This is the place to put shower thoughts, your vents/rants about dating, requests for quick advice, serious (and sometimes not) questions and anything else that might not warrant a post of its own.
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Please stick to being in your thirties and dating people!!!
Well this is a throwaway for obvious reasons. I couldn’t post it as a thread so here it is.
I’m falling in love with my friends Ex
I have this old friend from highschool. We will call him John. John had been dating Becky for five years. Becky had done a very big move to be with John but had not liked where they lived or the culture surrounding them there. She got a job in another town which is where I also happen to live. Because I’d known John for so long and had hung out with them a few times I took it upon myself to welcome her to the community and introduce her to some friends to try and get her established in the community. We became friends and all was well for about the last year and a half. I had expected John to start looking for work here and that he would move when he got the chance as well considering she has made a much more major move to get this close to him. He never did and insisted on staying put and I believe Becky’s needs weren’t being met.
It really was never any of my business so I stayed out of it as much as I could besides being a supportive friend to either of them when they were in need. Becky and I share the same hobbies and we get out together to do that maybe once every week or two for the past year. I kept very hard boundaries for myself and absolutely nothing was going on. About two months ago I started to think about her more and thought it might be wise to keep more distance between her and I as I knew that was not okay. However this was also around the same time that it seemed their relationship was really falling apart. Maybe it is because her needs were not being met and she started to lean on me to have those needs met.
She came to me to talk and destress through our shared hobby. Still I kept up my boundaries and tried to give support as a good friend would. My feelings continued to grow for her.
Recently, they broke up and now I feel like the boundaries I had laid for myself are crumbling away and I have been feeling the urge to tell her how I feel. It seems completely unfair to her as she is going through this terrible breakup and all I want to do is confess how much I’ve come t9 care about her. I can’t help but this she and I would be an amazing match. We share the same outlook on life and have the same hobbies and passions. Women like that don’t come around often at all and it hurts that I feel I cannot act on it for various reasons. I’d be the worst friend ever to John and I’d be putting this on her in a hard time. I don’t know what to do and this is making me a bit depressed that seemingly the best match I’ve had for myself in my life possibly is right infront of me but yet so far away.
Does anyone one else have an irrational dislike or ick of people who are terrible texters and are always on their phone? Like I’m okay with being a terrible texter and I can tolerate those who are constantly on their phone, but the combination of the two gives me the ick
I’m going through some personal stuff not related to dating and he has been such a sweetheart. Gosh I just want him in my life forever and always. Things feel so much better with him around.
Is NYC or SF better for dating as a (Black) woman
Im considering relocating for work. And just want to consider how the dating scene might look
I’d like to not get another stranger’s overshare over old for a little while. I got two matches this week and two second messages. One about his surgery and the other about the details of some elder hygiene care he’s helping with.
No no no I am not a part of your support system. I’ve never met you. We’re chatting in a dating context. Boundaries and emotional regulation are sexy. /end rant.
Edit: 2 more matches this morning!
Oh but one is living out of his car and asked to use my shower already. The other is thinking of moving here and would like to come visit me. Dammit.
Candle in the wind energy today.
What do you do when you take a break from dating? I don’t really have hobbies to lean on, nor do I have a friend group. I go to the gym a lot and have a full time job. I’m close with my family thankfully. But usually dating tends to be how I spend free time. I’m just so burnt out from the last few months and think I need a reset.
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I asked this 48 year old man (a friend of an acquaintance) what’s an acceptable age gap is for him and he said 10 years so I asked him if he will ever date a 58 year old woman and he said of course not… He was surprised that I didn’t want to date him nor be his friend.
How many people did you match with last week?
I (33M) am dating a (30F) for about a month now. She has a little kid, younger than 5 with no baby daddy drama, has a stable job, is fun to be around and we mesh well. She is great in alot of aspects but had a pretty hard conversation the other day. She informed me she has genital herpes. Now thankfully we haven’t had sex or anything but things were getting there. She wanted to let me know before anything went further and I know it wasnt an easy conversation for her to bring up. Now l’ve been doing deep dives on it and can’t seem to shake it out of my head. l’ve made it this far in life with out and STD and my biggest worry is if things don’t work out, now I have it. It has really put a damper on how attracted I am to her
I’ve been married in the past and been in the dating
scene for about 5 years now. Im trying not to let FOMO
get ahold of me but she is also one of the only ones I
have meshed with this well. I know ultimately I will do what’s best for me but I’d like to hear anyone else’s perspective or experience in a similar situation.
Not dating related but I put into for another position at my current employer today. It is in my wheel house of stuff I have done before and I had interviewed for a similar job last year at the same place (before I started worked there) and was the 2nd choice but I’m hoping that I at least get to interview for the position.
For a kinda awkward (M33) who hasn’t had much experience dating (for many reasons) but has been told he at least looks relatively handsome…
…HOW exactly does one date?? This is confusing as hell!
My boyfriend (46), who I suspect may be depressed, is refusing to plan anything beyond a week, and it’s starting to mess up summer. I brought up a few things happening next month over the weekend, and he didn’t commit to anything. I asked if money was an issue, because I’d cover some things if so. His response was along the lines of “there were some things I was looking at for next month but I don’t remember when they are.” I got the impression that he wanted to do those things by himself, and asked if that was the case, and also didn’t really get an answer. My birthday is coming up soon as well.
He wasn’t like this before, so I don’t know if it’s depression or losing interest (which he says, repeatedly, is not it). But any time I want to plan more than a week in advance, he’s just not having it. Am I terrible if I finally just insist on it?
Probably going to delete my dating apps in the coming day or week. I’m just at the point where I’m disappointed by the behavior or experiences with the matches I’m encountering. I’ve been stood up by a couple of women. I’ve had women flake on plans at the last minute because other plans presented themselves, be it plans with friends or another match. I’ve had to report a few matches for harassing me. I’ve had first dates share with me TMI sex stories involving previous dates, or send sexually suggestive messages unprovoked, and on the other side of that, I just had a match this morning who I had been messaging for about two weeks now and had a very good video call with last night do a 180 after she got offended by a PG-13 level joke that was so absurd to get offended by.
Add to that, the getting left on read, the ghostings, and allllll of the time I spend investing myself in conversations and meetings (that mostly don’t even happen!) and it’s worn down my outlook on life.
Going to reconnect with a guy I hooked up with from 1 month ago in another country. We have a substantial to-do-list. I thought I’d be quietly at home this weekend so I made a massive bowl of chili which I gotta finish up tomorrow. It will be an epic flatulence fest
One person I’m dating has a yellow flag. They don’t seem curious about who i am as a person. Questions are too surface level like how is my day. Its only been 1 month but i expect deeper level questions by now. They are a self-identified slow burner and have been single for 4 years so i dont know if it’s because of that.
Makes me irritated with all these things recently, I matched with a guy who we talked for days and still hasn’t said a thing about meeting in person also is very inconsistent with replying I’m about thinking of dropping him. And the other day I had a nice match of someone really cute from my high school, totally my type, I didn’t know him back then because we never had a class together but many years ago I came across his social media and recognized him, I sent him a message and no reply 😂 are people like this now, they match then they don’t even talk anymore?