I'm sorry this is going to be insanely long.
Backstory: I met/started dating a guy around a month ago. It was originally supposed to be a casual situation, but we both caught feelings pretty much immediately. We hooked up on the first date, which is something I never do, but I just instantly felt so safe and at ease in his presence. After about a week, I trusted him to take my virginity, which was something important to me. Especially after that, we got pretty close pretty fast, and he said he loved me within three weeks. I said it back, at the time not feeling in love, but by now I have said it so much and have such strong feelings that I might honestly love him.
Issue: About 1.5 weeks ago, he started pulling away. He already was not as good of a texter as I would have liked, but I could always rely on a text for good morning, going to work, and goodnight. However, he stopped telling me he was going to work, and eventually stopped saying goodnight. Goodnight specifically is something that is really important to me, and I have continued to say it without getting anything back. We also used to call for hours and see each other every few days. Now, I haven't seen him in a week and our longest conversation since then has been 10 minutes.
The second day that he stopped communicating, he told me he was having "mood swings" which I did not realize meant a depressive episode. When I saw him the next day (the last time I saw him) it was very clear that he was depressed. We continued to barely speak, and I was hurting really badly but doing my best to be understanding. A few days later, he told me had actually been dealing with the effects of coming down off of repeated use of a stimulant. I have very little experience with these sorts of things, but he told me that the comedown combined with his depression could make him antisocial and non communicative for up to a month. And just this last week has been so horrendous for me emotionally, I don't know that I could stand it for a month.
I have tried so so hard to be understanding and give him space, but it hurts me so bad, especially since I was insanely happy in the beginning, before he got like this. I had two different people tell me I was glowing, and I was raving about him to anyone who would listen. Now I just feel broken and deeply sad. I miss him and I miss how we were and I want him back so deeply. He's all I want and I feel like my body genuinely craves his comfort both physically and emotionally. I feel like my whole system is crashing out, and I know its completely illogical to be so attached to someone I've only known a month, but I can't help it. I miss how happy I was when I was with him and we were good. I know logically that he still cares, and sometimes on the rare times we do talk, he still tells me loves me, but I can't help but feel like if he loved me he would want to see me and talk to me.
A few nights ago, things got really overwhelming. I'm graduating high school, so this is already a really difficult period for me, and he had said that we should talk about what's going on both with him and with me. We were supposed to talk, and I messaged him regarding that multiple times, called multiple times with no answer, and ended up spiraling to the point of crying for hours and on the phone with a crisis hotline. For context, the last time I considered harming myself was the day I both got deferred from my dream school and my ex returned all our sentimental items.
Yesterday, we called for like 10 minutes, our longest conversation in a week, and he said I could see him today. He ended up canceling on me right before I was supposed to come over, citing a depressive episode and saying that he wanted to be alone. I again spiraled and ended up crying for hours. I had taken that call and those plans as a sign that everything would be okay, especially since he seemed normal and happy on the phone, but that all got ripped out from under me.
I know logically that I should give him space, that it's not his fault, and that he will come back when he's ready. On the other hand, it hurts so bad having such an amazing relationship essentially ripped away from me. We are already going to break up when I leave for college in three months, and this feels like we are wasting the little time we have together. I also just graduated from high school yesterday, and haven't had my usual routine in place for the last week, almost exactly when he started pulling away. But now on top of losing my connection and time with him, I have lost my safe space and larger support system outside fo my closest friends.
Options: I have a few options, but I don't know what to do. I could stay in the position I'm in now, where I just hang on to the breadcrumbs he gives me while trying to decenter him from my life and ease my attachment to him and what we had. This is probably still going to hurt me like it has been thus far, but hopefully will get better with time, and seems the most realistic.
I could also break up with him, but tell him that I'll be here when he is feeling better and that I still want to be with him. But that will still hurt me, and I would not have him at all, and I would rather have some of him than none of him. With this I'm also scared that he won't come back to me.
I want the real him back more than anything but its so deeply affecting me that i don't know what to do. I feel so sad without him. I'm trying to do all the right things by spending time with friends and staying in routines and telling myself all the logical facts I know, it just hurts beyond belief. Please help me, and please answer with empathy. I'm young and have never navigated something like this and this is my desperate attempt at figuring out how to ease this pain.
TLDR: new guy I'm dating has gone ghost because of depression and I'm spiraling because of my attachment to him and I miss him deeply. please help me.