Ladies: if you have them, what do your parents (or parent figures) have to say about your date-to-wed goals? And how does what they say align with your own views, values, and last but not least, hopes?
July 22, 2025
Ladies: if you have them, what do your parents (or parent figures) have to say about your date-to-wed goals? And how does what they say align with your own views, values, and last but not least, hopes?
18 comments
What’s a date-to-wed goal?
They don’t care lol just want me to be happy. Currently engaged to a man I have been with for 3 years, we have a son together, but considering ending the engagement due to lack of emotional bond/connection and trouble communicating due to his narcissistic tendencies
My parents never really interfered with their three daughters’ dating habits. When I called to tell them I thought I’d found the man I wanted to marry, their concern wasn’t about the speed of our relationship. Instead, they were more worried that I’d met someone who was too much like me. They did warn me to exercise caution, particularly considering how my last engagement turned out.
If your getting pressure from your parents, you might sit them down and explain that it is your life and choice.
My mom just called me earlier today harassing me about when my fiancé and I are going to get married. It’s funny because before we had our son I brought up to her that I wanted to marry him and she told me that it was way too soon (that was after about a year of dating). I got pregnant with my son after about 1.5 years of dating and we’ve now been dating for almost 3 years.
My parents had nothing to say about this topic. Who i dated was my decision, how long i dated was my decision (well, and my partners decision). I did not date “to wed”, i dated because that guy and i loved each other.
Thoughts (and then plans) about a wedding would have been “later, when i am older/ when the relationship is stable enough to evolve the decision (together as a couple)”.
Did my parents ever gave me the impression of “x and y have to be the main goal before you decide to date/ marry”? No, i do not think there was something.
Oh wait, there was “something”. My mom did say (a handfull of times, till i found the right words to shut that beep down) that i should never marry a foreigner (as in “someone who comes/ lives in an other country”). Only reason was “It would get to complicated in case of a divorce”. Well, i did shut that beep down. I told her “First, i do not want to marry someone when i think about a possible divorce right from the beginning – Second, i am my own person, just because X or Z had a bad experience it does not mean that i will experience the same – Third, i think i am allowed to make my own experiences, have my own goals”.
My parents didn’t care one way or another. When we announced we had a set a wedding date I think my mom might have made a snarky comment about “I wondered if yall ever would” but we’d been together 9 years when we got married, lol (high school sweethearts).
Granted, my mom has said she gets my husband if we divorce.
Well my mom says I should start saving extra for retirement because there will be no husband or children to take care of me
My dad says the worst thing I could ever do is fall in love with a guy
So that’s great…
My mom bugged me constantly through high school and college with the whole “so, do you have a boooooyfriend?” thing which always made me feel really put on the spot.
I live abroad now and my partner is from a different country from me. I was in a really awful work situation so we went to city hall to get legally married so I could quit and look for something else without being deported. (been together 8 years) We only told our parents, but didn’t plan to tell any other family *because we still want to have a proposal and wedding* and we figured older relatives would not understand us doing it backwards.
My parents are *insisting* I tell my grandparents and guilt tripping me by saying “how would you feel if they died and never knew you got married?”
Honestly I wish I’d never told them. But then how would I explain quitting my job but remaining abroad with no work visa?
And I can tell they’re disappointed I chose someone from another country meaning it’s not guaranteed I’ll ever return “home.”
I dunno.
Parents can be exhausting.
Props to all these replies saying “they don’t care, they just want me to be happy.” Genuinely, good for you guys.
My parents would care if I was wasting tons of my time by seriously dating someone obviously not worth a long-term commitment. So in that sense, for actual relationships, they would want me to date for marriage. However, they also wouldn’t care if I was casually hooking up without purpose. They know I’d take precautions to avoid unplanned pregnancy.
This is on par with my values. Date to wed + flirt and hook up (when not dating) for fun.
I do not discuss my love life with my parents. My number 1 rule is to not vent to them no matter how I using I am. Because I will forgive then person I love and continue to build with him. By my family won’t. So my love life is not generally discussed.
I also eloped and told them I got married after the fact.
My mom has never said anything about it. I guess if was doing some crazy fast-moving relationship, maybe she or other family would voice concern, but I’ve never done anything like and never would unless I was having some kind of mental issues.
I stopped talking about it with them because it’s what I want, not what they want or how they think it should be.
They’ve always just told me to do what makes me happy
My parents never cared but they care both dead and I’m a newly single 39 year old woman who never wanted to live with or marry anyone which is why we broke up. They wouldn’t have cared even if they were alive. Whatever I wanted to be happy
I had no plans in getting married or the need to have children. My mom got a bit upset thinking she wasn’t going to have any grandchildren (brother finally relented and got 3) I was contented to be single until I (38) was surprised by an unexpected wonderful man (43) who was happy just to have me only!
My mom and dad have never had a comment about my dates, they have talked to me about red flags they have seen in them and yes sure they knew stuff bout my exes, but always have respected my privacy first. If they ever had a projection on me it died early I guess, I’m a scientist, and all this time (I’m 28) I’ve invested in my studies and self growth. I want to be happy, no matter if I’m in my own. If I ever get to have a baby I know they will love him or her, and help me take care of it because it’s mine and I love it and they love what I love.
My parents have been expecting me to get married and have kids since I was 18. Me going to college instead of finding someone to settle down just about broke their brains and my family’s brains. To this day I am the weird one in the family that many don’t understand. My mom has tried to get me to agree to an arranged marriage twice now and we don’t even do arranged marriages in my family. I am often emotionally blackmailed about how I’m breaking my parents and grandparents heart by now giving them grandchildren since an early age because in their words “we might die any moment now and not get to enjoy them for a longer time” I live no where near them. Honestly I care very little to what they want of expect from me. I never wanted to settle down fast or get married to the first guy I dated. And I’ve done just that. I have dated half the rainbow. I have a decent job. I completely sustain me without my families help. I spoil me rotten when I can. I am now in a relationship with an amazing man. I have been able to travel to almost half the states in the US. I am living my life my way. And if that makes me the weird one in the family then so be it. If my parents, aunt, uncles decided to marry young and have kids young and did it. Then good for them. None of them look particularly happy or are completely financially stable but they are living their life their way. And maybe that makes me selfish. But again I’m okay with that.
My mom passed away when I was 25 (now 36). She was a free spirit. The only things I remember her telling me were don’t wait to sleep with someone because sex could be disappointing, birth control birth control birth control, don’t settle, and have fun.
I do not recall a discussion of her telling me about any goals that had to do with getting married. All relationships are different and we are all on our own timeline.
18 comments
What’s a date-to-wed goal?
They don’t care lol just want me to be happy. Currently engaged to a man I have been with for 3 years, we have a son together, but considering ending the engagement due to lack of emotional bond/connection and trouble communicating due to his narcissistic tendencies
My parents never really interfered with their three daughters’ dating habits. When I called to tell them I thought I’d found the man I wanted to marry, their concern wasn’t about the speed of our relationship. Instead, they were more worried that I’d met someone who was too much like me. They did warn me to exercise caution, particularly considering how my last engagement turned out.
If your getting pressure from your parents, you might sit them down and explain that it is your life and choice.
My mom just called me earlier today harassing me about when my fiancé and I are going to get married. It’s funny because before we had our son I brought up to her that I wanted to marry him and she told me that it was way too soon (that was after about a year of dating). I got pregnant with my son after about 1.5 years of dating and we’ve now been dating for almost 3 years.
My parents had nothing to say about this topic. Who i dated was my decision, how long i dated was my decision (well, and my partners decision). I did not date “to wed”, i dated because that guy and i loved each other.
Thoughts (and then plans) about a wedding would have been “later, when i am older/ when the relationship is stable enough to evolve the decision (together as a couple)”.
Did my parents ever gave me the impression of “x and y have to be the main goal before you decide to date/ marry”? No, i do not think there was something.
Oh wait, there was “something”. My mom did say (a handfull of times, till i found the right words to shut that beep down) that i should never marry a foreigner (as in “someone who comes/ lives in an other country”). Only reason was “It would get to complicated in case of a divorce”. Well, i did shut that beep down. I told her “First, i do not want to marry someone when i think about a possible divorce right from the beginning – Second, i am my own person, just because X or Z had a bad experience it does not mean that i will experience the same – Third, i think i am allowed to make my own experiences, have my own goals”.
My parents didn’t care one way or another. When we announced we had a set a wedding date I think my mom might have made a snarky comment about “I wondered if yall ever would” but we’d been together 9 years when we got married, lol (high school sweethearts).
Granted, my mom has said she gets my husband if we divorce.
Well my mom says I should start saving extra for retirement because there will be no husband or children to take care of me
My dad says the worst thing I could ever do is fall in love with a guy
So that’s great…
My mom bugged me constantly through high school and college with the whole “so, do you have a boooooyfriend?” thing which always made me feel really put on the spot.
I live abroad now and my partner is from a different country from me. I was in a really awful work situation so we went to city hall to get legally married so I could quit and look for something else without being deported. (been together 8 years) We only told our parents, but didn’t plan to tell any other family *because we still want to have a proposal and wedding* and we figured older relatives would not understand us doing it backwards.
My parents are *insisting* I tell my grandparents and guilt tripping me by saying “how would you feel if they died and never knew you got married?”
Honestly I wish I’d never told them. But then how would I explain quitting my job but remaining abroad with no work visa?
And I can tell they’re disappointed I chose someone from another country meaning it’s not guaranteed I’ll ever return “home.”
I dunno.
Parents can be exhausting.
Props to all these replies saying “they don’t care, they just want me to be happy.” Genuinely, good for you guys.
My parents would care if I was wasting tons of my time by seriously dating someone obviously not worth a long-term commitment. So in that sense, for actual relationships, they would want me to date for marriage. However, they also wouldn’t care if I was casually hooking up without purpose. They know I’d take precautions to avoid unplanned pregnancy.
This is on par with my values. Date to wed + flirt and hook up (when not dating) for fun.
I do not discuss my love life with my parents. My number 1 rule is to not vent to them no matter how I using I am. Because I will forgive then person I love and continue to build with him. By my family won’t. So my love life is not generally discussed.
I also eloped and told them I got married after the fact.
My mom has never said anything about it. I guess if was doing some crazy fast-moving relationship, maybe she or other family would voice concern, but I’ve never done anything like and never would unless I was having some kind of mental issues.
I stopped talking about it with them because it’s what I want, not what they want or how they think it should be.
They’ve always just told me to do what makes me happy
My parents never cared but they care both dead and I’m a newly single 39 year old woman who never wanted to live with or marry anyone which is why we broke up. They wouldn’t have cared even if they were alive. Whatever I wanted to be happy
I had no plans in getting married or the need to have children. My mom got a bit upset thinking she wasn’t going to have any grandchildren (brother finally relented and got 3) I was contented to be single until I (38) was surprised by an unexpected wonderful man (43) who was happy just to have me only!
My mom and dad have never had a comment about my dates, they have talked to me about red flags they have seen in them and yes sure they knew stuff bout my exes, but always have respected my privacy first. If they ever had a projection on me it died early I guess, I’m a scientist, and all this time (I’m 28) I’ve invested in my studies and self growth. I want to be happy, no matter if I’m in my own. If I ever get to have a baby I know they will love him or her, and help me take care of it because it’s mine and I love it and they love what I love.
My parents have been expecting me to get married and have kids since I was 18. Me going to college instead of finding someone to settle down just about broke their brains and my family’s brains. To this day I am the weird one in the family that many don’t understand. My mom has tried to get me to agree to an arranged marriage twice now and we don’t even do arranged marriages in my family. I am often emotionally blackmailed about how I’m breaking my parents and grandparents heart by now giving them grandchildren since an early age because in their words “we might die any moment now and not get to enjoy them for a longer time” I live no where near them. Honestly I care very little to what they want of expect from me. I never wanted to settle down fast or get married to the first guy I dated. And I’ve done just that. I have dated half the rainbow. I have a decent job. I completely sustain me without my families help. I spoil me rotten when I can. I am now in a relationship with an amazing man. I have been able to travel to almost half the states in the US. I am living my life my way. And if that makes me the weird one in the family then so be it. If my parents, aunt, uncles decided to marry young and have kids young and did it. Then good for them. None of them look particularly happy or are completely financially stable but they are living their life their way. And maybe that makes me selfish. But again I’m okay with that.
My mom passed away when I was 25 (now 36). She was a free spirit. The only things I remember her telling me were don’t wait to sleep with someone because sex could be disappointing, birth control birth control birth control, don’t settle, and have fun.
I do not recall a discussion of her telling me about any goals that had to do with getting married. All relationships are different and we are all on our own timeline.