My BF is 28m and I am 27f – we got into a big argument right before we plan to move in and we let ourselves talk about all the dark thoughts and red flags we were feeling. After it all I don’t feel connected to him right now, while we ended the conversation I am not sure how to act around him right now. I’m going to list some points we touched on and I would like some advice. Are these things we can work on as a couple and move past? Should we have another conversation before I move in?
TLDR Key points made in argument (frustrations we have with each other)
power dynamic, he feels I’m trying to control his space and not talking about it as a couple decisions. Ex: I say “that art is going when I move in” I have not tossed anything
-My feelings are invalidated, when I tell him something he has done upsets me, he tries to explain it away and why I shouldn’t it.
-excessive boundaries, I feel like I can’t have a reaction because of his trauma so he is quick to tell me to “relax/calm down” as I am being to much. Most times I am acting normal and just disagreeing with him not upset but he takes it as I am being crazy
Children might be a No, he seems to be unsure if he wants kids. I think that is okay we both aren’t ready for them right now. But he is letting the fear of spending money or a health issue dictate whether to have one or not.
No burning desire for marriage, this was a bomb but he dropped this on me yesterday we have been dating for almost 2 years so neither of us is ready to get married. I want to live with him first before I can be sure this is my partner. But the feeling of him saying “I don’t have this desire to marry you because of how you act” hurt me.