What’s something you used to think was “normal” in relationships, but later realized was actually really toxic?
June 25, 2025
It could be something you grew up seeking, or something you thought was just how things worked because everyone around you tolerated
20 comments
[removed]
I thought the relentless teasing and name calling daily was normal. Basically it was bullying. Being taught that when boys are mean to you, they like you did me a real disservice. I also thought just having the attention was good because the men in my family virtually ignored their spouses so I thought it was a good relationship in comparison.
Where I grew up, people often spoke about marriage as if it were a trap for men. It was also common for men to make flirty or suggestive comments about other women, sometimes even in front of their wives, as if it were normal or acceptable.
In hindsight, nope.
We don’t need therapy that’s for weak and crazy people.
If we need therapy less just end it.
I don’t believe in couples therapy.
And so on
Letting someone else comment/talk about your relationship. Learnt this the hard way when they started lying about it
Wrestling/play fighting
It’s not normal for your partner to angrily snap at you when you ask for reassurance.
Man watching porn and jerking off everyday. Before my current boyfriend, every single one of my exes did this. I have a very high sex drive and it affected us. They wouldn’t want to have sex because they had already taken care of themselves. It affected me really bad and our relationships…I just thought that’s how men were. When I talked to my boyfriend about it and how he didn’t seem to watch it ever and as far as I knew didn’t really take care of himself I asked why and he said because we have sex everyday…why would I need to? I asked a few of my male friends if they were comfortable talking to me about it and they told me they still watched but a shit ton less when in a relationship that they were having regular sex and if they watched it and took care of themselves if she wanted to have sex he would without hesitation.
It absolutely blew my mind.
Domestic duties – including childcare – being solely the women’s responsibility.
I grew up with a single mom who did everything, and I was raised to clean the house while my brother didn’t have the same expectations because he was a boy. When I was 13, I was playing in my moms ex boyfriends daughters hair, and I was absolutely horrible at styling it. My uncle walked in and saw, and told me I need to work on my styling skills because women need to make sure they have presentable children.
My family of origin.
silent treatment
Constantly sharing locations, going through one another’s phones.
[removed]
The silent treatment after a disagreement. It was modeled to me by my parents and then one or two partners so I thought that was a totally normal thing. I started making adjustments to that after a therapist brought it up during my longest relationship. I started communicating my hurt and asking for change and proper apologies. That unfortunately wasn’t reciprocated and I ended the relationship eventually.
I made sure that in my more recent relationship that I communicated and expressed my emotions. I would like to think I did an over all better job this time around and he seemed to express that he appreciated my efforts.
How everything was always 50/50. To the point he had an email chain writing down everything he bought me – like a takeaway food etc, and frequently sent me to see how much i owe him. Weve been together for 7 years…
(I never expected anyone to pay for me for everything but this was so toxic to the point if he surprised me with sg he wrote that down too :D)
I thought being ignored during arguments was normal. Now I know that’s emotional neglect.
I had an on and off boyfriend sneeze in my face or “pretend” he was going to hauk a loogie in my face (which would end up happening sometimes).
[removed]
Being extremely possessive and jealous, and being borderline dependent on eachother to basically breathe, also having to be in contact 24/7!
Sexual coercion within relationships. It’s not normal and it’s not ok. I didn’t know any better because I was so young and inexperienced and conversations about consent weren’t really talked about in depth.
20 comments
[removed]
I thought the relentless teasing and name calling daily was normal. Basically it was bullying. Being taught that when boys are mean to you, they like you did me a real disservice. I also thought just having the attention was good because the men in my family virtually ignored their spouses so I thought it was a good relationship in comparison.
Where I grew up, people often spoke about marriage as if it were a trap for men. It was also common for men to make flirty or suggestive comments about other women, sometimes even in front of their wives, as if it were normal or acceptable.
In hindsight, nope.
We don’t need therapy that’s for weak and crazy people.
If we need therapy less just end it.
I don’t believe in couples therapy.
And so on
Letting someone else comment/talk about your relationship. Learnt this the hard way when they started lying about it
Wrestling/play fighting
It’s not normal for your partner to angrily snap at you when you ask for reassurance.
Man watching porn and jerking off everyday. Before my current boyfriend, every single one of my exes did this. I have a very high sex drive and it affected us. They wouldn’t want to have sex because they had already taken care of themselves. It affected me really bad and our relationships…I just thought that’s how men were. When I talked to my boyfriend about it and how he didn’t seem to watch it ever and as far as I knew didn’t really take care of himself I asked why and he said because we have sex everyday…why would I need to? I asked a few of my male friends if they were comfortable talking to me about it and they told me they still watched but a shit ton less when in a relationship that they were having regular sex and if they watched it and took care of themselves if she wanted to have sex he would without hesitation.
It absolutely blew my mind.
Domestic duties – including childcare – being solely the women’s responsibility.
I grew up with a single mom who did everything, and I was raised to clean the house while my brother didn’t have the same expectations because he was a boy. When I was 13, I was playing in my moms ex boyfriends daughters hair, and I was absolutely horrible at styling it. My uncle walked in and saw, and told me I need to work on my styling skills because women need to make sure they have presentable children.
My family of origin.
silent treatment
Constantly sharing locations, going through one another’s phones.
[removed]
The silent treatment after a disagreement. It was modeled to me by my parents and then one or two partners so I thought that was a totally normal thing. I started making adjustments to that after a therapist brought it up during my longest relationship. I started communicating my hurt and asking for change and proper apologies. That unfortunately wasn’t reciprocated and I ended the relationship eventually.
I made sure that in my more recent relationship that I communicated and expressed my emotions. I would like to think I did an over all better job this time around and he seemed to express that he appreciated my efforts.
How everything was always 50/50. To the point he had an email chain writing down everything he bought me – like a takeaway food etc, and frequently sent me to see how much i owe him. Weve been together for 7 years…
(I never expected anyone to pay for me for everything but this was so toxic to the point if he surprised me with sg he wrote that down too :D)
I thought being ignored during arguments was normal. Now I know that’s emotional neglect.
I had an on and off boyfriend sneeze in my face or “pretend” he was going to hauk a loogie in my face (which would end up happening sometimes).
[removed]
Being extremely possessive and jealous, and being borderline dependent on eachother to basically breathe, also having to be in contact 24/7!
Sexual coercion within relationships. It’s not normal and it’s not ok. I didn’t know any better because I was so young and inexperienced and conversations about consent weren’t really talked about in depth.