What things would you tell younger women to look for when getting into a relationship?
July 20, 2025
young as in young adults like college aged
36 comments
Trust your gut. If you have doubts about someone, you’re feeling that way for a reason
don’t settle for bare minimum treatment
Emotional availability and the ability to communicate well. No games!
If you catch them in a few lies, they probably aren’t worth your time because you will constantly wonder what else they lied about. Which can get dangerous in many ways
[removed]
You don’t have to give everyone a chance. What could be a ‘good person to date’ for some might be your worst nightmare. It’s okay to not entertain every love interest that may you have. Some people aren’t a good fit for us. Beware of getting involved with anyone who is terrible with money and finance.
Find someone who’s willing to listen to you. I mean actually listen, take it into consideration and do things differently if needed.
Too many men put their ego and “being right” over prioritizing their partners.
Believe what they tell you about them
Always pay attention to someone’s actions above their words.
If their actions don’t match their words, it honestly doesn’t matter what they say, just bail. They aren’t worth the effort.
How does he make you feel? If being around him makes you feel insecure or desperate or just plain bad, that’s a sign to leave. Even if you can’t put your finger on exactly why.
To look for someone who respects your boundaries, listens to your needs and makes you laugh all the time. And if someone can’t handle you unfiltered, they don’t deserve you polished.
Emotional regulation and emotional intelligence. If these are not part of who he is and/or how he treats you then keep moving.
Most guys aren’t really matured until late 20s-30 years old. I didn’t get married till 30. It took a minute to find my person. Been married going on 22 years. Give the good guys a chance!
A guy who will help with chores without you asking them to. It shows they care about you and don’t expect you to be their maid. I’ve also found it typically means they are feminists and see you as an equal.
The love of your life will never disrespect you in any way. They will never make you cry your eyes out. They will never call you names, never raise their voice, never harm you. The love of your life will make you feel emotionally safe. They will never call you stupid, never humiliate you, most definitely will not cheat on you.
Just move on from anyone that doesn’t treat you like they are LOYL material. Be ruthless. Goodbye, block, move on. It’s better to be alone than with someone who doesn’t make you feel seen and loved and safe.
Emotional availablity is must. Being Compatible.
[removed]
– Don’t date someone that you don’t respect, or who doesn’t treat *you* with respect. Don’t settle for “Well, they don’t treat me like garbage ALL the time.” It’s better to be alone than to be with someone who mistreats you.
– “I no longer want to date this person” is a perfectly good reason to break up.
– If you’re going to be together long term, you need to be on the same page about having/not having kids. Also, don’t bet on them changing their mind.
– Assume that the person is going to keep being the person that they are, and that they’re unlikely to change on your say-so. People *can* change if they want, but it takes time and effort and – most importantly – desire on their part. It’s up to you whether that’s a dealbreaker.
– And speaking of behavioral patterns: If they cheat *with* you, it’s very likely that they’ll cheat *on* you.
– If they propose marriage after a month, *run*.
– It’s okay to want privacy. It’s okay to not want to share your passwords. It’s okay to not want to have location-sharing turned on. You’re not obligated to be under 24/7 surveillance just because you’re in a relationship.
– Relationships with a big age gap *can* work out, but be wary. It’s not *impossible* that that charming 50-year-old is your soulmate… but it’s more likely that he’s a creep who wants a girlfriend he can control.
Someone who can talk it out with you instead of fighting
Let his actions tell you where you stand, but don’t live your life to make him happy at your expense or comfort.
There’s a difference between compromise and giving in for the sake of avoiding conflict. Compromise means the sacrifices are more or less equal and requires communication. Giving in means your suppress your feelings and nothing actually gets resolved.
If he’s constantly making excuses for not calling/ texting you or canceling dates, just let him go. He won’t change and he’s likely talking to another woman anyway. A guy who is into you will show up for you and not make excuses.
Do not lose yourself in the relationship. Have an identity that’s not being his girlfriend. Have hobbies, see your friends, and do things for yourself. Never ever give up your financial independence, no matter how rich he may be.
If he treats you like shit, loving him more WILL NOT change how he sees you or treats you. Adjust that crown on your head and walk out if he’s not treating you like a queen.
[removed]
That your dealbreakers are the same, esp. when it comes to things like wanting or not wanting children. No one is going to change their mind for the other person, nor should they be expected to. Don’t waste your time and get feelings invested if you’re not on the same page.
Is he calm
im in college, i just want to say is… DON’T
Look at their actions not words.
So much… if it feels off, dont do it. If they don’t feel safe, dont do it. If their friend group seems weird or takes priority over you, walk away. Have they ever disrespected you or made you feel that way? Leave. Do they ever deflect a problem back onto you? Leave. Are they actually putting in effort to be with you? If it’s just the bare minimum (i.e being nice/respectful) doesn’t mean you owe them everything. Do they seem secretive in anything? Leave. If they ever get aggressive in any capacity. Leave! If there is ever a time where your peace is disturbed by their presence, that is a good indicator that they are not the one. Peace is so important and it should remain a constant in a relationship, a relationship shouldn’t take away your peace. A relationship should protect you and handle you with care. Period.
don’t ever settle, don’t ignore red flags, trust your gut, don’t let a dude ever make you feel guilty for not having sex, set your standards and expectations from the gate, don’t put up with unnecessary drama, fuck the guilt trip. a person who loves you and values you, makes time to spend with you regardless.
Confusion is your answer
Maybe aim for someone whose going to inherit a house within the next three to five years via a trust. Overlook the fact he’s 5’6.
Who you choose as a partner is a much more important decision than you realize.
Hmm if you feel like yourself being 100% genuine when you’re with them and the sparks are flying, it just might be worth exploring.
If you find you’re truly interested in them, and they in you. And I mean actually listening and wanting to know about interests, work, friends, family, life, ideas, passions, dreams it just might be worth exploring.
If PG-13 intimacy feels exhilarating and reciprocal, it just might be worth exploring.
Lastly my personal favorite, if the first time you dance together you’re in synch and filled with joy, it just might be worth exploring.
There are plenty of disclaimers so I’ll leave it here 🙂
1 Read “why does he do that” from lundy bancroft.
2 Trust their actions, not their words
3 How does he manage it when you have to refuse someting ? a date, etc… does he just set another one or does he push your boundaries to have what he wants? does he get angry at you?
Find your hero, even if it’s not, you.
**To be known is to be loved**
A good partner will learn the things you like and dislike because they loves you as a human, not just as a woman.
If they never learn your favorite things, if they never learn how you like you coffee, what’s your favourite snack, color, etc – they are not the one. The person that really loves you will learn and know these things and it will be effortless.
The sexiest part of a woman’s body is inside of her skull. If you can land a partner who acknowledges that, you’re golden.
Look for someone who is, loving, respectful, truthful and honest etc.
36 comments
Trust your gut. If you have doubts about someone, you’re feeling that way for a reason
don’t settle for bare minimum treatment
Emotional availability and the ability to communicate well. No games!
If you catch them in a few lies, they probably aren’t worth your time because you will constantly wonder what else they lied about. Which can get dangerous in many ways
[removed]
You don’t have to give everyone a chance. What could be a ‘good person to date’ for some might be your worst nightmare. It’s okay to not entertain every love interest that may you have. Some people aren’t a good fit for us. Beware of getting involved with anyone who is terrible with money and finance.
Find someone who’s willing to listen to you. I mean actually listen, take it into consideration and do things differently if needed.
Too many men put their ego and “being right” over prioritizing their partners.
Believe what they tell you about them
Always pay attention to someone’s actions above their words.
If their actions don’t match their words, it honestly doesn’t matter what they say, just bail. They aren’t worth the effort.
How does he make you feel? If being around him makes you feel insecure or desperate or just plain bad, that’s a sign to leave. Even if you can’t put your finger on exactly why.
To look for someone who respects your boundaries, listens to your needs and makes you laugh all the time. And if someone can’t handle you unfiltered, they don’t deserve you polished.
Emotional regulation and emotional intelligence. If these are not part of who he is and/or how he treats you then keep moving.
Most guys aren’t really matured until late 20s-30 years old. I didn’t get married till 30. It took a minute to find my person. Been married going on 22 years. Give the good guys a chance!
A guy who will help with chores without you asking them to. It shows they care about you and don’t expect you to be their maid. I’ve also found it typically means they are feminists and see you as an equal.
The love of your life will never disrespect you in any way. They will never make you cry your eyes out. They will never call you names, never raise their voice, never harm you. The love of your life will make you feel emotionally safe. They will never call you stupid, never humiliate you, most definitely will not cheat on you.
Just move on from anyone that doesn’t treat you like they are LOYL material. Be ruthless. Goodbye, block, move on. It’s better to be alone than with someone who doesn’t make you feel seen and loved and safe.
Emotional availablity is must. Being Compatible.
[removed]
– Don’t date someone that you don’t respect, or who doesn’t treat *you* with respect. Don’t settle for “Well, they don’t treat me like garbage ALL the time.” It’s better to be alone than to be with someone who mistreats you.
– “I no longer want to date this person” is a perfectly good reason to break up.
– If you’re going to be together long term, you need to be on the same page about having/not having kids. Also, don’t bet on them changing their mind.
– Assume that the person is going to keep being the person that they are, and that they’re unlikely to change on your say-so. People *can* change if they want, but it takes time and effort and – most importantly – desire on their part. It’s up to you whether that’s a dealbreaker.
– And speaking of behavioral patterns: If they cheat *with* you, it’s very likely that they’ll cheat *on* you.
– If they propose marriage after a month, *run*.
– It’s okay to want privacy. It’s okay to not want to share your passwords. It’s okay to not want to have location-sharing turned on. You’re not obligated to be under 24/7 surveillance just because you’re in a relationship.
– Relationships with a big age gap *can* work out, but be wary. It’s not *impossible* that that charming 50-year-old is your soulmate… but it’s more likely that he’s a creep who wants a girlfriend he can control.
Someone who can talk it out with you instead of fighting
Let his actions tell you where you stand, but don’t live your life to make him happy at your expense or comfort.
There’s a difference between compromise and giving in for the sake of avoiding conflict. Compromise means the sacrifices are more or less equal and requires communication. Giving in means your suppress your feelings and nothing actually gets resolved.
If he’s constantly making excuses for not calling/ texting you or canceling dates, just let him go. He won’t change and he’s likely talking to another woman anyway. A guy who is into you will show up for you and not make excuses.
Do not lose yourself in the relationship. Have an identity that’s not being his girlfriend. Have hobbies, see your friends, and do things for yourself. Never ever give up your financial independence, no matter how rich he may be.
If he treats you like shit, loving him more WILL NOT change how he sees you or treats you. Adjust that crown on your head and walk out if he’s not treating you like a queen.
[removed]
That your dealbreakers are the same, esp. when it comes to things like wanting or not wanting children. No one is going to change their mind for the other person, nor should they be expected to. Don’t waste your time and get feelings invested if you’re not on the same page.
Is he calm
im in college, i just want to say is… DON’T
Look at their actions not words.
So much… if it feels off, dont do it. If they don’t feel safe, dont do it. If their friend group seems weird or takes priority over you, walk away. Have they ever disrespected you or made you feel that way? Leave. Do they ever deflect a problem back onto you? Leave. Are they actually putting in effort to be with you? If it’s just the bare minimum (i.e being nice/respectful) doesn’t mean you owe them everything. Do they seem secretive in anything? Leave. If they ever get aggressive in any capacity. Leave! If there is ever a time where your peace is disturbed by their presence, that is a good indicator that they are not the one. Peace is so important and it should remain a constant in a relationship, a relationship shouldn’t take away your peace. A relationship should protect you and handle you with care. Period.
don’t ever settle, don’t ignore red flags, trust your gut, don’t let a dude ever make you feel guilty for not having sex, set your standards and expectations from the gate, don’t put up with unnecessary drama, fuck the guilt trip. a person who loves you and values you, makes time to spend with you regardless.
Confusion is your answer
Maybe aim for someone whose going to inherit a house within the next three to five years via a trust. Overlook the fact he’s 5’6.
Who you choose as a partner is a much more important decision than you realize.
Hmm if you feel like yourself being 100% genuine when you’re with them and the sparks are flying, it just might be worth exploring.
If you find you’re truly interested in them, and they in you. And I mean actually listening and wanting to know about interests, work, friends, family, life, ideas, passions, dreams it just might be worth exploring.
If PG-13 intimacy feels exhilarating and reciprocal, it just might be worth exploring.
Lastly my personal favorite, if the first time you dance together you’re in synch and filled with joy, it just might be worth exploring.
There are plenty of disclaimers so I’ll leave it here 🙂
1 Read “why does he do that” from lundy bancroft.
2 Trust their actions, not their words
3 How does he manage it when you have to refuse someting ? a date, etc… does he just set another one or does he push your boundaries to have what he wants? does he get angry at you?
Find your hero, even if it’s not, you.
**To be known is to be loved**
A good partner will learn the things you like and dislike because they loves you as a human, not just as a woman.
If they never learn your favorite things, if they never learn how you like you coffee, what’s your favourite snack, color, etc – they are not the one. The person that really loves you will learn and know these things and it will be effortless.
The sexiest part of a woman’s body is inside of her skull. If you can land a partner who acknowledges that, you’re golden.
Look for someone who is, loving, respectful, truthful and honest etc.