F) struggling with a recurring issue in our family dynamic. We come from different families and different beliefs (not religious). My husband (33M) believes that our baby should adapt to his schedule, while I’m the type of parent who is willing to sacrifice and adjust my life around our baby's needs. We have an 11-month-old, and this clash has been happening since early on.
Today, for example, we were invited to a joint late birthday celebration for my 4-year-old stepkid and his 2yo toddler friend. Nothing fancy. We brought food and drinks, they made food too. It was a lunch event around 12 PM, extending into the early evening, which was ideal for us because our baby’s bedtime is between 6/7 PM, and the 'party' was an hour away.
But my husband decided to stay much later, no idea what time he'll come (they ordered a pizza at 9pm so probably sometime after midnight). This has happened multiple times before. I end up taking a separate car because he doesn't want to leave early with us. His plan is always to let the baby sleep at the host’s house, wake her up when it's time to go, drive an hour home, and then try to get her back to sleep.
To me, this feels so disruptive for a baby, especially when she just got back into her routine after a long trip (we recently did a 10-hour drive go and back for a holiday). None of his friends with kids do this, they all go home together and none has any baby, they have older kids so they can stay later at night. I feel like I’m the only one prioritizing our baby’s needs, and it's isolating.
Has anyone else experienced this kind of disconnect with their partner’s parenting style? How do you find balance or get your partner to see the importance of consistency and routines for a baby?
I’m looking to hear from parents who have disagreements about parenting approaches, not from people who fully agree with my husband’s perspective, I already live with that.