Hello everyone. I (28M) brought up a conversation with my (29F) girlfriend about future living situations. This is a LTR (Long Term Relationship) by the way.
A few nights ago, I brought up that I wanted to live closer to my family. She is from the east coast and I am from the southwest US. Between the cost and the coordination of going across the country to visit my family is pretty steep. I haven’t spent more than a few days at home nor have spent any holidays with my family since we have been together (4 years). I have missed funerals and major life accomplishments for parts of my family due to the distance. Anytime I’ve brought up that I want to go home to see family, she cries because she wants me home with her for the holidays even though I said that I would pay for her to come.
The issue is that I brought up the fact that I would like to move closer to home to find a good half way point for both of our families to converge. However this opened up that she is scared and doesn’t want to leave her family. In which she cried, and said that she feels like she isn’t enough or this life isn’t enough, and how she wanted to start a family here and have her family close by, without acknowledging that my family would have to cross the country to see us if we decided to start a family and I don’t think that’s fair. She believes her choice is between her family and me. And she is perfectly content with me staying on the east coast even though I am unhappy.
I expressed that I don’t think it’s fair that your family is so close by and I barely see mine once or twice a year. And I asked just to meet half way so we can both be centralized between both families. She expressed that she hasn’t ever been without her family and that it would make her sad to be away from them that long or that far away. I however have been living very far away from my family the whole relationship and which to build those relationships that I left behind to be on the east coast for work at the time. I told her I would never tell her what to do or force her to do things that she doesn’t want to do, so I left the choice up to her.
I love her and I appreciate everything she has done for me but I feel like I’ve given all I could to ensure that she is happy. Am I valid for asking for a half way point? I feel like this may be the down fall of this relationship because I cannot in good faith take her resent me because I’m asking her to leave her family behind for the sake of being somewhat closer to mine. Thanks