We've been together for 5 years, and lately I've been asking myself: what is too much compromise? I would like advice, how to do I get out of this resentful feeling and feel motivated in life/work/relationship again?
I (M32) gave up my dream job abroad because my partner (F28) didn't want to move. That decision has been weighing on me ever since. I used to feel excited about the future, I had goals, dreams, image of how life would be together. But after that, things started to go downhill.
I'm someone who thrives on long-term planning and working toward goals. She’s more in-the-moment, prefers to “see what happens” and enjoy life. She vaguely says that she would like to have children together but would like to marry before. I appreciate that. But now that my career dreams are off the table, I’d like to move closer to my family and friends to rebuild some kind of joy and support in my life. But she’s vague, always a “maybe,” never a clear plan, and it’s eating away at me. I feel stuck, directionless, and increasingly lonely in a city that doesn’t feel like home anymore.
What hurts most is that when I open up about how lost or unfulfilled I feel, the conversation somehow flips and I end up comforting her because I must be “so unhappy” and “want to leave.” It makes me feel guilty for even wanting more from life.
So here I am, no dream job, no social life, no roots in the place we live, and starting to feel emotionally distant. I’m wondering how do you know when compromise becomes harmful for yourself? At what point is it okay for me to say this is too much? And how do I separate that from being selfish or narcissistic in a relationship so I would be a good partner again, without betraying myself?
Any advice or perspectives would mean a lot.
TL;DR: I (M32) gave up my dream job because my partner (F28) didn’t want to move. Since then, I’ve felt lost, no fulfilling career, no social life, and stuck in a city I don’t enjoy. She avoids making long-term plans, and when I open up, I end up comforting her. I feel like I’ve compromised too much and don’t know if I’m being unfair or just finally realizing my needs aren’t being met. How do I ger rid of this feeling and feel motivated in life again?