What is your opinion on disowning children, especially if they don’t follow our values?
July 10, 2025
Let's say your daughter goes against your family's principles, do you think you are obliged to have any relation with her?
34 comments
Your children aren’t an extension of you. If you can’t fathom that they’ll grow into people who can think for themselves and form their own value system, I’m not sure you understand what being a parent is about.
Over values? Absolutely psychotic. Why even have children if you don’t want them to be their own people? They’re not just things you can enforce your will on.
I understand disowning a child if they do something horrible like committing serious crimes. But over values? No.
I think it’s ridiculous to disown humans who have their own lives and beliefs, no matter if I gave birth to them or not.
Our children are not copies of us. They are their own people.
I wouldn’t disown her. She’s her own person and free to make her own choices. I grew up in one of those strict Christian households. I did my best to raise her to think for herself.
Yes you’re obligated. Wtaf??
Wait… Yours didn’t turn out to be an exact replica of you in every way? It has its own ideas?! How the fuck?
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Legally, no. You do not owe anyone your time, attention, affection, etc.
In reality, if you are the kind of person who disowns a child because they do not believe the same religion, diet, clothing style etc as you, you are a piss poor example of a human and you really need some sort of mental health treatment.
All that being said, if their beliefs are deliberately criminal in nature that is a whole ‘nuther problem in and of itself.
You just answered someone talking as if converting to a different religion was the same as joining a terrorist group.
You don’t seem like a reasonable decent person.
My opinion is that it’s crazy to disown someone for being different, but maybe in your case, your children will be better off without you.
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If you feel you need to have a connection to your values more than to your kid, then yeah you follow your heart on that. However, I think those values are preventing you from experiencing a better relationship with your child and if it was me, I’d always choose my kid over my values. Even if my kid is doing something horrible in my eyes, disowning them would not be my choice.
If I raised someone in a way that made them think that “bad thing ” was ok, then that’s on me. That’s my lack of mentoring skill at work. And I can make up for that by forgiving them and trying to help them out and giving them a safe environment to learn from their mistakes. Not by cutting them off to save my own moral high ground.
It depends i guess, just like everything. On one hand, yeah, you should expect and want your children to grow up and be their own people, on the other hand, once they grow up and are full adults, they’re just like any other people. If you are cutting off everyone who has a totally opposite political opinion (for example a Trump supporter) then i don’t find it wrong to disown a child, they’re a person.
Disowning children because they don’t follow your values is dumb as fuck and, if you’re planning on it, you should not have children. If you’ve already had the child and now you’re wanting to disown them, you should just go the whole way and take yourself out of this world instead. That way, you don’t have to worry about them at all!
Your children are not you. They won’t think or feel like you. They might disagree with you on several topics. I suppose it depends on circumstancesz
As long as they’re not going around assaulting people or worst, I wouldn’t go and disown. I don’t think it’s my business if other peoples choose if they’re going to disown their child over values or not but in most cases, I just don’t agree with it.
There’s a lot of variables here. Age for one. The nature of the “values” for another.
If my adult child was perpetuating hatred, stealing, or essentially harming others, yeah, I likely wouldn’t have a relationship with them.
Religion, sexual orientation, becoming a vegan, or whatever? I accept, even if it differs from me.
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I think you should only be disowning your children if they are harming others:
Eg: Criminal activity, drug / alcohol/ gambling addiction.
Not “following our values” sounds like you are upset your child is gay or not practicing your religion and that is pretty despicable behavior. Exclusion for being different is awful parenting.
Distancing if they are a serial cheater or a mooch is ok, but still completely disowning should not be considered normal or anything other than a last resort.
I think if you’re going to disown your child because they’re not your mini-me, do the world a favor and don’t bother having any.
Depends on what you mean by values. Like if they show signs that they have become a serial killer or rapist or insurance executive, sure, I could understand wanting to distance yourself. But if you expect your child to not have curiosity or a desire to explore and express themselves, then why did you have a child? Like, that’s one of the best parts, watching them figure it out (“Ooh, that’s a misstep.” Then see them figure it out on their own a couple months later and change course.) If your child is not going to expect judgement from you, they will be more likely to turn to you for advice. Then you can ask questions, and figure out where they are coming from, and bring up factors they may not have considered. Ultimately, they get to make their own decisions. Do you want to be part of the discussion? Rather, do you want them to want you to be part of the discussion?
It depends.
I know a couple who disowned his son after they found out he (and his wife) had been abusing their kids.
His acts were completely against the family values, and criminal. So… I can completely understand the couple’s reaction.
The kids are no longer with their bio parents and are being raised by the aunt who is also in no speaking terms with the brother.
I would first ask why you had children…. I’m not sure if you understood the assignment.
My kids could both be gay (I’m not) dress in goth (I don’t) and suddenly become atheist or take some other spiritual path and I wouldn’t disown them for that.
Unless they became truly evil, I don’t think there’s anything they could do for me to disown them.
What “principles” are you talking about and why do I think if you’re using your daughter as an example it’s something more sexist than principled??
You are not obligated to have a relationship with your parents and they are not obligated to have a relationship with you.
That being said, every case involving going to contact with an adult child or parents is personal and its own individual set of circumstances and decisions. My mother disowned my older brother after struggling with the fallout of his decisions and addictions for year and I am glad she protected herself in that way after seeing how his choices impacted her.
My mom was ostracized by the family for getting a divorce. It goes against the family values. They’ve hidden family photos and pretended we don’t exist. All because my mom divorced my biological dad. This man was cheating on her with multiple women.
My sister and I don’t have a relationship with our grandparents. It’s effected our dynamic with other relatives.
My mom has zero support from them which made her vulnerable and forced her to turn to others for support. While my mom has become fiercely independent and done well considering her circumstances. It doesn’t change how the family became a tool and a weapon where we weren’t truly allowed to be a part of. We had to jump through hoops for basic interactions.
It’s sad that I feel more comfortable speaking to strangers than my own family. Who needs enemies with family like mine?
I will always wonder if they hadn’t made the choices they did where we would have been. It was very dysfunctional. I would never recommend anyone to actually cut off their kids this way.
I think if you care about your daughter, I wouldn’t close the line of communication. It’ll cause more damage in the end.
I would only distance myself from family members who were aggressive and exploitative. Other than that I cannot fathom what you mean.
You can’t completely disown your children where I live except in extreme cases (like if your child commits a crime against you) and I’m happy the law is like that.
George Straight sang, “Daddies don’t just love their children every now and then.” Sounds about right to me.
Distance, perhaps. Disowning wouldn’t be for me.
I don’t think children are yours to own or disown. You raise them the best you can and they become their own people. But at the same time, you are always a parent, you don’t stop being a parent, so you are there to support and help and care for them irrespective of what their values are.
Only exception I can think of is, if my kids cause someone else harm – I will be extremely conflicted over that.
Idk why, but some people genuinely think loving your child unconditionally is just an opinion. Which is ridiculous.
As someone who wants to be a mother someday, this question really hits me. I couldn’t imagine bringing a child into this world and disowning them just because their values are different. I will raise my child to be an empathetic, thoughtful, and passionate human being. Idc if they dye their hair, idc if they get a nose piercing, idc of they are apart of the LGBTQ+ community, idc if they want to be an artist when they grow up. The only thing I care about is if they are a happy, healthy, kind, and grateful human being. And if they aren’t, I clearly didn’t do a good job raising them.
If you can’t love your kid no matter what, then you dont need to be a parent, period.
Your kid is their own person. Too many people try to raise clones of themselves, then throw a tantrum when their child has their own life. And as a result, their child lives in a broken home, makes bad decisions, and has a horrible outlook on life.
Disowning your child is wrong, you brought them into the world, they didn’t have any say in that.
You may decide to limit your relationship with them quite heavily if they are making very bad choices or harming others, I’m talking about serious crime and/or addiction here. But differing beliefs is something you should *expect* as a parent, not throw a tantrum over. If an older person who you cared about had very different principles would you disown them, or would you try your best to get along? Why wouldn’t you afford your own child the same grace?
You can absolutely have personal boundaries for treatment you will or won’t accept, and reasonable rules for living in your house, but with the possible exception of major crimes to you or your other loved ones, disowning your own child is madness.
I think a person can remove any person from their life if your values are not compatible with each other. I don’t think being family makes it mandatory to spend time together in a room with someone who seriously takes away your joy. Sometimes there’s just no compromising and your core values are constantly clashing, which is never going to result in a positive interaction.
That being said, as a parent, you have a responsibility to make sure a child is cared for, so I dont condone kicking an underage person out of your home for their beliefs or anything. I also don’t think a difference in values should be used as a threat to maintain the relationship – you can’t force a person to change what they believe in exchange for your love. If you want to maintain a healthy relationship, you have to find a way to allow differences to co-exist. Families can only be healthy if love is given unconditionally.
I guess it depends what you mean by “values”. Like… you don’t eat meat, but your kids do? That’s silly. You beleive in one god, and your kid beleives in a different one? Slightly trickier, if it means there are fundamental actions that you can’t be okay with, but… I dunno, probably don’t have kids if you can’t be okay with them disagreeing with you.
HOWEVER if by “values” you mean like, you think stealing stuff and raping people is wrong, but your kid is actively engaging in that, then yeah, I could see disowning them.
I think disowning children should be a last resort in cases the child does something like murder someone in cold blood, molest their younger sibling or causes a lot of harm in some other way. Disowning your child just because they’re their own person is kinda unhinged.
Really depends on principles. We are quite easy laid back family but some things I don’t think I could ever support even my kids with.
34 comments
Your children aren’t an extension of you. If you can’t fathom that they’ll grow into people who can think for themselves and form their own value system, I’m not sure you understand what being a parent is about.
Over values? Absolutely psychotic. Why even have children if you don’t want them to be their own people? They’re not just things you can enforce your will on.
I understand disowning a child if they do something horrible like committing serious crimes. But over values? No.
I think it’s ridiculous to disown humans who have their own lives and beliefs, no matter if I gave birth to them or not.
Our children are not copies of us. They are their own people.
I wouldn’t disown her. She’s her own person and free to make her own choices. I grew up in one of those strict Christian households. I did my best to raise her to think for herself.
Yes you’re obligated. Wtaf??
Wait… Yours didn’t turn out to be an exact replica of you in every way? It has its own ideas?! How the fuck?
[removed]
Legally, no. You do not owe anyone your time, attention, affection, etc.
In reality, if you are the kind of person who disowns a child because they do not believe the same religion, diet, clothing style etc as you, you are a piss poor example of a human and you really need some sort of mental health treatment.
All that being said, if their beliefs are deliberately criminal in nature that is a whole ‘nuther problem in and of itself.
You just answered someone talking as if converting to a different religion was the same as joining a terrorist group.
You don’t seem like a reasonable decent person.
My opinion is that it’s crazy to disown someone for being different, but maybe in your case, your children will be better off without you.
[removed]
If you feel you need to have a connection to your values more than to your kid, then yeah you follow your heart on that. However, I think those values are preventing you from experiencing a better relationship with your child and if it was me, I’d always choose my kid over my values. Even if my kid is doing something horrible in my eyes, disowning them would not be my choice.
If I raised someone in a way that made them think that “bad thing ” was ok, then that’s on me. That’s my lack of mentoring skill at work. And I can make up for that by forgiving them and trying to help them out and giving them a safe environment to learn from their mistakes. Not by cutting them off to save my own moral high ground.
It depends i guess, just like everything. On one hand, yeah, you should expect and want your children to grow up and be their own people, on the other hand, once they grow up and are full adults, they’re just like any other people. If you are cutting off everyone who has a totally opposite political opinion (for example a Trump supporter) then i don’t find it wrong to disown a child, they’re a person.
Disowning children because they don’t follow your values is dumb as fuck and, if you’re planning on it, you should not have children. If you’ve already had the child and now you’re wanting to disown them, you should just go the whole way and take yourself out of this world instead. That way, you don’t have to worry about them at all!
Your children are not you. They won’t think or feel like you. They might disagree with you on several topics. I suppose it depends on circumstancesz
As long as they’re not going around assaulting people or worst, I wouldn’t go and disown. I don’t think it’s my business if other peoples choose if they’re going to disown their child over values or not but in most cases, I just don’t agree with it.
There’s a lot of variables here. Age for one. The nature of the “values” for another.
If my adult child was perpetuating hatred, stealing, or essentially harming others, yeah, I likely wouldn’t have a relationship with them.
Religion, sexual orientation, becoming a vegan, or whatever? I accept, even if it differs from me.
[removed]
I think you should only be disowning your children if they are harming others:
Eg: Criminal activity, drug / alcohol/ gambling addiction.
Not “following our values” sounds like you are upset your child is gay or not practicing your religion and that is pretty despicable behavior. Exclusion for being different is awful parenting.
Distancing if they are a serial cheater or a mooch is ok, but still completely disowning should not be considered normal or anything other than a last resort.
I think if you’re going to disown your child because they’re not your mini-me, do the world a favor and don’t bother having any.
Depends on what you mean by values. Like if they show signs that they have become a serial killer or rapist or insurance executive, sure, I could understand wanting to distance yourself. But if you expect your child to not have curiosity or a desire to explore and express themselves, then why did you have a child? Like, that’s one of the best parts, watching them figure it out (“Ooh, that’s a misstep.” Then see them figure it out on their own a couple months later and change course.) If your child is not going to expect judgement from you, they will be more likely to turn to you for advice. Then you can ask questions, and figure out where they are coming from, and bring up factors they may not have considered. Ultimately, they get to make their own decisions. Do you want to be part of the discussion? Rather, do you want them to want you to be part of the discussion?
It depends.
I know a couple who disowned his son after they found out he (and his wife) had been abusing their kids.
His acts were completely against the family values, and criminal. So… I can completely understand the couple’s reaction.
The kids are no longer with their bio parents and are being raised by the aunt who is also in no speaking terms with the brother.
I would first ask why you had children…. I’m not sure if you understood the assignment.
My kids could both be gay (I’m not) dress in goth (I don’t) and suddenly become atheist or take some other spiritual path and I wouldn’t disown them for that.
Unless they became truly evil, I don’t think there’s anything they could do for me to disown them.
What “principles” are you talking about and why do I think if you’re using your daughter as an example it’s something more sexist than principled??
You are not obligated to have a relationship with your parents and they are not obligated to have a relationship with you.
That being said, every case involving going to contact with an adult child or parents is personal and its own individual set of circumstances and decisions. My mother disowned my older brother after struggling with the fallout of his decisions and addictions for year and I am glad she protected herself in that way after seeing how his choices impacted her.
My mom was ostracized by the family for getting a divorce. It goes against the family values. They’ve hidden family photos and pretended we don’t exist. All because my mom divorced my biological dad. This man was cheating on her with multiple women.
My sister and I don’t have a relationship with our grandparents. It’s effected our dynamic with other relatives.
My mom has zero support from them which made her vulnerable and forced her to turn to others for support. While my mom has become fiercely independent and done well considering her circumstances. It doesn’t change how the family became a tool and a weapon where we weren’t truly allowed to be a part of. We had to jump through hoops for basic interactions.
It’s sad that I feel more comfortable speaking to strangers than my own family. Who needs enemies with family like mine?
I will always wonder if they hadn’t made the choices they did where we would have been. It was very dysfunctional. I would never recommend anyone to actually cut off their kids this way.
I think if you care about your daughter, I wouldn’t close the line of communication. It’ll cause more damage in the end.
I would only distance myself from family members who were aggressive and exploitative. Other than that I cannot fathom what you mean.
You can’t completely disown your children where I live except in extreme cases (like if your child commits a crime against you) and I’m happy the law is like that.
George Straight sang, “Daddies don’t just love their children every now and then.” Sounds about right to me.
Distance, perhaps. Disowning wouldn’t be for me.
I don’t think children are yours to own or disown. You raise them the best you can and they become their own people. But at the same time, you are always a parent, you don’t stop being a parent, so you are there to support and help and care for them irrespective of what their values are.
Only exception I can think of is, if my kids cause someone else harm – I will be extremely conflicted over that.
Idk why, but some people genuinely think loving your child unconditionally is just an opinion. Which is ridiculous.
As someone who wants to be a mother someday, this question really hits me. I couldn’t imagine bringing a child into this world and disowning them just because their values are different. I will raise my child to be an empathetic, thoughtful, and passionate human being. Idc if they dye their hair, idc if they get a nose piercing, idc of they are apart of the LGBTQ+ community, idc if they want to be an artist when they grow up. The only thing I care about is if they are a happy, healthy, kind, and grateful human being. And if they aren’t, I clearly didn’t do a good job raising them.
If you can’t love your kid no matter what, then you dont need to be a parent, period.
Your kid is their own person. Too many people try to raise clones of themselves, then throw a tantrum when their child has their own life. And as a result, their child lives in a broken home, makes bad decisions, and has a horrible outlook on life.
Disowning your child is wrong, you brought them into the world, they didn’t have any say in that.
You may decide to limit your relationship with them quite heavily if they are making very bad choices or harming others, I’m talking about serious crime and/or addiction here. But differing beliefs is something you should *expect* as a parent, not throw a tantrum over. If an older person who you cared about had very different principles would you disown them, or would you try your best to get along? Why wouldn’t you afford your own child the same grace?
You can absolutely have personal boundaries for treatment you will or won’t accept, and reasonable rules for living in your house, but with the possible exception of major crimes to you or your other loved ones, disowning your own child is madness.
I think a person can remove any person from their life if your values are not compatible with each other. I don’t think being family makes it mandatory to spend time together in a room with someone who seriously takes away your joy. Sometimes there’s just no compromising and your core values are constantly clashing, which is never going to result in a positive interaction.
That being said, as a parent, you have a responsibility to make sure a child is cared for, so I dont condone kicking an underage person out of your home for their beliefs or anything. I also don’t think a difference in values should be used as a threat to maintain the relationship – you can’t force a person to change what they believe in exchange for your love. If you want to maintain a healthy relationship, you have to find a way to allow differences to co-exist. Families can only be healthy if love is given unconditionally.
I guess it depends what you mean by “values”. Like… you don’t eat meat, but your kids do? That’s silly. You beleive in one god, and your kid beleives in a different one? Slightly trickier, if it means there are fundamental actions that you can’t be okay with, but… I dunno, probably don’t have kids if you can’t be okay with them disagreeing with you.
HOWEVER if by “values” you mean like, you think stealing stuff and raping people is wrong, but your kid is actively engaging in that, then yeah, I could see disowning them.
I think disowning children should be a last resort in cases the child does something like murder someone in cold blood, molest their younger sibling or causes a lot of harm in some other way. Disowning your child just because they’re their own person is kinda unhinged.
Really depends on principles. We are quite easy laid back family but some things I don’t think I could ever support even my kids with.