How do you deal with your parents getting old and sick?
July 20, 2025
How do you deal with your parents getting old and sick?
24 comments
You work on accepting that getting old is a privilege and getting sick is natural for older human bodies.
You spend time with them having the important conversations, telling them what they mean to you, asking their advice and remembering their stories.
You take videos and photos and voice recordings of them to save for the future.
And you come to terms with the fact that this was always going to be how things ended, and try to feel grateful for the time you had.
It’s hard. Really, i have no idea how to do it. I try to think about the good times they had and how lucky we all are that they are getting old. So many people die young.
Badly haha š i remind myself to call and go do things with them even when i’m swamped. But this is something that keeps me up at night these days.
Understanding that itās part of the circle of life. That doesnāt make it any less hard or upsetting, but itās an inevitable part of life.
Itās tough, but every small laugh or shared memory now feels like pure gold for both of you š
My mother has always been in poor health for one reason or another. I was her caretaker for the better part of 10 years as a kid (ages 9 to 19). I don’t like seeing her with mobility issues and on full-time oxygen and needing joint replacements she can’t get and so she’s in pain all the time. But I’m also used seeing her not at 100%. (I know that’s a really bad way to phrase that but I can’t think of a better one right now)
My dad though is a lot harder. He’s in relatively good health right now at almost 67 but I’m seeing the parts and pieces wear down over time. And that’s been a lot harder for me to accept.
I’m also an only child so I know what’s down the road. And I know it won’t be easy. But I’m going to do it for sure.
Crippling anxiety leading to panic attacks, apparently.Ā
My Dad is starting to have health issues, it’s heartbreaking to see
There’s not really anything you can do, he works hard so he’s able to afford a nice nurse that helps him do stuff and around the house and whatnot
Just have to learn to accept it.
My parents are 82 and almost 80 (they had me in their early 40s). Iāve been a young carer for my mum since I was 16 as she has multiple sclerosis and my dad was diagnosed with diabetes when I was in my teens too. Tbh since they day she received her diagnosis Iāve mentally prepared myself for something happening to her, because with MS you just have no idea how it will progress (she has the progressive type).
My mum has incredibly limited physical mobility but wonāt use a wheelchair. I think for me personally, some of the hardest things has been watching their independence deteriorate. The pandemic massively contributed to that and I have to do a lot for them now they are in their 80s. You have to become a parent for your parents to some effect. My dad ignores problems with his health (I studied medicine for ten years although Iām not a doctor) and Iāve had to call his doctor (in the UK thereās lots of restrictions about that) and make him get tests done. I have to be strict with my dad and make him seek advice and talk him into it, much like my 13 year old daughter.
My mumās memory and general mental processing is really slowing down now and I had to have a serious conversation with my dad about it. My parents gave me power of attorney for their affairs to help support them. Every time the phone goes and itās them, I worry itās time, but I try to live each day that I have with them as if it might be the last time I see them and make sure I tell them I love them and that they mean a lot to me. My grandma died suddenly and my mum always said how much she wished sheād told her she loved her the last time she saw her, so I always think about that and make sure I leave them without regrets.
Denial.
I live a whole continent away and have no idea how im going to be able to help them when they need it
Iām low to no contact with stepdad and bio dad. So I donāt have to worry about either of them.
My mom, lives in another state so my current priority is trying to convince her to get a will and trying to convince her to move out of the area sheās in. (It would be nice if she moved closer to us. But I donāt expect her to. Because of how frequently my partner and I move.)
My kid sister feels the pressure more because itās just mom and her by themselves. Thereās zero family support and my mom doesnāt have friends. (My mom and I are currently in the process of repairing our relationship from generational trauma. So itās a work in progress.)
The worst part is the distance. In order for us to do a trip we would need to take a week of vacation. Unfortunately the airfare is expensive where we currently live. Itās not something we can do often.
My partner and I are in the process of moving. It initially sucked because I was supposed to see my mom and sister for the first time in a few years(plus my grandpa). It was a trip that would have put us in a hard spot due to how last minute it was. But our move ultimately got in the way. (I really wanted to do this trip because I havenāt seen my grandpa since my grandma passed away. My partner was doing his best to support me but unfortunately we werenāt able to make it happen. Just too much happening this month. We both mutually agreed upon that decision)
Weāre going to be in a house now so we can actually host people and weāll be closer to a much better airport so I can actually see my family. Iām excited for this.
I havenāt really processed my mom is getting older yet. Trying to focus on seeing her more often first.
I knew when my sister was born that itās very likely our mom will pass before my sister reaches adulthood. So thatās the part I think will be the most difficult. The transition process if I need to be my sisterās guardian. We have a significant age gap. I havenāt processed yet how difficult it will be when mom goes. Generational trauma robbed us of a lot of time. Iām taking it in baby steps and trying not to focus on what we didnāt get.
My kid sister doesnāt handle parents getting old and sick well. Sheās too young to actually be helpful in the way mom needs as she gets older. So sheās feeling this pressure. The last time one of our parents got sick. My little sister had a panic attack and was puking. At that time, it was a massive shock for her. Sheās not used to seeing them like that. Itās something sheās really worried about.
I (unfortunately) handle being woken up in the morning and being told to go to the E.R. really well. Itās something Iāve had to do more than once throughout my life. Itās very likely I wonāt process what happens in the moment. Iām unfortunately good at bottling up my own emotions and feelings due to my childhood.
Unless my mom or I move closer. Thereās not really anything I can do about her getting older and sick.
I hope one of them will just hurry up and go away. But I have a feeling she will actually outlive the healthy one who I wouldnāt be able to live without.
It’s scary and stressful. I get overwhelmed every time I think of it. But at the same time I try to spend more time with them as much as I can, help when I can and take things one day at a time. It’s hard to accept all at once, so slowly trying to accept it helps. Some days are heavier than others so I take breaks when I can as well. No easy way. Just doing what I can day by day.
Honestly? It will be a big relief when they do.
Well I lost one to terminal cancer 10 years ago so I only have one left. I know my mum is inevitably going to die. But I want to hold onto her as long as possible before I become a legal orphan.
Because once sheās gone itās just me and my sister
Iām in denial, I genuinely donāt know what I will do when my mum passes (hopefully not for a very long time yet). She doesnāt always get me, but she always loves me no matter what, and always tries to understand, even when she doesnāt have the ability to understand, she still tries. She is one of the very few people who accepts me for who and what I am and it is terrifying to think she wonāt be here one day, and that there will be no one who sees me.
I don’t, my biological father dieadnof cancer at 64, he choose to abuse alcohol and sigs, his choice.
My biological mother is taken care of herself and knows that I’ll not take care of her due to circumstances and the abuse they inflicted me.
I have 2 older brothers and they are more then happy to care for their abuser so they can have it.
Honestly, I don’t know. I just try to be there for her as much as I can even if I am also tired. I work 5 days a week and on my off days, I try to take care of my mother. I also give financial help even if I’m struggling financially. Most times I overthink and wonder if I’m being a good daughter to her because I can’t be there for her all the time. I’m always anxious when it comes to my mother’s health because she has chronic kidney disease and heart failure. I try to go to church as much as possible, journal, and read books to release all my worries. I love you, mom. I hope we’ll have many more years together ahead.
The role reversal hits different when you’re suddenly the one making doctor’s appointments for the woman who used to kiss your scraped knees better. I started keeping a shared calendar with my siblings so we can coordinate who’s driving her to appointments.
my parents are very difficult to please and easy to anger. i live in a different country and my parents look so much more older ecery time i meet them. i just try to be as kind to them as possible and pray for them a lot, i also try to make sure that i apologize to them if theyre upset with me (which they are abt 11 months out of 12) so if either of us suddenly snuffs it itd be on good terms. i think id go crazy if i didnt believe in an afterlife tho, so death is more like a “see u later” to me instead of a “goodbye”
I’ve learned to cherish the good moments more. When dad has a clear day despite his health issues we’ll sit on the porch and just talk about random stuff like we used to.
I’d like to know how to handle this when they’re the ones doing the damage to themselves by continuing bad habits. And then denying it.
I don’t know if you can fully deal with it. Some pains are forever, they just dull with time and you get therapy to help manage it.
That’s just life. They’re in their 80s and many states away, so every time I see them it might be the *last* time I see them. But I have a husband and a teen and they’re my priority so I tell my parents I love them and get on with my life.
24 comments
You work on accepting that getting old is a privilege and getting sick is natural for older human bodies.
You spend time with them having the important conversations, telling them what they mean to you, asking their advice and remembering their stories.
You take videos and photos and voice recordings of them to save for the future.
And you come to terms with the fact that this was always going to be how things ended, and try to feel grateful for the time you had.
It’s hard. Really, i have no idea how to do it. I try to think about the good times they had and how lucky we all are that they are getting old. So many people die young.
Badly haha š i remind myself to call and go do things with them even when i’m swamped. But this is something that keeps me up at night these days.
Understanding that itās part of the circle of life. That doesnāt make it any less hard or upsetting, but itās an inevitable part of life.
Itās tough, but every small laugh or shared memory now feels like pure gold for both of you š
My mother has always been in poor health for one reason or another. I was her caretaker for the better part of 10 years as a kid (ages 9 to 19). I don’t like seeing her with mobility issues and on full-time oxygen and needing joint replacements she can’t get and so she’s in pain all the time. But I’m also used seeing her not at 100%. (I know that’s a really bad way to phrase that but I can’t think of a better one right now)
My dad though is a lot harder. He’s in relatively good health right now at almost 67 but I’m seeing the parts and pieces wear down over time. And that’s been a lot harder for me to accept.
I’m also an only child so I know what’s down the road. And I know it won’t be easy. But I’m going to do it for sure.
Crippling anxiety leading to panic attacks, apparently.Ā
My Dad is starting to have health issues, it’s heartbreaking to see
There’s not really anything you can do, he works hard so he’s able to afford a nice nurse that helps him do stuff and around the house and whatnot
Just have to learn to accept it.
My parents are 82 and almost 80 (they had me in their early 40s). Iāve been a young carer for my mum since I was 16 as she has multiple sclerosis and my dad was diagnosed with diabetes when I was in my teens too. Tbh since they day she received her diagnosis Iāve mentally prepared myself for something happening to her, because with MS you just have no idea how it will progress (she has the progressive type).
My mum has incredibly limited physical mobility but wonāt use a wheelchair. I think for me personally, some of the hardest things has been watching their independence deteriorate. The pandemic massively contributed to that and I have to do a lot for them now they are in their 80s. You have to become a parent for your parents to some effect. My dad ignores problems with his health (I studied medicine for ten years although Iām not a doctor) and Iāve had to call his doctor (in the UK thereās lots of restrictions about that) and make him get tests done. I have to be strict with my dad and make him seek advice and talk him into it, much like my 13 year old daughter.
My mumās memory and general mental processing is really slowing down now and I had to have a serious conversation with my dad about it. My parents gave me power of attorney for their affairs to help support them. Every time the phone goes and itās them, I worry itās time, but I try to live each day that I have with them as if it might be the last time I see them and make sure I tell them I love them and that they mean a lot to me. My grandma died suddenly and my mum always said how much she wished sheād told her she loved her the last time she saw her, so I always think about that and make sure I leave them without regrets.
Denial.
I live a whole continent away and have no idea how im going to be able to help them when they need it
Iām low to no contact with stepdad and bio dad. So I donāt have to worry about either of them.
My mom, lives in another state so my current priority is trying to convince her to get a will and trying to convince her to move out of the area sheās in. (It would be nice if she moved closer to us. But I donāt expect her to. Because of how frequently my partner and I move.)
My kid sister feels the pressure more because itās just mom and her by themselves. Thereās zero family support and my mom doesnāt have friends. (My mom and I are currently in the process of repairing our relationship from generational trauma. So itās a work in progress.)
The worst part is the distance. In order for us to do a trip we would need to take a week of vacation. Unfortunately the airfare is expensive where we currently live. Itās not something we can do often.
My partner and I are in the process of moving. It initially sucked because I was supposed to see my mom and sister for the first time in a few years(plus my grandpa). It was a trip that would have put us in a hard spot due to how last minute it was. But our move ultimately got in the way. (I really wanted to do this trip because I havenāt seen my grandpa since my grandma passed away. My partner was doing his best to support me but unfortunately we werenāt able to make it happen. Just too much happening this month. We both mutually agreed upon that decision)
Weāre going to be in a house now so we can actually host people and weāll be closer to a much better airport so I can actually see my family. Iām excited for this.
I havenāt really processed my mom is getting older yet. Trying to focus on seeing her more often first.
I knew when my sister was born that itās very likely our mom will pass before my sister reaches adulthood. So thatās the part I think will be the most difficult. The transition process if I need to be my sisterās guardian. We have a significant age gap. I havenāt processed yet how difficult it will be when mom goes. Generational trauma robbed us of a lot of time. Iām taking it in baby steps and trying not to focus on what we didnāt get.
My kid sister doesnāt handle parents getting old and sick well. Sheās too young to actually be helpful in the way mom needs as she gets older. So sheās feeling this pressure. The last time one of our parents got sick. My little sister had a panic attack and was puking. At that time, it was a massive shock for her. Sheās not used to seeing them like that. Itās something sheās really worried about.
I (unfortunately) handle being woken up in the morning and being told to go to the E.R. really well. Itās something Iāve had to do more than once throughout my life. Itās very likely I wonāt process what happens in the moment. Iām unfortunately good at bottling up my own emotions and feelings due to my childhood.
Unless my mom or I move closer. Thereās not really anything I can do about her getting older and sick.
I hope one of them will just hurry up and go away. But I have a feeling she will actually outlive the healthy one who I wouldnāt be able to live without.
It’s scary and stressful. I get overwhelmed every time I think of it. But at the same time I try to spend more time with them as much as I can, help when I can and take things one day at a time. It’s hard to accept all at once, so slowly trying to accept it helps. Some days are heavier than others so I take breaks when I can as well. No easy way. Just doing what I can day by day.
Honestly? It will be a big relief when they do.
Well I lost one to terminal cancer 10 years ago so I only have one left. I know my mum is inevitably going to die. But I want to hold onto her as long as possible before I become a legal orphan.
Because once sheās gone itās just me and my sister
Iām in denial, I genuinely donāt know what I will do when my mum passes (hopefully not for a very long time yet). She doesnāt always get me, but she always loves me no matter what, and always tries to understand, even when she doesnāt have the ability to understand, she still tries. She is one of the very few people who accepts me for who and what I am and it is terrifying to think she wonāt be here one day, and that there will be no one who sees me.
I don’t, my biological father dieadnof cancer at 64, he choose to abuse alcohol and sigs, his choice.
My biological mother is taken care of herself and knows that I’ll not take care of her due to circumstances and the abuse they inflicted me.
I have 2 older brothers and they are more then happy to care for their abuser so they can have it.
Honestly, I don’t know. I just try to be there for her as much as I can even if I am also tired. I work 5 days a week and on my off days, I try to take care of my mother. I also give financial help even if I’m struggling financially. Most times I overthink and wonder if I’m being a good daughter to her because I can’t be there for her all the time. I’m always anxious when it comes to my mother’s health because she has chronic kidney disease and heart failure. I try to go to church as much as possible, journal, and read books to release all my worries. I love you, mom. I hope we’ll have many more years together ahead.
The role reversal hits different when you’re suddenly the one making doctor’s appointments for the woman who used to kiss your scraped knees better. I started keeping a shared calendar with my siblings so we can coordinate who’s driving her to appointments.
my parents are very difficult to please and easy to anger. i live in a different country and my parents look so much more older ecery time i meet them. i just try to be as kind to them as possible and pray for them a lot, i also try to make sure that i apologize to them if theyre upset with me (which they are abt 11 months out of 12) so if either of us suddenly snuffs it itd be on good terms. i think id go crazy if i didnt believe in an afterlife tho, so death is more like a “see u later” to me instead of a “goodbye”
I’ve learned to cherish the good moments more. When dad has a clear day despite his health issues we’ll sit on the porch and just talk about random stuff like we used to.
I’d like to know how to handle this when they’re the ones doing the damage to themselves by continuing bad habits. And then denying it.
I don’t know if you can fully deal with it. Some pains are forever, they just dull with time and you get therapy to help manage it.
That’s just life. They’re in their 80s and many states away, so every time I see them it might be the *last* time I see them. But I have a husband and a teen and they’re my priority so I tell my parents I love them and get on with my life.