When did you realize you were friends with the wrong people? What changes did you make ever since realizing that and how did your life change?
June 15, 2025
19 comments
I removed them from my life. I had friends who were always on high alert emergency state and it got so tiring. Everything was magnified. One friend would cry hysterically when someone she barely knew had died. She even sobbed uncontrollably at the funeral apparently. I kept having friends who had super wealthy parents and they were never taking care of themselves, their parents were always bailing them out. Being autistic doesn’t help me in the friendship department, I can be really bad at judging situations as they are when it’s up close. My life got so much better when I dropped the particularly dramatic friend. First of all I had no money because she never paid for anything and second of all I had more time and energy. I completed two diploma courses and started online university. I found it hard to break it off and really grieved the friendship, I was very fond of her but it was better.
I realized it when I always left hangouts feeling drained instead of happy. Cut contact slowly, focused on hobbies, and built new friendships from shared interests. Life feels way lighter and more real now.
I actually just cut off my best friend of 20 years. It was a toxic friendship, his mom agreed. He is a selfish, lazy, and careless person. Felt like a breakup, still does. I realized when i needed one thing, and he was too busy up his boyfriend’s ass to even text me back for a whole week. Still never texted me back when i sent the “i’m done, have a nice life” text.
When I became an adult, i.e., when I became my best friend for real for real. That’s the marker some of us age out of being a child but don’t complete the process of becoming a discerning, responsible human aka adult.
I treat myself with respect, my inner voices are supportive and I’m attuned with what resonates with my happy. After getting this type of work done, you attract what you want and the rest pass through like a filter.
When they brought up drama all the time, I started cutting them off and enjoying my solitude again. Too old for childish drama.
When they started disrespecting me, and thought I would put up with their shit.
i was in a toxic relationship and had told them i wanted to leave. they supported me to which i am still thankful. called my mom, planned to move back in with my parents. went back to our apartment and had a talk with him. decided to give him a month to change his actions or we were done but i was still moving out. during that, they kept talking poorly about him. in hindsight, i get it but the part that gets me is that i asked them to stop. they could continue when i wasnt around but that i couldnt hear it, i wanted it to work with him. i was 18, i had lost my virginity to him, first person i lived with other than my family and he had bought me a car. three of the five didnt stop. i said that if they couldnt respect boundaries, i was out.
later i forgave one of them and they had said they were all under the influence of the other two. this person had been my best friend in high school so i let them move in to my new apartment so they could see their boyfriend every day unlike with their parents. little things started happening here and there. they were mad i didnt have the ac at the lowest it’d go so we’d save on electricity. saying i’d make noise and keep them up. upset that the place was a mess when i was the only one who’d clean. upset that they couldnt decorate when i told them they were free to decorate however they wished as long as it was renter friendly. i finally mentioned that maybe we arent fit roommates and i might move once our lease was up (in 3 months) one day they packed up all their stuff and the only reason i found out that they had moved out was cause they came back to grab their condiments. they said theyd still pay their part of rent for the month. i went on a trip and asked if they were going to pay rent like they said and they said no, that they would have if my cats litter hadnt poisoned their dog. i was confused, hurt and didnt understand why nothing had been said to me about anything. i decided then and there to reflect on our entire friendship and realize that i didnt need friends like them.
the two that hadnt said anything and i rekindled after one of them had broken up with one of the main two. we’re still besties to this day.
all of that had really taught me to look at how people treat me. if people respect me and my boundaries. do they nitpick what i do or just enjoy me as me. taught me how to respect myself and know when enough is enough. i’m definitely a lot more reserved about making friends now but i have made so many GOOD friends that care about me and take me as i am, flaws and all. in fact most actually like my quirks and its the best feeling
i was sexually assaulted at a party my friends took me to. at first they were very concerned, because i was kinda in shock about the whole thing. then they found out that the guy who did it is a distant relative of one of my friends, and a family friend of another. he was also rich, and friends with the right people. when he came across me the next time, i slapped him. and all my friends were against me. “violence is not the answer” and “we don’t know what happened between you and him, we weren’t there” and even “maybe its a misunderstanding, maybe he thought you consented”. cut them off after that
When he asked me almost monthly if they could lend me some money, while he earned more money than me. Turned out he was addicted to drugs and didn’t want to seek help. I said goodbye and my life has been much more peaceful. I hope he’s doing better now, though.
I realized it when my “best friend” slept with my husband (now ex) and my other “friends” didn’t tell me. I got divorced, got sober, cut them all out of my life, moved 2 counties away, got my own home and I’m happier now than I ever imagined I could be. I didn’t even know what happiness was back then. I do now. 6-7 years ago my ex-husband overdosed and died. Getting out was the best decision I ever made.
I read a book that asked me if my friends were supportive, kind, encouraging, etc. would they be happy if I changed, if I was successful etc.
I realized the answer was no.
But I was too afraid to do anything about it.
Eventually they kicked me out of the group over something stupid. It was horrible but ended up being the best thing that could have happened.
15 years later they’re now doing the same thing with one of the girls I’m still friends with from that group.
Around the time I started attending law school. I found myself surrounded by people with goals and similar thinking as mine that also enjoyed having a good time. Almost all of my friends at home were not doing anything to stop struggling and having a good time was the focus.
Years later they are still like this – but they are happy. I am so happy for them! I just never knew my version of happiness (that relied on personal goal setting and achievement) created a fundamental difference that after so long would send us off in different directions.
I have quit visiting my small hometown and just communicate through yearly HBD texts.
When I left a hangout feeling drained instead of happy—that’s when it clicked. I realized I was always the listener, the planner, the one holding it all together. Since then, I’ve stopped chasing one-sided friendships and started setting boundaries. Life got quieter, but also so much more peaceful…
Someone who pretends I don’t exist among her circles. But when she has no other friends around, it’s like I’m her bestie.
When I was 19, I was still hanging with my high school friends. We lived in So. CA by Disneyland. They were all White and total metalheads. We loooved Metallica! Then the guys turned into gangsters and started a fight with a real gang. The gang came and popped out their windshield on their car which was scary. They were always hanging out in their garage and doing drugs. I was hanging out in the garage one night and just got up and left and went home. I never went back to see them. I went to Jr. college and got a job. Then went on to get a BA degree and a good job. Per their Facebook pages, one couple got married and moved to NC. They stated that they were going on a certain January 6th a few years ago to storm the Capital building. I haven’t checked their FB pages since.
When I had to move not even out of the city but on the opposite side and they couldn’t come to my home even tho I was the only one in the group that didn’t have a car. At the same time my mom fell at home and hit her head, I still have the trauma of seeing her cover on blood. And when I told them I couldn’t go party in the nights because my mom needed somebody in case she needed assistance in the night they didn’t come either. The last effort I did is telling them that maybe I couldn’t go for parties anymore but we could meet for some coffee in the afternoon some weekends, they never replay. I just stopped talking to them and I unfollowed them all.
One marker for me has been they don’t seem to respect me in some way the way I give it to them. One ex-friend would also incite drama in my life and seemed to get entertainment from it, but when she was going thru stuff I would want to comfort and support her. I don’t want anybody in my life that’s amused by my stress or tragedy. It’s very dehumanizing and certainly not a good friendship.
When they went from being aghast at what had been going on in Ukraine to laughing at Zelensky because Trump made fun of him.
There’s more, but that was a strong start.
When their side of my half-brother’s family decided to rewrite history at his funeral and preten my side of his family, as well as all the significant moments of his life with us, never happened.
19 comments
I removed them from my life. I had friends who were always on high alert emergency state and it got so tiring. Everything was magnified. One friend would cry hysterically when someone she barely knew had died. She even sobbed uncontrollably at the funeral apparently. I kept having friends who had super wealthy parents and they were never taking care of themselves, their parents were always bailing them out. Being autistic doesn’t help me in the friendship department, I can be really bad at judging situations as they are when it’s up close. My life got so much better when I dropped the particularly dramatic friend. First of all I had no money because she never paid for anything and second of all I had more time and energy. I completed two diploma courses and started online university. I found it hard to break it off and really grieved the friendship, I was very fond of her but it was better.
I realized it when I always left hangouts feeling drained instead of happy. Cut contact slowly, focused on hobbies, and built new friendships from shared interests. Life feels way lighter and more real now.
I actually just cut off my best friend of 20 years. It was a toxic friendship, his mom agreed. He is a selfish, lazy, and careless person. Felt like a breakup, still does. I realized when i needed one thing, and he was too busy up his boyfriend’s ass to even text me back for a whole week. Still never texted me back when i sent the “i’m done, have a nice life” text.
When I became an adult, i.e., when I became my best friend for real for real. That’s the marker some of us age out of being a child but don’t complete the process of becoming a discerning, responsible human aka adult.
I treat myself with respect, my inner voices are supportive and I’m attuned with what resonates with my happy. After getting this type of work done, you attract what you want and the rest pass through like a filter.
When they brought up drama all the time, I started cutting them off and enjoying my solitude again. Too old for childish drama.
When they started disrespecting me, and thought I would put up with their shit.
i was in a toxic relationship and had told them i wanted to leave. they supported me to which i am still thankful. called my mom, planned to move back in with my parents. went back to our apartment and had a talk with him. decided to give him a month to change his actions or we were done but i was still moving out. during that, they kept talking poorly about him. in hindsight, i get it but the part that gets me is that i asked them to stop. they could continue when i wasnt around but that i couldnt hear it, i wanted it to work with him. i was 18, i had lost my virginity to him, first person i lived with other than my family and he had bought me a car. three of the five didnt stop. i said that if they couldnt respect boundaries, i was out.
later i forgave one of them and they had said they were all under the influence of the other two. this person had been my best friend in high school so i let them move in to my new apartment so they could see their boyfriend every day unlike with their parents. little things started happening here and there. they were mad i didnt have the ac at the lowest it’d go so we’d save on electricity. saying i’d make noise and keep them up. upset that the place was a mess when i was the only one who’d clean. upset that they couldnt decorate when i told them they were free to decorate however they wished as long as it was renter friendly. i finally mentioned that maybe we arent fit roommates and i might move once our lease was up (in 3 months) one day they packed up all their stuff and the only reason i found out that they had moved out was cause they came back to grab their condiments. they said theyd still pay their part of rent for the month. i went on a trip and asked if they were going to pay rent like they said and they said no, that they would have if my cats litter hadnt poisoned their dog. i was confused, hurt and didnt understand why nothing had been said to me about anything. i decided then and there to reflect on our entire friendship and realize that i didnt need friends like them.
the two that hadnt said anything and i rekindled after one of them had broken up with one of the main two. we’re still besties to this day.
all of that had really taught me to look at how people treat me. if people respect me and my boundaries. do they nitpick what i do or just enjoy me as me. taught me how to respect myself and know when enough is enough. i’m definitely a lot more reserved about making friends now but i have made so many GOOD friends that care about me and take me as i am, flaws and all. in fact most actually like my quirks and its the best feeling
i was sexually assaulted at a party my friends took me to. at first they were very concerned, because i was kinda in shock about the whole thing. then they found out that the guy who did it is a distant relative of one of my friends, and a family friend of another. he was also rich, and friends with the right people. when he came across me the next time, i slapped him. and all my friends were against me. “violence is not the answer” and “we don’t know what happened between you and him, we weren’t there” and even “maybe its a misunderstanding, maybe he thought you consented”. cut them off after that
When he asked me almost monthly if they could lend me some money, while he earned more money than me. Turned out he was addicted to drugs and didn’t want to seek help. I said goodbye and my life has been much more peaceful. I hope he’s doing better now, though.
I realized it when my “best friend” slept with my husband (now ex) and my other “friends” didn’t tell me. I got divorced, got sober, cut them all out of my life, moved 2 counties away, got my own home and I’m happier now than I ever imagined I could be. I didn’t even know what happiness was back then. I do now. 6-7 years ago my ex-husband overdosed and died. Getting out was the best decision I ever made.
I read a book that asked me if my friends were supportive, kind, encouraging, etc. would they be happy if I changed, if I was successful etc.
I realized the answer was no.
But I was too afraid to do anything about it.
Eventually they kicked me out of the group over something stupid. It was horrible but ended up being the best thing that could have happened.
15 years later they’re now doing the same thing with one of the girls I’m still friends with from that group.
Around the time I started attending law school. I found myself surrounded by people with goals and similar thinking as mine that also enjoyed having a good time. Almost all of my friends at home were not doing anything to stop struggling and having a good time was the focus.
Years later they are still like this – but they are happy. I am so happy for them! I just never knew my version of happiness (that relied on personal goal setting and achievement) created a fundamental difference that after so long would send us off in different directions.
I have quit visiting my small hometown and just communicate through yearly HBD texts.
When I left a hangout feeling drained instead of happy—that’s when it clicked. I realized I was always the listener, the planner, the one holding it all together. Since then, I’ve stopped chasing one-sided friendships and started setting boundaries. Life got quieter, but also so much more peaceful…
Someone who pretends I don’t exist among her circles. But when she has no other friends around, it’s like I’m her bestie.
When I was 19, I was still hanging with my high school friends. We lived in So. CA by Disneyland. They were all White and total metalheads. We loooved Metallica! Then the guys turned into gangsters and started a fight with a real gang. The gang came and popped out their windshield on their car which was scary. They were always hanging out in their garage and doing drugs. I was hanging out in the garage one night and just got up and left and went home. I never went back to see them. I went to Jr. college and got a job. Then went on to get a BA degree and a good job. Per their Facebook pages, one couple got married and moved to NC. They stated that they were going on a certain January 6th a few years ago to storm the Capital building. I haven’t checked their FB pages since.
When I had to move not even out of the city but on the opposite side and they couldn’t come to my home even tho I was the only one in the group that didn’t have a car. At the same time my mom fell at home and hit her head, I still have the trauma of seeing her cover on blood. And when I told them I couldn’t go party in the nights because my mom needed somebody in case she needed assistance in the night they didn’t come either. The last effort I did is telling them that maybe I couldn’t go for parties anymore but we could meet for some coffee in the afternoon some weekends, they never replay. I just stopped talking to them and I unfollowed them all.
One marker for me has been they don’t seem to respect me in some way the way I give it to them. One ex-friend would also incite drama in my life and seemed to get entertainment from it, but when she was going thru stuff I would want to comfort and support her. I don’t want anybody in my life that’s amused by my stress or tragedy. It’s very dehumanizing and certainly not a good friendship.
When they went from being aghast at what had been going on in Ukraine to laughing at Zelensky because Trump made fun of him.
There’s more, but that was a strong start.
When their side of my half-brother’s family decided to rewrite history at his funeral and preten my side of his family, as well as all the significant moments of his life with us, never happened.