My girlfriend, 24F, and I, 25M, got into one big argument yesterday.
Firstly for context, our relationship was very complicated. We were trying to make it work for the last two years with many situationships and at least three breakups. Recently, a month ago, we returned to talking again after she blocked me, and we decided to reconstruct the bond that we had and got really close with love messages everyday and late night calls that last no less than an hour. We're a long-distance couple, as we're 2000 km apart (sorry, I only use metric), which honestly makes things harder for us to reach common ground whenever we fight, but we're planning on seeing each other in four days, which is next Thursday as I will be back in my hometown.
So yesterday we got into one of the biggest arguments so far, and it's my cold behavior towards her. Long story short, we didn't start the day great, as we weren't texting like we always do (no affectionate words, no "I love you," no "baby," etc.). So I kept asking myself if I did anything wrong or if I screwed up in something, and I had to guess what it was? I spent the entire day overthinking it, and when I was about to send her a text regarding this topic, she told me that she traveled to another city and would be spending the weekend there with some friends. I admit I made a big mistake because it didn't cross my mind to ask her why and with whom she was, because I was too focused on us not talking like we used to. I called her to discuss that, and here are the points she raised:
- I don't care with whom she is or spending the night with.
- I'm not jealous of her.
- I'm way too shy and not courageous enough and hesitate or take too long to ask if something is wrong.
- This is not the behavior of someone who wants a committed and serious relationship.
- I always make these kinds of mistakes, and it pisses her off.
- She's tired of always telling me how to properly behave with her and that a real man should do this naturally.
Right now I think our relationship is crumbling apart and the dream of having a life with her is getting blown away. My only thought right now is to wait until I meet with her on Thursday and give her the bday present I bought her (her bday is 2 weeks from now 10 Aug) and then respectfully leave the relationship despite my love for her. I also felt like I didn't deserve her love and as a man I should have enough self-respect to leave because I don't want to keep embarrassing myself and emotionally torture her anymore. I love her like I never loved anyone in my life and I always saw her as my other half but there are things that can't be easily fixed. She doesn't trust me anymore when I say this behavior won't be repeated again and I will change. If it's not her I know for a fact that I'm dying alone.
Should I breakup and end this entire drama or hold on tight to the bond?
TL;DR: My gf and I have had a complicated long-distance relationship for two years. We recently got close again, but yesterday we had a huge fight. She says I'm too emotionally distant, not jealous, and don't act like someone serious about love. I feel like I've let her down too many times. I still love her deeply, but I'm thinking of ending things when we meet because maybe letting go is the only way to stop hurting her.