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As a man, I regularly meet plenty of other men at singles events and speed dating events. This doesn’t apply to all men I meet, but some of the men (and women) I meet at these things are so hard to talk to and oftentimes don’t have anything interesting to say or even ask me questions about myself or my opinions on something.
You can have all the hobbies and interests in the world but if you can’t articulate them, they don’t matter. Attractiveness is more than just having a nice face or body, it’s also being able to articulate a level of personal energy. And this doesn’t have anything related to introversion or extraversion – I know introverts who are amazing conversationalists.
I met a dude during a singles event recently and he admitted after spending the past 3 years trying to date, he’s desperate now. But he had nothing interesting to say and almost no affect, so I could tell why he’s having difficulty.
Ended things with someone recently, after a lot of doubts and uncertainty, and immediately regretted it the next day.
I thought I was slowly beating my fear of commitment, but I am realising now how badly it was still ruining everything the past few months. Ugh
I cried again last night thinking about him. I feel like I haven’t slept in days. I don’t know how much longer I can remain his friend while still waiting for a second chance.
Serious question: Why do people feel such a need to be friends with their exes (and men, specifically)?
If you don’t have kids together or any other responsibilities, I really don’t get maintaining contact with them. Especially in cases where the breakup was messing or involved cheating. Why stay friends with someone who made you a cheater?
Turning 37 next month and starting to realize the wife/kids dream may never come true. I’m a guy, so fortunately I have a bit more biological time – but I’m also getting to a point where I wouldn’t want to have kids, just because I don’t want to be a 65-year-old dad with kids in high school.
I’ve been single for two years now. I broke it off with the most amazing woman because we ultimately had different views on wanting kids.
Since then, I’ve met some fine people, but nothing’s clicked. The one person I was really into wasn’t into me (lol). I’ve been trying. But I’m starting to realize my city doesn’t have many people my age who are single, mostly college kids, established families, and retirees. I might need to move.
I’m about an hour north of Denver, but I honestly don’t want to live in Denver (again). I’ve also heard the dating scene there can be pretty fickle.
I feel like I’m at a big crossroads in my life and don’t know how to navigate it. Should I move to a bigger city, even though I’m more of a small-town, outdoorsy type? Should I keep pursuing women who want kids, or shift toward people who don’t? I know that “settling” is not an option.
I feel stuck. And I think I’m starting to mourn a life I may never get to live.
My therapist says to just live my life. Embrace a major move to somewhere like Seattle (big city near mountains). She encourages me to follow my intuition and that things will work out fine, but my intuition is all fucked.
Really feel like I’ll never have a real relationship. I can’t remember the last time I even had a second date. I really do want romantic love and I’m sad it hasn’t happened for me.
I fucked up, or maybe it was inevitable. Started talking a few weeks, had our first date/dates (I met her for the weekend) 2 weeks ago. Had our first sex at the beginning of the week when I joined her to a concert (she clearly initiated the sex).
Yesterday night we talked about relationships, and she told me (again) how she believes that she will never be truly in love again like with her ex, and then something else that made me say “if this is the case, then maybe we should not continue like this”. And she got super upset, and hurt, how dare I hit her with “I am breaking up with you” (I did not say that).
I knew that she has major issues with attachment (I have too). I wanted to be strong, and to give that relationship a chance because there are so many things that are just right about her.
So now she is about to begin her night shift at the hospital, I know that she dreads that. And I am sad that I am not there to support her like I used to do. I am sad that I failed to be a man and create a safe space for us both to heal emotionally.
I know that I must not text her or call her, because there is nothing good that can come from this. Can somebody win back what they never had? Thats me right now, I would like her to give us a second chance. I need to sleep over that whole thing, and then in a day or two I will write her my “I am sorry that you decided this way, I would have liked to give this a chance but I respect your decision, good luck” message.
Why does the slow fade ALWAYS happen?!
Welp I’m kinda surprise. Asked a friend that I occasionally go on hikes with and that I talk movie stuff with said yes to being FWB. Not expecting it to go past that but I’m not sure how to really keep everything else platonic and not catch feeling. Most casual things I’ve been with were one offs.
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My coworker saw my crushtomer on bumble but didn’t think to take a screenshot for me. I got on there and swiped until I ran out of people and didn’t see him.
I think I might shoot my shot in person finally. We have a playful rapport, and I’ve said some blatantly flirty things to him before, which he neither shut down nor took the bait. He seems really shy in general though.
I’m thinking of saying something to the effect of “I know a barista who thinks you’re hot” and offering my number. I just want to get a clear rejection so I can get over him before he starts bringing a girlfriend in.
Am I “leading her on” from her perspective?
So I met this woman last year when she traveled here to visit friends. We have a mutual friend and she tried hard to set us up. We did meet and i acted as tour guide for a few days but there was no chemistry from my side. The friend and others tried hard to talk me into reconsidering her but i said no.
She went back to her country and the last time i heard from her she mentioned she wanted to do some school exchange for an year, visa pending. Recently my friend told me she’s coming to visit her around thanksgiving. I texted her saying “Heard you got your Visa got approved – congrats!” She said “Not yet, I am still on tourist visa and visiting around Oct/Nov.” I said “ah, i see”. She responded “Whether I come or not doesn’t affect how you are living” then i responded with “?” and she with laughing face.
Fwiw, i will be back home for thanksgiving and with 99% certainty (unless i dont go to the party the mutual friend goes) see her. Should I just ignore her or just say ‘hi’ and ignore the “noise” with people trying to ask me to reconsider her again?
Why are some people insisting on dating at any costs?? It’s giving desperation, y’all. It ain’t sexy.
I’m talking, not over a break up, no emotional regulation, emotional intelligence of a spoon, lacking maturity, lack of empathy, cynism for the other gender, etc… You don’t need to be your best self and have your best life to deserve love, at all. But surely, some conditions are more optimal than others. And for someone who is midly well-adjusted and self-actualized, it’s all pretty fricking obvious and a immediate big turn off
I’ve straight up asked some dates: “Why are you dating?” Not what are you looking for, but *why*.
And I’ve had grown men not being able to answer and 1 literally started crying.
I reassured him that crying is ok, crying is *good* actually. Release that shit !!
Now tho, STRAIGHT TO THERAPY PLEASE SIR !!
I just want to avoid my friends that I share with my ex but I should clarify again and tell them straight out “Hope you all can get together for a summer vacation this year with (my ex). I enjoyed seeing you all last summer. I’m still not in contact with (my ex) and I would like to keep it that way. I don’t intend to interfere with her connection to the group and I hope to stay connected with you all. Here’s to a great rest of the summer!” I should also clarify one final time “Long story short: we dated briefly, it didn’t work out and we agreed it’s better to move on without contact. It’s a boundary of mutual respect and I wish her all the best.” But I’m afraid that will just bring more people and attention into a situation I tried to resolve a year ago when I cut contact with her. Unfortunately one or two friends don’t seem to understand my no contact boundary with her. She always finds a way back and I haven’t been able to get more than 4 months without some kind of contact from her. The mutual friends are long distance in different states and don’t seem to remember or care about the situation and want to keep everyone together. I’m just tired of the complications and don’t want to create further drama or hold her secrets for her. I don’t want to drop them all but I need my peace of mind. Therapists couldn’t help me with inner peace and advised not to drop my friends and accept her presence and just friend-zone her.
I really loathe the gender wars. I have a group of female friends that I really respect and enjoy being around, but they *hate* men. Like they just constantly make the broad statements “men this, men that” and while I know none of these things are true of *me*, it’s hard not to feel targeted and mislabeled regardless.
That’s something I really wish people would understand in general. When you paint everyone of a certain group with the same brush, you inevitably alienate *someone* in that group.
When we talk about men and women on this subreddit, I do appreciate the many, many people who discuss the topic respectfully and give lots of room for diversity within a given group, I also occasionally see broad and unfair generalizations. With so many people here struggling, I hope we can continue to spotlight positive narratives and stray away from hurt-filled generalizations. 🙏
Edit: Apologies, I was writing, got interrupted, and butt-dialed a whole bunch of text. LOL.
Went on a date with a match from a speed dating event a couple nights ago. It was a good conversation but she doesn’t wanna move forward. To be honest I don’t feel that broken up about it. I was glad to have a good interaction and put myself out there. She was very respectful and very clear from the beginning as we were setting things up and I admire that she didn’t want to waste time for either of us.
If you are messaging on an app for several days or more, nothing has been mentioned about a date yet. And you aren’t feeling the conversation – do you let them know before ending the chat/unmatching or do you ghost? If you’re on the receiving end of either how do you feel?