What were the words that impacted your life the most? And who told them to you?
June 11, 2025
What were the words that impacted your life the most? And who told them to you?
37 comments
“You know if you’re overweight if your belly hangs over your pants, then you need to exercise more and eat less.” *eyes my belly*
Dad to me, age 8
“You are not bright enough to understand the concepts of earth science.”
My ninth grade earth science teacher.
My dad after I left a very toxic relationship and moved in with him: “I’m your last shot. If you don’t succeed here, you’ll never be anything”
I knew in that moment I had to get out. I moved out a few days later, moved into my grandparents house 5 hours away and my god, did I succeed. I lost nearly 100 lbs, got a bachelors degree in biochem, met and married the most incredible man who respects and loves me more than I could ever have hoped, I’ve traveled the world, I have a very successful career, I have a happy and peaceful home and **NONE** of that is because of him. I built a life of success out of spite.
You can’t change people – my grandma.
“You’re so replaceable. You’re nothing but a p*ssy and a mouth.” Currently with a man that loves me so much and sometimes those words still ring in the back of my mind. I don’t think they’ll ever go away but they’re easier to forget now
I don’t know if these are the words that have the most but it’s a great story and a weird example and I rarely get to tell it.
I was in my late twenties and super casually sleeping with a man much older. It was all on the up and up and actually very healthy. Good communication and expectations and lots of fun. We did this off and on for a couple of years.
Maybe about 6 months in we are laying there afterwards and he says he has to confess something which obviously makes me panic. He confesses he doesn’t remember my name. I laugh because there was a real possibility I gave him my fake name (there’s background that he knew so he also laughed about this. I’m leaving out a huge part of the story to save time. Trust me. The fake name wasn’t weird lol) but I also tell him I don’t know his. He’s in my phone as a very stupid nickname. He gets a little weirded out especially because I’m laughing about the nickname. In my mind, I’m laughing about it because it’s a silly inside joke with a friend that, if anything, is embarrassing for me. But he doesn’t know this and asks what the nickname is. I realize I presented this in a horrible way and he took it the wrong way because of this so I go to explain but he immediately stops me. Within a split second I saw his face completely change and he apologized and said that he trusted me and obviously I wouldn’t make fun of him or be cruel so he didn’t care about the nickname.
I think about this once a week. If I trust someone then I should trust their intentions even if they aren’t clear. I shouldn’t assume someone has bad intentions if I know they respect me. Sometimes people I’m cool with say or do something that seems suspect to me but I stop and ask myself if I’m assuming the worst about someone who has never given me a real reason to.
“Pull the wagon” – my dad. Idk what it means exactly but basically don’t half ass work, responsibilities, or self care. because it will come back to bite you in the butt.
“You’ll never be a great mother” My ex, I will admit we shared a few hurtful things out of anger but that one stuck.
I don’t know about the most, but there are things I’ve been told that have affected me deeply and will never forget. Few good ones, but mostly bad ones.
For example, my grandma and aunts would regularly tell me “Stop biting your fingernails. It’s disgusting and no man is gonna want to ever hold your hand with your frog fingers” Anytime a man holds my hand for the first time, or plays with my hand or fingers, I get anxious that they’ll yank their hand away from mine in disgust. I keep myself from biting them by having my nails always done with dip powder so my fingernails are long (almond shape and size so nothing crazy) and my fingertips no longer have that round shape that they get when people bite them.
I know what they said wasn’t true, and I can calm myself down when I get tense because a guy started holding my hand, but it sucks that I can’t seem to forget them.
Another example is from The Art of Not Giving a Fuck. I can’t quite recall the exact words, but the gist was “if you were to die right now, how would you feel about the fact that you spent so much of your time and energy being angry or upset about something work related?” This helped me a lot with how to deal with work stress because it was literally making me sick. So now whenever something or someone is pissing me off, I reminded myself of it, and try to let go of those feelings of anger and frustration.
“Be confident in yourself, trust your instincts, and don’t let anyone intimidate you” – My Mom
When you do the right thing for yourself, it is inherently the right thing for everyone else.
-bestie
Prior to quitting a previous job I had a discussion with a trusted coworker and he told me “They will never pay you what you’re worth. You’re worth your weight in gold [paused for a second]. Actually you’re worth a lot more than that. You’re pretty tiny”.
He also told me that I shouldn’t stay in a job because I think it’s what someone else (my family) wants me to do. They would want me to be happy and pursue an opportunity that will let me reach my full potential.
During that conversation he gave me the motivation and reassurance I needed to quit that job. Me quitting wasn’t in his best interest but he knew it was in mine and it by far is one of the best decisions I made to further my career in a heavily male dominated industry.
you deserve to be happy.
ive had this told to me two separate times from two separate people and both times it has hit different. i cried at both though… men that care for me i take to heart immensely.
Don’t sell yourself short.
“Pay yourself first.” – my Dad. Put money away for yourself first, for rainy days for retirement, for whatever. Then go after the wants and needs.
My dad is an alcoholic, and that’s what caused the divorce between him and my mom. But hearing the words “it’s not you” from him and my mom when I was in middle and high school probably kept my mental health from getting worse than it was during their divorce.
Unfortunately a lot of kids think it’s their fault their parents divorce or that their parent has an addiction, but both my parents really beat into me and my brother’s heads that “it wasn’t us” that were causing things.
The first day of class, my college journalism teacher told us the majority of us will never make it in journalism or go on to succeed in the field and definitely never write a book. He wasn’t even trying to push us to do well, just being an ass since he hated his job. Regardless, it still lit a fire under my ass to not be part of his dumb statistic.
Fourteen years later and I’m living proof he was wrong. (Still working on that book though).
My mom told me I was lazy in 9th grade and bet that if I applied myself I’d probably be a straight A student. That whipped me into shape and I’ve spent 25 years trying to prove to myself that I’m not lazy
You don’t have to earn rest. My mom said it once and it never left me
“You’re not trying hard enough” – 1st grade art teacher who couldn’t elaborate what I was doing wrong to be so much worse at drawing than the other kids, so I never drew again.
“Selfish bitch” – my mom who didn’t like the candy I bought her as a surprise, so I stopped buying or accepting gifts from anyone
“You’re too fucking retarded to ever live on your own, I’ll have to send you to a group home” – my dad every time I asked for help doing something, so I stopped asking for help with anything and started failing a lot in school
My mom said i was worth less than a pile of dirt once
My grandma would tell me everything she saw me doing wrong in life, and pointed it out in straight-shooter fashion. Then, she would tell me all the good qualities about myself that she loved. She always ended with “you’re a very good person.”
I appreciated that, and nobody has ever spoken to me that way ever since. She was right, and I miss her terribly.
A positive one: “Your evaluation, coupled with what you’ve talked with me about, suggests that you have Schizoid Personality Disorder.” I didn’t know what that was when the therapist I saw told me that in college, but after reading up on it, I found it really explained a lot about me.
A negative one (TW: CSA): >!”I’m not hurting you, silly goose. Stop crying.” The girl who babysat me and abused me when I was a child. She said a lot to me, but that will always be stuck in mind. I don’t really hate anyone in this world, except for her. For what she did to me. It really messed me up, and I seldom cry now, since doing so makes feel too much like I did back then. !<
You don’t have to love your family. That’s why you have friends. – my mom to me when I was five. (After my cartoonishly cruel aunt said something nasty to me and I asked my mom if I had to love my relatives.)
“I like your hair.”
Im black with curly hair and I always hated it, but then a boy I had a crush on in middle school ‘boinged’ my curl behind me and said that. Changed my whole perspective on my curls. Thanks Jacob ❤️
My great grandmother once told me that I couldn’t mow the lawn bc my brother could do it better bc he was a man and it was a mans job to take care of the lawn/yard/house/whatever, and that a woman’s job was to be in the kitchen and home cooking and cleaning. That was the moment that I decided I would never be a housewife or a servant for some man. It’s also lead to having the attitude that a person can’t do something better than me just bc they are a man, and that I can do things for myself and that I don’t need a man to do them. It’s led to me being very independent and not relying on anyone for anything. But, I also feel that it’s possible that I’ve lost out on some relationships of whatever type because of my inability to be soft and willing to entertain a traditional role in a relationship. Who knows. 🤷🏼♀️
“There’s a lot of names I could call you”
My dad after I worked up the courage to confront him about going to rehab for being an addict almost my entire childhood.
Be good to each other.
My mom. Applies universally.
“You don’t have to do everything alone.” My husband said that to me during one of my lowest points and it hit hard. I’ve always been the strong one, the overachiever, the fixer. Hearing that reminded me that leaning on someone doesn’t make me weak. It makes me human.
“Watch your word count at work. We all like you, when you don’t talk”
I should never have given birth to you. You are a mistake – my mom told me that repeatedly, on different occasions
It wasn’t said to me specifically; I heard it in an interview/talk show appearance of Craig Ferguson’s. I don’t think he coined it, but it’s where I heard it.
“Before you speak, ask yourself these 3 questions:
Does this need to be said?
Does this need to be said by me?
Does this need to be said by me right now?”
“Do the hard thing.” When in doubt, the best course of action is almost always the hardest one. From my utterly badass grandmother. Her voice in my head telling me to do the hard thing has gotten me through so many scary and heartbreaking situations. The path of least resistance is rarely the one I’ll be happy with looking back.
After talking about an abusive ex, and how many people didn’t see our breakup coming, nor knew how badly my ex treated me, My mom told me “Anyone you keep around you instantly becomes a more beautiful person.”
In this context it didn’t just mean looks, it meant they were also perceived as being a better person too. I took this seriously as it made me realize that the space I hold in this world matters more than I thought, and that I had to make sure that the people I was amplifying held good beliefs too.
When I come to my Mom with a problem, no solution, and slim chances of making a decision she tells me “something will happen “
Basically indecision is also a decision. She is magic.
When I was a young girl, my mother told me that I did not deserve any friends. That I made her miserable and she wanted to just go away so she no longer had to be around me.
I went through a really hard time in middle school and was suicidal. I’d spend all day at school watching the clock until I could go home and do it just about everyday that year. Years later I told my mom and she said it wasn’t true, she’d have known.
She also refused to let me talk about the most traumatic day of my life – the day she almost died in front of me. I understand it’s traumatic for her too but she could have gotten me therapy or someone else to listen. A few weekends ago she made a joke about therapy hours being 50 min but she wouldn’t know bc she’s never been and then she made this laugh afterwards that came across very judgmental of those who have. It really made me feel awkward bc as an adult I finally got myself the therapy I needed.
I was an anxious mess for a lot of years when I didn’t need to be and the person who could have helped me invalidated my feelings. Really stuck w me and made it hard to trust people and let them in.
37 comments
“You know if you’re overweight if your belly hangs over your pants, then you need to exercise more and eat less.” *eyes my belly*
Dad to me, age 8
“You are not bright enough to understand the concepts of earth science.”
My ninth grade earth science teacher.
My dad after I left a very toxic relationship and moved in with him: “I’m your last shot. If you don’t succeed here, you’ll never be anything”
I knew in that moment I had to get out. I moved out a few days later, moved into my grandparents house 5 hours away and my god, did I succeed. I lost nearly 100 lbs, got a bachelors degree in biochem, met and married the most incredible man who respects and loves me more than I could ever have hoped, I’ve traveled the world, I have a very successful career, I have a happy and peaceful home and **NONE** of that is because of him. I built a life of success out of spite.
You can’t change people – my grandma.
“You’re so replaceable. You’re nothing but a p*ssy and a mouth.” Currently with a man that loves me so much and sometimes those words still ring in the back of my mind. I don’t think they’ll ever go away but they’re easier to forget now
I don’t know if these are the words that have the most but it’s a great story and a weird example and I rarely get to tell it.
I was in my late twenties and super casually sleeping with a man much older. It was all on the up and up and actually very healthy. Good communication and expectations and lots of fun. We did this off and on for a couple of years.
Maybe about 6 months in we are laying there afterwards and he says he has to confess something which obviously makes me panic. He confesses he doesn’t remember my name. I laugh because there was a real possibility I gave him my fake name (there’s background that he knew so he also laughed about this. I’m leaving out a huge part of the story to save time. Trust me. The fake name wasn’t weird lol) but I also tell him I don’t know his. He’s in my phone as a very stupid nickname. He gets a little weirded out especially because I’m laughing about the nickname. In my mind, I’m laughing about it because it’s a silly inside joke with a friend that, if anything, is embarrassing for me. But he doesn’t know this and asks what the nickname is. I realize I presented this in a horrible way and he took it the wrong way because of this so I go to explain but he immediately stops me. Within a split second I saw his face completely change and he apologized and said that he trusted me and obviously I wouldn’t make fun of him or be cruel so he didn’t care about the nickname.
I think about this once a week. If I trust someone then I should trust their intentions even if they aren’t clear. I shouldn’t assume someone has bad intentions if I know they respect me. Sometimes people I’m cool with say or do something that seems suspect to me but I stop and ask myself if I’m assuming the worst about someone who has never given me a real reason to.
“Pull the wagon” – my dad. Idk what it means exactly but basically don’t half ass work, responsibilities, or self care. because it will come back to bite you in the butt.
“You’ll never be a great mother” My ex, I will admit we shared a few hurtful things out of anger but that one stuck.
I don’t know about the most, but there are things I’ve been told that have affected me deeply and will never forget. Few good ones, but mostly bad ones.
For example, my grandma and aunts would regularly tell me “Stop biting your fingernails. It’s disgusting and no man is gonna want to ever hold your hand with your frog fingers” Anytime a man holds my hand for the first time, or plays with my hand or fingers, I get anxious that they’ll yank their hand away from mine in disgust. I keep myself from biting them by having my nails always done with dip powder so my fingernails are long (almond shape and size so nothing crazy) and my fingertips no longer have that round shape that they get when people bite them.
I know what they said wasn’t true, and I can calm myself down when I get tense because a guy started holding my hand, but it sucks that I can’t seem to forget them.
Another example is from The Art of Not Giving a Fuck. I can’t quite recall the exact words, but the gist was “if you were to die right now, how would you feel about the fact that you spent so much of your time and energy being angry or upset about something work related?” This helped me a lot with how to deal with work stress because it was literally making me sick. So now whenever something or someone is pissing me off, I reminded myself of it, and try to let go of those feelings of anger and frustration.
“Be confident in yourself, trust your instincts, and don’t let anyone intimidate you” – My Mom
When you do the right thing for yourself, it is inherently the right thing for everyone else.
-bestie
Prior to quitting a previous job I had a discussion with a trusted coworker and he told me “They will never pay you what you’re worth. You’re worth your weight in gold [paused for a second]. Actually you’re worth a lot more than that. You’re pretty tiny”.
He also told me that I shouldn’t stay in a job because I think it’s what someone else (my family) wants me to do. They would want me to be happy and pursue an opportunity that will let me reach my full potential.
During that conversation he gave me the motivation and reassurance I needed to quit that job. Me quitting wasn’t in his best interest but he knew it was in mine and it by far is one of the best decisions I made to further my career in a heavily male dominated industry.
you deserve to be happy.
ive had this told to me two separate times from two separate people and both times it has hit different. i cried at both though… men that care for me i take to heart immensely.
Don’t sell yourself short.
“Pay yourself first.” – my Dad. Put money away for yourself first, for rainy days for retirement, for whatever. Then go after the wants and needs.
My dad is an alcoholic, and that’s what caused the divorce between him and my mom. But hearing the words “it’s not you” from him and my mom when I was in middle and high school probably kept my mental health from getting worse than it was during their divorce.
Unfortunately a lot of kids think it’s their fault their parents divorce or that their parent has an addiction, but both my parents really beat into me and my brother’s heads that “it wasn’t us” that were causing things.
The first day of class, my college journalism teacher told us the majority of us will never make it in journalism or go on to succeed in the field and definitely never write a book. He wasn’t even trying to push us to do well, just being an ass since he hated his job. Regardless, it still lit a fire under my ass to not be part of his dumb statistic.
Fourteen years later and I’m living proof he was wrong. (Still working on that book though).
My mom told me I was lazy in 9th grade and bet that if I applied myself I’d probably be a straight A student. That whipped me into shape and I’ve spent 25 years trying to prove to myself that I’m not lazy
You don’t have to earn rest. My mom said it once and it never left me
“You’re not trying hard enough” – 1st grade art teacher who couldn’t elaborate what I was doing wrong to be so much worse at drawing than the other kids, so I never drew again.
“Selfish bitch” – my mom who didn’t like the candy I bought her as a surprise, so I stopped buying or accepting gifts from anyone
“You’re too fucking retarded to ever live on your own, I’ll have to send you to a group home” – my dad every time I asked for help doing something, so I stopped asking for help with anything and started failing a lot in school
My mom said i was worth less than a pile of dirt once
My grandma would tell me everything she saw me doing wrong in life, and pointed it out in straight-shooter fashion. Then, she would tell me all the good qualities about myself that she loved. She always ended with “you’re a very good person.”
I appreciated that, and nobody has ever spoken to me that way ever since. She was right, and I miss her terribly.
A positive one: “Your evaluation, coupled with what you’ve talked with me about, suggests that you have Schizoid Personality Disorder.” I didn’t know what that was when the therapist I saw told me that in college, but after reading up on it, I found it really explained a lot about me.
A negative one (TW: CSA): >!”I’m not hurting you, silly goose. Stop crying.” The girl who babysat me and abused me when I was a child. She said a lot to me, but that will always be stuck in mind. I don’t really hate anyone in this world, except for her. For what she did to me. It really messed me up, and I seldom cry now, since doing so makes feel too much like I did back then. !<
You don’t have to love your family. That’s why you have friends. – my mom to me when I was five. (After my cartoonishly cruel aunt said something nasty to me and I asked my mom if I had to love my relatives.)
“I like your hair.”
Im black with curly hair and I always hated it, but then a boy I had a crush on in middle school ‘boinged’ my curl behind me and said that. Changed my whole perspective on my curls. Thanks Jacob ❤️
My great grandmother once told me that I couldn’t mow the lawn bc my brother could do it better bc he was a man and it was a mans job to take care of the lawn/yard/house/whatever, and that a woman’s job was to be in the kitchen and home cooking and cleaning. That was the moment that I decided I would never be a housewife or a servant for some man. It’s also lead to having the attitude that a person can’t do something better than me just bc they are a man, and that I can do things for myself and that I don’t need a man to do them. It’s led to me being very independent and not relying on anyone for anything. But, I also feel that it’s possible that I’ve lost out on some relationships of whatever type because of my inability to be soft and willing to entertain a traditional role in a relationship. Who knows. 🤷🏼♀️
“There’s a lot of names I could call you”
My dad after I worked up the courage to confront him about going to rehab for being an addict almost my entire childhood.
Be good to each other.
My mom. Applies universally.
“You don’t have to do everything alone.” My husband said that to me during one of my lowest points and it hit hard. I’ve always been the strong one, the overachiever, the fixer. Hearing that reminded me that leaning on someone doesn’t make me weak. It makes me human.
“Watch your word count at work. We all like you, when you don’t talk”
I should never have given birth to you. You are a mistake – my mom told me that repeatedly, on different occasions
It wasn’t said to me specifically; I heard it in an interview/talk show appearance of Craig Ferguson’s. I don’t think he coined it, but it’s where I heard it.
“Before you speak, ask yourself these 3 questions:
Does this need to be said?
Does this need to be said by me?
Does this need to be said by me right now?”
“Do the hard thing.” When in doubt, the best course of action is almost always the hardest one. From my utterly badass grandmother. Her voice in my head telling me to do the hard thing has gotten me through so many scary and heartbreaking situations. The path of least resistance is rarely the one I’ll be happy with looking back.
After talking about an abusive ex, and how many people didn’t see our breakup coming, nor knew how badly my ex treated me, My mom told me “Anyone you keep around you instantly becomes a more beautiful person.”
In this context it didn’t just mean looks, it meant they were also perceived as being a better person too. I took this seriously as it made me realize that the space I hold in this world matters more than I thought, and that I had to make sure that the people I was amplifying held good beliefs too.
When I come to my Mom with a problem, no solution, and slim chances of making a decision she tells me “something will happen “
Basically indecision is also a decision. She is magic.
When I was a young girl, my mother told me that I did not deserve any friends. That I made her miserable and she wanted to just go away so she no longer had to be around me.
I went through a really hard time in middle school and was suicidal. I’d spend all day at school watching the clock until I could go home and do it just about everyday that year. Years later I told my mom and she said it wasn’t true, she’d have known.
She also refused to let me talk about the most traumatic day of my life – the day she almost died in front of me. I understand it’s traumatic for her too but she could have gotten me therapy or someone else to listen. A few weekends ago she made a joke about therapy hours being 50 min but she wouldn’t know bc she’s never been and then she made this laugh afterwards that came across very judgmental of those who have. It really made me feel awkward bc as an adult I finally got myself the therapy I needed.
I was an anxious mess for a lot of years when I didn’t need to be and the person who could have helped me invalidated my feelings. Really stuck w me and made it hard to trust people and let them in.