Wife is having self image issues which makes her not feel like having sex or any kind of intimacy. We talked about and I decided a while ago I wasn’t go to beg for sex. So last couple of years we have been intimate less then 4 times.
I’m not looking for a divorce , but this did make me start looking for Affair partner.
I’m not looking to totally disrupt my family , but I’m also not looking to live in a sexless marriage.
16 comments
Is this a confessional post or are you seeking advice on something? Probably want to check out r/adultery
You need to either explain to her exactly what you have posted, or show her the post. Hard conversation but she needs to know where you are in the relationship regarding intimacy. If you talk and she is willing to open up the relationship, and you can do this together great! Otherwise, it’s better to just split and move on than create a toxic environment for your future.
Why not support her and help her with this? Mc or ic? Going outside the marriage will solve nothing. If you don’t want to be a partner then let her go so she can find somebody who will. Have you asked her what could help her? Why she feels that way? There are books you could read together to help with intimacy. Where did she get these views of herself from? If you love her support and help her. Have insight into your thoughts and actions toward this. Best wishes
She needs to see a professional, this is a long period to have insecurities or self esteem issues.
As u/Sandman1025 said, you’re going to have to give more information and something other than monosyllabic responses if you truly want “advise”.
Cheating on your partner is never the answer.
If your wife truly isn’t interested in having sex, talk to her about opening up the marriage.
If she says no, you have a decision to make; stay, knowing and accepting her boundaries and sexual preferences or leave and pursue a sexual relationship elsewhere.
Won’t beg for sex but will have affair. Lol. Okay dude, your wife is going to find out if you have an affair. Whether it’s before or after you start it. Or 10 years down the road.
Just contact a lawyer, you’re not stuck in anything.
No, No, No.
You do not get to have your cake and eat it too! You don’t get to have relations with an *affair partner,* then go home and play families with your wife. Its one or the other.
You need to man up and choose one of two options:
1. You both (wife) need to decide to go ahead with a divorce. That way you both can work on finding the happiness you lost. – or –
2. Attend couples therapy and get to the bottom of why your wife feels like she does. Maybe she’s feeling like things are beyond her control right now. Take the time to listen to her needs. And she should do the same for you. Therapy can help that.
Whatever road you both choose to go down, I hope you find yourselves again. Best of luck Op.
Cheating on your spouse destroys their lives, their trust in humans for decades, and their self esteem. Letting your wife know that no sex is a dealbreaker so you’re parting before you cheat is MUCH more honorable as well as less destructive to her soul.
It’s okay to leave your spouse for putting you in a sexless marriage, it’s not okay to cheat on her.
If your wife is not interested in sex at all, is she willing to acknowledge that it is a need for you? Have you ever talked to her about the fact that you don’t want to beg for sex but you still need it? I would start with an honest conversation about that and give her an opportunity to think through it.
Having an affair is obviously very risky if you don’t want to lose the relationship you have with your wife. You might get away with it. The guilt might eat at you and once you’ve done it you won’t be able to escape it. She could find out and then, no matter what the outcome, there will be some really rough years as a result of the affair. If you consider all of that and decide you’re willing to risk it, I would suggest that getting a divorce is probably less painful than most of the outcomes of an affair.
But being sexless and having an affair are not your only options. Ethical Non-Monogamy works well for some couples, but it isn’t something you should jump into until you have spent time learning about it and yourselves. If she is a long way from being interested in sex but you are done waiting for it, there might be some ways you can compromise that will keep your family intact without risking implosion. It will take patience, difficult conversations, and a lot of understanding- but all of those things stand to make your relationship stronger. Having lots of open conversations about physical and emotional needs may bring more intimacy or it may highlight the space between you.
Skip straight to the divorce and save everyone some time and heartbreak
So, instead of talking to your wife about getting individual counseling to get to the root of her self-esteem issue and her refusing to have sex with you, your solution is to be an asshole and cheat?
She has self esteem issues and you feel cheating is the route to go?!
Dude. Get your head or of your ass. When she finds out that you’ve been stepping out with someone else, and she will because women just KNOW, that is going to send her over the edge.
How old are y’all?
Several years of image issues it sounds like she’s done nothing to address. She needs to understand in no uncertain terms that her passivity/laziness is killing her marriage. In my opinion, sex is an essential piece of the puzzle. Frequency is up for discussion of course, but there needs to be some regularity.
Being the bad guy by cheating is better than talking about divorce???