Yesterday, I was so done. I went to see him and mentally prepared to break up and was going to do it. I dealt with my emotions so I wouldn’t cry while doing it.
I do love him. He is an amazing guy. He is very kind and honest. But the effort in our relationship has completely declined. Mind you, he has worked almost every day of the month, for the last 4 months. So he hasn’t really had time to give me what I need and I understand that he was under a lot of stress. However, continuously being felt like my needs weren’t being met was exhausting.
We started fighting over stupid things. We stopped having date nights. We haven’t had sex in over a month. He stopped all types of physical affection. No plans for my birthday. All of effort at the beginning was just completely gone. He was a big acts of service guy, which is why I began dating him. He made me feel more loved than anyone else.
I hold no resentment towards him because I understand that he worked a ton more than any human should.
Yesterday, I told him that we need to talk. We met up, and I told him that I was done begging for the bare minimum, that I am breaking up with him. He then pleaded with me and asked that I trust him and give him one chance to make it right – and if I don’t, then leave him.
Normally I wouldn’t believe this, however he did say that his job has changed now where he will be working less and actually have weekends off now. Before, he was working week days and weekends.
He said he’s going to make things right again and to give him a little bit before making that decision. He said that I am the best girlfriend he’s had and he doesn’t want to lose me…. But then I want him to act like it.
I don’t want to sound entitled… as he himself was going through a rough time too. But not getting my needs met for months made me miserable quite honestly. I feel so drained all of the time, and quite honestly mentally checked out after months of not feeling like a priority.
In a way… I’m actually mad at myself. I talked myself into breaking up with him and that we were done begging. And then the conversation was had, and something he said must have changed my mind.
I also don’t know if this is something I can come back from. I feel emotionally closed off now. Like it’s going to take me a long time for me to get back to where I was. Kind of like at the beginning when you start dating someone and have to win them over… that’s how i feel. I do want it to work, but I feel so stressed now.
Just a rant. I feel sad. And mad at myself.
TLDR: i almost dumped my boyfriend due to lack of effort with his crazy work schedule. After months of feeling neglected, i expressed that i wanted to break up. He asked for one chance to make it right for me. I feel mad at myself for not following through with the breakup and giving him that chance, after months of feeling shitty. I do want this to workout, i just don’t know if i can come back from it.