For a long time, I have felt like my girlfriend has been using me, and it has become harder and harder to ignore. We have been together for almost a decade, and for years I believed we were building a future together. I stayed committed through good times and bad times because I loved her and thought we were working toward the same goals. Looking back now, I question how much of that was real.
Things really started changing around 2020. Before then, we had our issues like any couple, but something felt different after that. Her attitude toward me shifted, and our relationship became more distant. One of the biggest problems was our sex life. We stopped being intimate because she questioned whether I was a “real lesbian” after I told her that performing certain sexual acts was not something I was comfortable with. That hurt me deeply because my sexual orientation should not be judged based on one preference. I later learned that many lesbians have different boundaries and preferences, and there are even terms like “pillow princess” that describe people who prefer certain dynamics. Instead of trying to understand me, it felt like she used that issue to make me feel inadequate.
Over time, I also started feeling like everything revolved around her needs and her feelings. Whenever there was a problem, somehow I became the one who was blamed. She began saying that now that she is in her 30s, she is a changed woman and no longer wants to be with someone she considers childish or immature. Hearing that from someone who has shared so many years of my life felt insulting and dismissive. She even suggested that I date other people to figure out whether I truly wanted to be with a woman. That confused me because I have never cheated on her, never questioned my attraction to women, and never considered leaving our relationship for a man.
What made things worse was discovering messages that made me question her honesty. One day I looked through her phone and saw conversations that suggested she was focused on building her finances so she could eventually leave me. Meanwhile, she continued acting affectionate, telling me she wanted to spend time with me and making it seem like we were still working on our relationship. That contradiction left me feeling manipulated.
I also noticed that she started taking a lot of advice from coworkers at Amazon. These are people I have never met, yet it seemed like they knew details about me and our relationship. Suddenly their opinions carried weight, while my feelings and experiences did not. It felt like outsiders were influencing decisions about a relationship they were not part of.
One of the most painful discoveries was seeing a message about her ex. She said she would have taken a bullet for that person. Reading those words hurt because when it comes to me, the woman who has spent nearly ten years by her side, she says I am just “not it right now.” That contrast made me feel disposable.
At this point, I am left questioning whether I was truly loved or whether I was simply convenient. After years of loyalty, sacrifice, and commitment, I feel like I have been holding on to a relationship that she may have emotionally checked out of long ago.
TL;DR i just don't understand what she want from me/