How did you know when the time was right to start a family?
June 26, 2025
How did you know when the time was right to start a family?
27 comments
I’m going back and forth on that question right now.
I’m recently married, and I chose this guy partly because I’ve seen him interact with children before. I want very much to have kids, and I know he’s going to be a *great* dad.
But I’m not sure if this is the right time to bring a child into the world. My husband and I are in discussion now about whether we want to start right away, or wait until the Fanta Menace is gone.
I’m especially concerned about my own bodily autonomy in case something goes wrong with the pregnancy.
Practically speaking, I knew my husband and I were in a financial position to support a child.
Emotionally, the draws of being childless and having the time and resources that come with that were no longer more appealing than the draws of starting a family, raising a child, etc. Currently sitting here exhausted while breastfeeding my 8 week old, and I stand by this being what I want to be doing. ♥️
Never wanted kids. Happened to fall in love with someone who already had sole custody of their own child (7 at the time we had our child). It then kind of had me toy with the idea that having the right partner could make me want to have a child of ‘my own’. After a few years of being together we talked about IVF and what steps it would take and cost. Now, IVF is very expensive and I just happened to have amazing health insurance which took the cost of all IVF, pregnancy appointments, and labor and delivery including NICU down to $6200 total. I think without allll the stars aligning, I never would have.
When I’ll be able to take a year off work. ✌🏼
My husband and I both felt settled in our careers, had moved somewhere with more family support, and felt financially stable enough to take the leap.
6 months later I got pregnant, 3 months after that the COVID lockdown started. He got laid off within weeks, differing viewpoints on health and safety caused a huge rift with the family, and 6 months after the baby was born, I was told my position would be phased out. We were forced to totally reconfigure our entire life over the course of the pregnancy and my baby’s first year. We moved halfway around the world when he was 18 months.
Long story short: you can think you’re ready and have all of your ducks in a row, but you can never really know what’s coming. Our saving grace in all of the turmoil was a really strong foundation in our relationship. As hard as it’s been, I wouldn’t change any of it. I’m tremendously happy with how things have turned out and excited about where they’re going.
As my mother says, no one is ever truly ready for a baby. You just take the leap and figure out the rest as you go.
I still don’t think time is right
We’ve come to the conclusion that there is never a right time, so we will start trying after summer.
My husband and I have talked about this a lot. I don’t want a lot of kids, and we agreed on one or two.
We also want to be in our 30s, more financially stable, and hopefully more mature and patient. I just want to be at a point where I did all the selfish things I wanted
As per my dad, it’s never the right time and you’ll never be ready.
i set some goalposts i dont think are unreasonable for my current relationship based on some mutual friends who recently started their family. i want to buy a home and get promoted from entry level work before we start, so we’re probably thinking around late summer next year. that will give us time to get established with our insurance, get checkups and the green light medically, and settle into a new area.
[removed]
I don’t think there is ever a right time. I’m currently pregnant with my first, it was planned, but I wanted to start trying because I finally found my person and I know he is going to be a great dad, and he is such a great partner.
We were stable. My husband wanted to be a father before he turned 40, I graduated university we both had jobs and I also wanted children.
I’m not sure. My parents accidentally had my sister and I. But… they advised that having children should come from genuinely wanting to add children and and parenthood to your life, not because you’re missing a certain type of fulfillment, can’t find your path, or because it’s “what people do”. Because if that baby doesn’t give you the fulfillment you hope for, or your path still feels undiscovered, or you did it just because it’s what people are expected to do, you may be unhappy. They said a baby/parenthood is not a solution for anything but an addition and commitment to what you already have.
I recently asked my sister in law this question (same as what you posted) and her answers were a little discouraging to me. I also don’t have children. She said they had kids because it was the natural next step in life. I asked if her life was better with children and she said “not better, just different”. I also overheard her saying she couldn’t wait until my husband and I had kids so we’d know how hard it is to be a parent. Seems puzzling to me. She and her husband do really well financially and they live in a community they say they love. Idk. Maybe she had kids in hopes it would fill a void and it didn’t turn out that way.
My husband and I keep asking ourselves if we merely want the cuteness of a baby, and the thought of a kid and milestones and memories, or if we want to be parents, to babies and teenagers and young adults and are ready to commit to the challenge. That helps us talk through the decision.
My mom’s answer was completely different. She said having kids, even though it was unplanned at 18, was the best thing to ever happen to her and my dad and they would never change anything. She said being a mom and him being a dad has made their whole lives.
I guess it just depends on the person. But I’ve found it helpful to ask yourself “what about a baby/ parenthood appeals to you? Am I ready and willing to go through all the challenges and turns that I may not expect, good and bad?” It’s a lifelong commitment.
Married and just finished grad school and working. Husband was working and bought us a house. We were sitting on the couch like every other night watching some shows before bed. That was the routine for like 3 weeks before we both thought “there’s gotta be more to this life thing”. It felt boring for a second. Not that we never did anything. It’s hard to describe.
After we bought a house and got settled in good careers, we were fine with whenever it happened. I actually had a dream about our baby girl the night before I realized I was pregnant.
When you are ready to financially and mentally take care of another human for at least 18 years. Too many people never had this minimum and it shows in society today. If you’re not prepared, how can you teach someone else to prepare for life.
My partner and I both knew we wanted kids, and had known for awhile. It was an early conversation when we started dating. At some point we just stopped using protection with a “if it happens, it happens” mindset. It happened at the worst time lol. We had just moved out of state, no jobs lined up just a total leap of faith, car broke down during the move so no car… tiniest 1 bedroom apartment that was supposed to be a starter apartment while we hit our feet on the ground. 2 weeks after moving I got the positive test. If anything it really pushed us to get our shit together a lot faster. Son is 15 months now and we just moved out of the little apartment into a two bedroom
My coworker once told me “if you want for the perfect time to have kids, it’ll never happen. Have kids and you adjust life.”
For me and my husband, we knew we wanted kids and didn’t want me to be very old when I had them, so we started trying when I was 30 and just had our first baby two weeks before I turned 32. You just have to go with when feels right to you
My husband and I knew we wanted to start a family and the timing seemed right (our age, current stability, cousins would be around the same age as our kids).
To be totally honest, I never had that painful aching need to have children and I didn’t grow up longing to be a mother, just knew it was my path. I never had amazing and dreamy expectations and with that motherhood is shattering any expectation I may have had. It is incredible. I knew it would hard but rewarding but never expected it to be this joyful and fun. I never felt incomplete before, but I now know my daughter has completed me.
I was 30. That was the requirement I had, being pregnant by that age. We had just bought a place 2 years ago, and although still had/have debt, we were in an alright position to start a family.
Thankfully we had no trouble conceiving, got pregnant on the second try. We agreed on 2 kids, so hopefully next is no trouble as well.
I’m in the mindset that, if you wait to be fully fully ready, you’ll never be ready. As long as you have a stable job, and are doing ok financially, go for it. When you have kids you’ll adjust your life, and make things work.
Lolol
Any single ladies here lurking wondering how women even meet a man they want to date?
For me, I can see that my fiancé and I will be ready in about 2-3 years and we will plan for that timing. The feeling of readiness really only started recently, when we got engaged and have been in a very stable phase of life. I finally feel like we are in a place where in that time frame, we’ll be married, own a home, and be well established in our careers. The timing will be right then due to both external factors like these and our own maturity. We will both be 33 then, and have been together since 21. We’ve had a lot of time to become strong partners and communicators and to grow as adults before adding kids to the mix. It allows us to parent thoughtfully and intentionally which is what I would want.
We started TTC right after we got married in 2021, because I was/am no spring chicken, essentially. We had originally planned on getting married in June 2020 (ha) and waiting a year to TTC. Being a pandemic couple, we essentially just kind of switched the waiting year, in a sense.
It didn’t work out for us then, and we gave up on trying in late 2022. In early 2024, surprise! You’re pregnant! It was *quite* a shock and adjustment.
I am one of those people that don’t believe the time is ever fully right, and that things – whatever they may be – work themselves out in the end.
We knew we had done the things we wanted and were financially stable enough with a good home to support a child. For me I switched jobs prior to the pregnancy to a lower risk job, and saved for mat leave. Husband took extra shifts and completed some extra qualifications then created a cushion for extras.
We had spoke about pregancy for a long time and my husband even came to appointments about me coming off birth control some months prior to trying.
My husband and I came to this realisation recently, having thought that we’d never want children. We just started feeling like God was calling us to do more with our lives. Through a mixture of praying together, studying scripture, looking at our finances and where we’re currently living (we’re doing OK and live in a very family-friendly area, and have a rock solid marriage) we just began to feel that we’re ready for a child. It all happened very gradually and naturally.
We wanted to be financially stable with decent jobs. We started dating at 21 but spent years underemployed (also traveling and going to school). We both didn’t get decent jobs in our careers until we were both around 28. That’s when we started talking about marriage and kids, which happened a few years later. We had our first kid after we had already been together for 11 years, so really felt like we knew each other really well and were well prepared to add another person to our family.
27 comments
I’m going back and forth on that question right now.
I’m recently married, and I chose this guy partly because I’ve seen him interact with children before. I want very much to have kids, and I know he’s going to be a *great* dad.
But I’m not sure if this is the right time to bring a child into the world. My husband and I are in discussion now about whether we want to start right away, or wait until the Fanta Menace is gone.
I’m especially concerned about my own bodily autonomy in case something goes wrong with the pregnancy.
Practically speaking, I knew my husband and I were in a financial position to support a child.
Emotionally, the draws of being childless and having the time and resources that come with that were no longer more appealing than the draws of starting a family, raising a child, etc. Currently sitting here exhausted while breastfeeding my 8 week old, and I stand by this being what I want to be doing. ♥️
Never wanted kids. Happened to fall in love with someone who already had sole custody of their own child (7 at the time we had our child). It then kind of had me toy with the idea that having the right partner could make me want to have a child of ‘my own’. After a few years of being together we talked about IVF and what steps it would take and cost. Now, IVF is very expensive and I just happened to have amazing health insurance which took the cost of all IVF, pregnancy appointments, and labor and delivery including NICU down to $6200 total. I think without allll the stars aligning, I never would have.
When I’ll be able to take a year off work. ✌🏼
My husband and I both felt settled in our careers, had moved somewhere with more family support, and felt financially stable enough to take the leap.
6 months later I got pregnant, 3 months after that the COVID lockdown started. He got laid off within weeks, differing viewpoints on health and safety caused a huge rift with the family, and 6 months after the baby was born, I was told my position would be phased out. We were forced to totally reconfigure our entire life over the course of the pregnancy and my baby’s first year. We moved halfway around the world when he was 18 months.
Long story short: you can think you’re ready and have all of your ducks in a row, but you can never really know what’s coming. Our saving grace in all of the turmoil was a really strong foundation in our relationship. As hard as it’s been, I wouldn’t change any of it. I’m tremendously happy with how things have turned out and excited about where they’re going.
As my mother says, no one is ever truly ready for a baby. You just take the leap and figure out the rest as you go.
I still don’t think time is right
We’ve come to the conclusion that there is never a right time, so we will start trying after summer.
My husband and I have talked about this a lot. I don’t want a lot of kids, and we agreed on one or two.
We also want to be in our 30s, more financially stable, and hopefully more mature and patient. I just want to be at a point where I did all the selfish things I wanted
As per my dad, it’s never the right time and you’ll never be ready.
i set some goalposts i dont think are unreasonable for my current relationship based on some mutual friends who recently started their family. i want to buy a home and get promoted from entry level work before we start, so we’re probably thinking around late summer next year. that will give us time to get established with our insurance, get checkups and the green light medically, and settle into a new area.
[removed]
I don’t think there is ever a right time. I’m currently pregnant with my first, it was planned, but I wanted to start trying because I finally found my person and I know he is going to be a great dad, and he is such a great partner.
We were stable. My husband wanted to be a father before he turned 40, I graduated university we both had jobs and I also wanted children.
I’m not sure. My parents accidentally had my sister and I. But… they advised that having children should come from genuinely wanting to add children and and parenthood to your life, not because you’re missing a certain type of fulfillment, can’t find your path, or because it’s “what people do”. Because if that baby doesn’t give you the fulfillment you hope for, or your path still feels undiscovered, or you did it just because it’s what people are expected to do, you may be unhappy. They said a baby/parenthood is not a solution for anything but an addition and commitment to what you already have.
I recently asked my sister in law this question (same as what you posted) and her answers were a little discouraging to me. I also don’t have children. She said they had kids because it was the natural next step in life. I asked if her life was better with children and she said “not better, just different”. I also overheard her saying she couldn’t wait until my husband and I had kids so we’d know how hard it is to be a parent. Seems puzzling to me. She and her husband do really well financially and they live in a community they say they love. Idk. Maybe she had kids in hopes it would fill a void and it didn’t turn out that way.
My husband and I keep asking ourselves if we merely want the cuteness of a baby, and the thought of a kid and milestones and memories, or if we want to be parents, to babies and teenagers and young adults and are ready to commit to the challenge. That helps us talk through the decision.
My mom’s answer was completely different. She said having kids, even though it was unplanned at 18, was the best thing to ever happen to her and my dad and they would never change anything. She said being a mom and him being a dad has made their whole lives.
I guess it just depends on the person. But I’ve found it helpful to ask yourself “what about a baby/ parenthood appeals to you? Am I ready and willing to go through all the challenges and turns that I may not expect, good and bad?” It’s a lifelong commitment.
Married and just finished grad school and working. Husband was working and bought us a house. We were sitting on the couch like every other night watching some shows before bed. That was the routine for like 3 weeks before we both thought “there’s gotta be more to this life thing”. It felt boring for a second. Not that we never did anything. It’s hard to describe.
After we bought a house and got settled in good careers, we were fine with whenever it happened. I actually had a dream about our baby girl the night before I realized I was pregnant.
When you are ready to financially and mentally take care of another human for at least 18 years. Too many people never had this minimum and it shows in society today. If you’re not prepared, how can you teach someone else to prepare for life.
My partner and I both knew we wanted kids, and had known for awhile. It was an early conversation when we started dating. At some point we just stopped using protection with a “if it happens, it happens” mindset. It happened at the worst time lol. We had just moved out of state, no jobs lined up just a total leap of faith, car broke down during the move so no car… tiniest 1 bedroom apartment that was supposed to be a starter apartment while we hit our feet on the ground. 2 weeks after moving I got the positive test. If anything it really pushed us to get our shit together a lot faster. Son is 15 months now and we just moved out of the little apartment into a two bedroom
My coworker once told me “if you want for the perfect time to have kids, it’ll never happen. Have kids and you adjust life.”
For me and my husband, we knew we wanted kids and didn’t want me to be very old when I had them, so we started trying when I was 30 and just had our first baby two weeks before I turned 32. You just have to go with when feels right to you
My husband and I knew we wanted to start a family and the timing seemed right (our age, current stability, cousins would be around the same age as our kids).
To be totally honest, I never had that painful aching need to have children and I didn’t grow up longing to be a mother, just knew it was my path. I never had amazing and dreamy expectations and with that motherhood is shattering any expectation I may have had. It is incredible. I knew it would hard but rewarding but never expected it to be this joyful and fun. I never felt incomplete before, but I now know my daughter has completed me.
I was 30. That was the requirement I had, being pregnant by that age. We had just bought a place 2 years ago, and although still had/have debt, we were in an alright position to start a family.
Thankfully we had no trouble conceiving, got pregnant on the second try. We agreed on 2 kids, so hopefully next is no trouble as well.
I’m in the mindset that, if you wait to be fully fully ready, you’ll never be ready. As long as you have a stable job, and are doing ok financially, go for it. When you have kids you’ll adjust your life, and make things work.
Lolol
Any single ladies here lurking wondering how women even meet a man they want to date?
For me, I can see that my fiancé and I will be ready in about 2-3 years and we will plan for that timing. The feeling of readiness really only started recently, when we got engaged and have been in a very stable phase of life. I finally feel like we are in a place where in that time frame, we’ll be married, own a home, and be well established in our careers. The timing will be right then due to both external factors like these and our own maturity. We will both be 33 then, and have been together since 21. We’ve had a lot of time to become strong partners and communicators and to grow as adults before adding kids to the mix. It allows us to parent thoughtfully and intentionally which is what I would want.
We started TTC right after we got married in 2021, because I was/am no spring chicken, essentially. We had originally planned on getting married in June 2020 (ha) and waiting a year to TTC. Being a pandemic couple, we essentially just kind of switched the waiting year, in a sense.
It didn’t work out for us then, and we gave up on trying in late 2022. In early 2024, surprise! You’re pregnant! It was *quite* a shock and adjustment.
I am one of those people that don’t believe the time is ever fully right, and that things – whatever they may be – work themselves out in the end.
We knew we had done the things we wanted and were financially stable enough with a good home to support a child. For me I switched jobs prior to the pregnancy to a lower risk job, and saved for mat leave. Husband took extra shifts and completed some extra qualifications then created a cushion for extras.
We had spoke about pregancy for a long time and my husband even came to appointments about me coming off birth control some months prior to trying.
My husband and I came to this realisation recently, having thought that we’d never want children. We just started feeling like God was calling us to do more with our lives. Through a mixture of praying together, studying scripture, looking at our finances and where we’re currently living (we’re doing OK and live in a very family-friendly area, and have a rock solid marriage) we just began to feel that we’re ready for a child. It all happened very gradually and naturally.
We wanted to be financially stable with decent jobs. We started dating at 21 but spent years underemployed (also traveling and going to school). We both didn’t get decent jobs in our careers until we were both around 28. That’s when we started talking about marriage and kids, which happened a few years later. We had our first kid after we had already been together for 11 years, so really felt like we knew each other really well and were well prepared to add another person to our family.