Hi I’m StayC and first time ko mag post dito so, not sure how this all works but there’s no harm in trying. Here we go, I’m a girl in my early twenties in college and I’m dating; online dating this guy I met on his own stream, he is in his mid twenties.
Flashback to a couple months ago, It was summer I had no classes at bored ako nun and I was scrolling on this social media platform. It was an early morning, wala pa akong tulog nun and I decided to watch livestreams. I play an RPG game and this one streamer was streaming the same game. It was interesting and super galing niya magbigay ng advice about playing the game. After nun, tumatambay na ako lagi sa stream niya. I’m a very silent viewer and I commented for the first time after a day and he noticed me. Iilan lang kaming nandun nakanuod sa kanya. And so after niya akong manotice, of course naging masaya ako, because he was starting to become one of my favorite streamers on that app and he was super nice.
Fast forward, we started to talk after he sent me a private message saying “thank you” for always watching and supporting him. And the rest is nag usap na kami about normal stuff, basically we started to become close.
Nag-uusap na kami lagi to the point na we started to I guess like each other, he liked me, I liked him, naging kami.
Getting to know him for the past couple of months is like sobrang hirap, like push and pull. I’ve been seeing redflags, but since well, tanga ako, I chose to ignore those redflags and I’m one of those women who believe that we could change the person we love. He is very nonchalant most of the time, he gets angry at the smallest things, he doesn’t like being controlled (the truth is hinahayaan ko lang siya on whatever he wants to do), he wants to play and work (so basically he’s busy and claims na he wants to do whatever he wants, he made it clear to me once.) without getting interruption and pressure from having to stay on call while playing. Apparently nappressure siya daw cuz sometimes I have small talks whenever he’s playing. I don’t know why he’s so pressured though, I’m not really interrupting all that much and he could tell me that he wants to play naman, I won’t bother, I understand gamers a lot, games are like their lifeblood, importante yun sakanila at alam ko naman yung pinasukan ko, expected na yun na they will play a lot. He doesn’t post me on any social media platform, not even one, but posts my gifts with thank you captions. He says he wants to be “low-key” pero I did a little stalking (I know it’s wrong but I couldn’t help it.) and found out he did the opposite to his exes (not sure if ginawa nya sa lahat ng naging ex niya but yes, he has posted some of them) Honestly, I didn’t mind being lowkey before, but he talked to other girls before, at the time na nag uusap pa lang kami. I know doon pa lang lumayo na sana ako, pero may feelings na ako sa kanya and I honestly liked him a lot. I confronted him, forgave him when he apologized, and gave him one more chance kasi maghihiwalay na sana kami eh, but one last chance. That’s why I’ve been asking him to post me, kahit myday lang, it’s fine. But he says no, lowkey daw eh. So all in all basically he hasn’t been treating me very well and I still chose to understand him. Mahaba pasensya ko and I’ve been thinking na he will change one day, given na he’s been calling me almost 24/7 even at his wfh or playing or livestreaming. He wants to eat with me, watch movies with me, and of course di daw mawawala yung bebetime talaga, but that is “sometimes” only. But even so, it still gives me small hopes of him changing.
Lately, I’ve been planning on going to him. Yes, meeting him talaga. Malayo kami sa isa’t isa and this is a huge decision for me to do and not an easy one. Gusto niya na magkita na kami, he’s not rushing me at all, he understands na I’m a student and I have my priorities. This is why I’m planning to go when I’m free na wala nang classes. I got permission from both of my parents na I want to go travel, only for a couple days, like 3-4 days. And they agreed. Di pa nila alam yung tungkol sa amin. And that’s my problem, I already met his parents (we only exchanged hi’s and hello’s.) and they wouldn’t believe I’m his gf, because this is ldr online, akala nila I’m only pretending to be his gf.
I want him to meet my parents kasi gusto ko din maging legal kaming dalawa. And so, this is my plan, pupuntahan ko siya to prove to his parents that I am real at totoong gf niya ako.
I told him na makakapunta na ako, not now but soon. He called me and we talked. Pero what made me pissed off is yung sabi ko pupunta ako dun and I asked him if he’s willing to do the same, basically aakyat siya ng ligaw. My parents don’t mind me having a bf as long as may respeto sa kanila, that’s all. And he said, hindi. Sabi ko sa kanya, “I’m willing to do efforts for you pero di mo kayang gawin sakin pabalik?”. He answers, “Mag eeffort, igagala kita dito.” It sounded so stupid. Natural, he’s gonna have to come here, lalaki siya ha? Ako pang mauunang pupunta sa kanya. He says no and proceeds to joke about me na akyatan ko daw siya ng ligaw and stuff. And that makes me think if tutuloy pa ba ako? He’s not giving any assurance na aakyatan niya ako ng ligaw, para maging legal na kami both sides. He also joked about three days is enough to make a baby. Dun na talaga ako na off. I like to plan my future, but a baby isn’t included in my early plans, tsaka na yun pag nahanap ko na mapapangasawa ko and when I’m stable.
I have been trying to keep this relationship afloat kasi mahal na mahal ko siya. But lately he’s been giving me a lot of reasons to give up but I keep on trying to find reasons to stay. His past relationships, he says weren’t good and so I’m trying to prove here that I’m not like his exes and I’m different. If you think I’m naive and tanga, I’m sorry. I love him too much, there are times when we’re goods naman talaga eh. But I’ve been getting drained and tired. Kapagod din umintindi, I’m fighting a battle alone and sometimes I’m fighting against him. What should I do? Tutuloy pa ba ako? And do you have any advice for me and staying in this relationship? Should I stay and help or wait for him to change? I’ll take any advice, just please don’t say anything bad towards me.