women who have turned down proposals, how did you do it?
June 12, 2025
how do you politely say no to a proposal. and what if it’s in public?!?
25 comments
It was not in public. Just two of us and I just explained we’re too young and I’m not ready to commit to marriage. Five years later I committed to the same man. Twenty years later we’re still married.
To me marriage is a massive commitment and done only once. When I was ready I’ve never looked back or reconsidered. If it was tough we were working on it we liked it or not. I was changing part of my identity (name) I had to be sure.
[removed]
I did it in the worst way. I said, “that will never happen”. To be fair, we were not in love, he was my boss and he told me he had a list of things he looked for in a woman and I checked off the boxes.
I broke up with my ex on the day we were supposed to go ring shopping. He tearfully told me how he had inherited enough money from his great aunt to buy the ring of my dreams and I told him it didn’t matter, that our relationship wasn’t meant to be.
Not an actual proposal but the closest I got to marriage before I met my now-husband
It was not in public and it was not done politely. There was a lot that happened between us and mostly not good. I may have laughed and told him that he’s lost his mind and maybe he should ask one of his side pieces (he didn’t know I knew that). I knew he was never going to be the person I married. He was toxic and he turned me into the worst version of myself and I was finally starting to see it. He just didn’t realize the same thing.
I just told him no. It would compromise my quality of life.
Had one in public but it wasn’t a grand gesture. We were eating out and he quietly asked. I told him I wasn’t ready (we had been having problems beforehand). The problems got worse and we finally broke up. Funny (not) that he’s been living with someone else for longer than he and I were together for and they aren’t married
I was proposed to three times before I met the man i eventually married. In those days, a proposal was considered to be a private moment between two people, not a public performance. In each case, I told them that, while I cared for them, and was honored that they cared enough for me to want to marry me, I did not think we had the foundation for a compatible and happy marriage. In all three cases, they were not surprised that I said “no”. They were just hopeful that ,if i saw how serious they were, I might be more willing to compromise on what I wanted for my future.
The guy I was dating just kind of assumed we’d be getting married and I’d follow him to his next job. To be fair, I was kind of up in the air, but planning to go to grad school, I just hadn’t shared that with him. When he asked me when, not if, I wanted to get married, I kind of flippantly said, I’m not marrying you. He was shocked. We were not on the same page at all!
I’m a phone sex operator. One dude mistook my kindness for real affection and left his girlfriend “for me” and proposed to me. He was also on a lot of meth. I told him no, that this was all fantasy and then blocked him from my line.
[removed]
Technically it wasn’t a proposal, he was proposing a proposal to gauge my reaction if he actually went through with getting the ring and I said I’d rather he and I travel together instead of putting all of our money into a wedding. He was fine with that. Then a few months later I had a change of heart and we got married a year later.
Not really a proposal but my ex kind of hinted that we should maybe get married. I shut it down by saying there was no need – I knew at that point that he would be an ex as soon as I worked up the courage to go through with it.
I didn’t. I’m an absolute people pleaser and just said yes to the guys who asked.
Even on my wedding day, that sinking feeling of regret didn’t avert that crisis.
Thankfully, I’ve had therapy now and realised I’m happiest single.
Had one where he was drunk as fuck. He was abusive, so I knew i didn’t want that. I just said we’re too young, he claimed he’d kill himself if I said no. So i let’s talk in the morning hoping he would be too drunk to remember. He never mentioned it so I assume he did.
Next one said we could get back together and get married, then handed me a ring. Said I wasn’t getting back together. Honestly was hard not to laugh.
It wasn’t pleasant. I walked him further down the beach and told him all the reasons why the proposal failed. They were things we agreed upon or so I thought.
– we wanted and agreed on a private moment, but he invited everybody
– we wanted something very quiet, but he had a whole band playing and photographers
– I wanted a simple lowkey necklace, maybe something simple with moonstone, mother of pearl, or opal which he seemed excited about. But he gave me a very expensive amber chunky ring with a dead bug in it. Only our entomology friend liked the ring, everyone else was very confused or grossed out.
Then I asked him to try again. He took it well until he saw our friends. Then he sobbed loudly and complained to everybody how I rejected him.
We were engaged for like 8 years, he never tried again btw
[removed]
We were at IHOP. I told him to shut up and eat his pancakes. A couple months later he’s banging my mom.
I had a really REALLY weird case.
When I was online dating, I matched with one particular guy who seemed interesting in chat. I agreed to meet him in person at a coffee shop that I visit frequently (so the staff knew me in case there were safety issues.)
When I got there, I started looking around for him. But he wasn’t there. In his place, I was approached by his mother and his aunt, who brought a ring sizer and a bridal magazine.
I walked out. And blocked him on the dating site.
I never let it get that far.
Not a true proposal, but while he was telling me how he finally got his dream job he basically said that meant it was time for me to quit my job and marry him and have his babies. Even though I told him point blank from the very start that I was childfree and didn’t see the point if marriage. I told him that was an immediate dealbreaker and broke up with him. And I told him that it felt like he was lying for the entirety of our relationship if he could agree with me when I talked about being childfree and marriage free and then turn around and pull this. It felt like he was never really dating me, but this idea of a girlfriend that he just slotted me into.
I said “I don’t think that’s going to happen”. I wasn’t dating this guy, it was an older coworker (at least 15 year age difference) that I’ve known for years. He just walked into my office and popped the question when he found out I was newly single.
I was shocked how sincere he was. It was a strangely brave move but I can’t imagine he ever really expected me to accept
My ex gave me a ring that he picked up from his mom’s house as she was going through her jewelry and getting rid of some stuff. The ring itself was the same engagement ring she had received from my ex’s dad when they first got married, but then they divorced years later because he cheated on her with his secretary (whom he then married).
So the ring itself was already haunted with a terrible origin story, and it was also missing several stones and way too big for my finger. My ex gave it to me and said he wanted to “fix it up” for me. We had only been together for about 6 months and I had to tell him I didn’t want to get married to him, and also the ring was not one I’d ever wear. It wasn’t a public conversation but it was still one I didn’t want to be a part of.
I turned down two from Serbian friends who wanted their green card, lol. “I’m flattered but no, thank you.”
Proof that even if you’re super hot, a sweet guy, and offer me $15k, love is more important.
I smiled, held his hand, and said no. It was high school, he was a year above me, and we were on a school group spring break. I explained that we’re way too young to even consider it. He pressed and tried to give me the ring as a promise ring, and I still shook my head and told him to get a refund for the ring and use it towards food (how family wasn’t doing well.
The second one I struggled with. He did it privately in a hotel room and I didn’t feel anything. I realized right there that I cared about him but wasn’t in love. He tried for two weeks and I politely told him I wasn’t ready, but he didn’t seem to want that. (Now I know he was afraid of me leaving him so was trying to tie me down.)
Third person was nice but I simply reminded him I wasn’t interested in marriage. We dated for another year before we split.
25 comments
It was not in public. Just two of us and I just explained we’re too young and I’m not ready to commit to marriage. Five years later I committed to the same man. Twenty years later we’re still married.
To me marriage is a massive commitment and done only once. When I was ready I’ve never looked back or reconsidered. If it was tough we were working on it we liked it or not. I was changing part of my identity (name) I had to be sure.
[removed]
I did it in the worst way. I said, “that will never happen”. To be fair, we were not in love, he was my boss and he told me he had a list of things he looked for in a woman and I checked off the boxes.
I broke up with my ex on the day we were supposed to go ring shopping. He tearfully told me how he had inherited enough money from his great aunt to buy the ring of my dreams and I told him it didn’t matter, that our relationship wasn’t meant to be.
Not an actual proposal but the closest I got to marriage before I met my now-husband
It was not in public and it was not done politely. There was a lot that happened between us and mostly not good. I may have laughed and told him that he’s lost his mind and maybe he should ask one of his side pieces (he didn’t know I knew that). I knew he was never going to be the person I married. He was toxic and he turned me into the worst version of myself and I was finally starting to see it. He just didn’t realize the same thing.
I just told him no. It would compromise my quality of life.
Had one in public but it wasn’t a grand gesture. We were eating out and he quietly asked. I told him I wasn’t ready (we had been having problems beforehand). The problems got worse and we finally broke up. Funny (not) that he’s been living with someone else for longer than he and I were together for and they aren’t married
I was proposed to three times before I met the man i eventually married. In those days, a proposal was considered to be a private moment between two people, not a public performance. In each case, I told them that, while I cared for them, and was honored that they cared enough for me to want to marry me, I did not think we had the foundation for a compatible and happy marriage. In all three cases, they were not surprised that I said “no”. They were just hopeful that ,if i saw how serious they were, I might be more willing to compromise on what I wanted for my future.
The guy I was dating just kind of assumed we’d be getting married and I’d follow him to his next job. To be fair, I was kind of up in the air, but planning to go to grad school, I just hadn’t shared that with him. When he asked me when, not if, I wanted to get married, I kind of flippantly said, I’m not marrying you. He was shocked. We were not on the same page at all!
I’m a phone sex operator. One dude mistook my kindness for real affection and left his girlfriend “for me” and proposed to me. He was also on a lot of meth. I told him no, that this was all fantasy and then blocked him from my line.
[removed]
Technically it wasn’t a proposal, he was proposing a proposal to gauge my reaction if he actually went through with getting the ring and I said I’d rather he and I travel together instead of putting all of our money into a wedding. He was fine with that. Then a few months later I had a change of heart and we got married a year later.
Not really a proposal but my ex kind of hinted that we should maybe get married. I shut it down by saying there was no need – I knew at that point that he would be an ex as soon as I worked up the courage to go through with it.
I didn’t. I’m an absolute people pleaser and just said yes to the guys who asked.
Even on my wedding day, that sinking feeling of regret didn’t avert that crisis.
Thankfully, I’ve had therapy now and realised I’m happiest single.
Had one where he was drunk as fuck. He was abusive, so I knew i didn’t want that. I just said we’re too young, he claimed he’d kill himself if I said no. So i let’s talk in the morning hoping he would be too drunk to remember. He never mentioned it so I assume he did.
Next one said we could get back together and get married, then handed me a ring. Said I wasn’t getting back together. Honestly was hard not to laugh.
It wasn’t pleasant. I walked him further down the beach and told him all the reasons why the proposal failed. They were things we agreed upon or so I thought.
– we wanted and agreed on a private moment, but he invited everybody
– we wanted something very quiet, but he had a whole band playing and photographers
– I wanted a simple lowkey necklace, maybe something simple with moonstone, mother of pearl, or opal which he seemed excited about. But he gave me a very expensive amber chunky ring with a dead bug in it. Only our entomology friend liked the ring, everyone else was very confused or grossed out.
Then I asked him to try again. He took it well until he saw our friends. Then he sobbed loudly and complained to everybody how I rejected him.
We were engaged for like 8 years, he never tried again btw
[removed]
We were at IHOP. I told him to shut up and eat his pancakes. A couple months later he’s banging my mom.
I had a really REALLY weird case.
When I was online dating, I matched with one particular guy who seemed interesting in chat. I agreed to meet him in person at a coffee shop that I visit frequently (so the staff knew me in case there were safety issues.)
When I got there, I started looking around for him. But he wasn’t there. In his place, I was approached by his mother and his aunt, who brought a ring sizer and a bridal magazine.
I walked out. And blocked him on the dating site.
I never let it get that far.
Not a true proposal, but while he was telling me how he finally got his dream job he basically said that meant it was time for me to quit my job and marry him and have his babies. Even though I told him point blank from the very start that I was childfree and didn’t see the point if marriage. I told him that was an immediate dealbreaker and broke up with him. And I told him that it felt like he was lying for the entirety of our relationship if he could agree with me when I talked about being childfree and marriage free and then turn around and pull this. It felt like he was never really dating me, but this idea of a girlfriend that he just slotted me into.
I said “I don’t think that’s going to happen”. I wasn’t dating this guy, it was an older coworker (at least 15 year age difference) that I’ve known for years. He just walked into my office and popped the question when he found out I was newly single.
I was shocked how sincere he was. It was a strangely brave move but I can’t imagine he ever really expected me to accept
My ex gave me a ring that he picked up from his mom’s house as she was going through her jewelry and getting rid of some stuff. The ring itself was the same engagement ring she had received from my ex’s dad when they first got married, but then they divorced years later because he cheated on her with his secretary (whom he then married).
So the ring itself was already haunted with a terrible origin story, and it was also missing several stones and way too big for my finger. My ex gave it to me and said he wanted to “fix it up” for me. We had only been together for about 6 months and I had to tell him I didn’t want to get married to him, and also the ring was not one I’d ever wear. It wasn’t a public conversation but it was still one I didn’t want to be a part of.
I turned down two from Serbian friends who wanted their green card, lol. “I’m flattered but no, thank you.”
Proof that even if you’re super hot, a sweet guy, and offer me $15k, love is more important.
I smiled, held his hand, and said no. It was high school, he was a year above me, and we were on a school group spring break. I explained that we’re way too young to even consider it. He pressed and tried to give me the ring as a promise ring, and I still shook my head and told him to get a refund for the ring and use it towards food (how family wasn’t doing well.
The second one I struggled with. He did it privately in a hotel room and I didn’t feel anything. I realized right there that I cared about him but wasn’t in love. He tried for two weeks and I politely told him I wasn’t ready, but he didn’t seem to want that. (Now I know he was afraid of me leaving him so was trying to tie me down.)
Third person was nice but I simply reminded him I wasn’t interested in marriage. We dated for another year before we split.