Might get a bit long and perhaps crude because I want to accurately relay my wife's thoughts and the way she phrases them. Apologies for any odd wording, English is not my native language.

Wife and I have been married for a bit over two years and while our marriage was technically arranged, we have known of each other since childhood. Both of us grew up religious and this is where the problem begins. For me it's more of a source of comfort, while for her it's a source of crippling anxiety and debilitating shame.

One of her major points of shame is sex. We've tried a few times, but she always bursts into tears, so I couldn't in good conscience keep tormenting her. She has offered to keep a pillow over her head while I "do my business", but I find that inconceivable. Just the simple fact that she is married makes her worried that everyone now assumes she has been "defiled" by marital activities.

Another tangential point, we're Catholic, so contraception is forbidden. Which I disagree with and would have no trouble foregoing the rule if it helped her in any way. But to her, what she believes the rule signifies is a great source of emotional pain. She believes God created her to live a servile life at the mercy of others, with no control over what happens to her or her body, always under the thumb of a man and unable to reach the standard of the ideal Biblical woman (a virgin mother, like Mary). She believes the system was designed to keep women perpetually humiliated on purpose as punishment for the sin of Eve. I personally believe this is why she's so afraid. She's afraid God knows she's mad at Him for making her a woman with a predetermined purpose she's obligated to surrender herself to and will punish her for hating His design. (Not my belief, just what I think is going through her troubled mind.)

I am genuinely at a loss as to what to do. I'm not even sure therapy would work since she needs clear, concise answers and no one can guarantee she won't go to Hell over her negative feelings. At least not in a way I would see her accepting as satisfactory.


Leave a Reply