TLDR:
I told my husband I’m emotionally checking out of our marriage after years of feeling dismissed and unheard despite recent counseling, and although he admits in therapy his behavior contributes to it, he continues the same patterns and even checked the time when I told him I’m losing feelings.
Update: we went to marriage counseling today; I thought with me sharing my feelings and the marriage counselor explaing in a way my husband could understand my feelings would help the situation. My husband after the meeting told me he loves me and cares for me but we both are in charge of our own happiness and feelings. And said, just like our therapist said we are to be in charge of our own happiness and hold that accountability.
During the meeting I had felt that finally he will understand my own feelings with a marriage counselor with over 25 years of experience.
Nope
Just expects me to sit here and be happy while I feel miserable. I'm sorry, let me slap a smile on my face and be filled with pure joy that my husband makes jokes that hurt my feelings about my body; talks about himself mid way through a conversation of me opening up to him and tells me I'm pretty much at fault for this one time that something happened…. That isn't even related to the conversation.
When I'm upset at him at times he goes: " did you take your medication today?"
"Did you get enough sleep and eat food yet."
Like, sir I have done all those things.
While I was pregnant with my first daughter his example of a joke was:
Ewwww! When he saw my belly have stretch marks; needless to say my doula was livid.
Yes let me feel happy that after I'm made a wonderful meal I appreciate him 10x for making me in told, " c'mon I made you a yummy snack remember, so you can't get upset at me for making you unhappy about something."
My husband was saying how genuine,sweet,kind, loving and caring of a person I am and how it started to fade over the years and he had said and admitted that it is probably because of the way he's been treating me and then laid out said things that I've been saying for YEARS…
Then yet….
Goes back to his old self after therapy.
Then asks me why I've been distant with him and what's causing all of these feelings….
You just admitted to why you know and where you know things have went wrong in therapy but then pretend to not know after???
Our counselor is so concerned for our marriage that she called for emergency meetings in the next weeks back to back to talk about things.
Does this man think I'm 5 second Steve!?
I think I'll just be checked out of this marriage for a long time.
I don't want to hear any of you defending this man.
Original post:
I'm a SAHM with two girls who are 2.5 yro and 1 yro.
We share a car and live with his parents ( yes I understand this is awful I've heard this a million and one times lol)
Told my (33M) husband that I'm (26F) starting to feel emotionally unsafe with voicing my feelings and that most times I speak up, I'm brushed to the side or the cycle repeats it's self. Been together 6 years married 4 years.
Yesterday I was crying about a flash back of my C-section I had and was bawling my eyes out. Husband comes over, holds my hand and said it's okay he's here for me; less than 20 seconds later he mentioned the argument we had the other day and how he pulled it up on our dash cam and mentioned he did apologize the other day and I was mean to him when he apologized and started talking about how he felt that wasn't right and so forth.
I look this man dead in the face and said, do you actually think this is a good time to bring this up? He laughed and said no.
This is just the tip of the iceberg.
Now he is over all a wonderful husband task wise but emotionally, he's got the intelligence for a grape when it comes to emotions.
We are in marriage counseling for now about 1.5 months and it seems to not work for us but my marriage counselor told me this week we definitely all need to talk since I told her I feel the materials that we are learning is turning into a weapon formed against me in conversations and I feel my fears are targeted.
I talked to him today about how I needed to tell him I'm emotionally becoming exhausted and starting to feel like I don't want him touching me anymore, I don't find him sexually attractive anymore, I don't care to be around him I rather be on my phone and be away from him ect.ect.
This man looks at his phone mid conversation, looks at the time and says, " I don't think we are going to make it to the museum because we are taking too long." I got up and just started getting things ready to go and he later asked, " do you want to talk about the conversation we were having earlier?"
I said," nope that conversation ended remember?"
He says, "no it didn't."
I just completely changed the topic and disregarded what he had to say because I could care less. His disinterest in the conversation of me basically falling out of love with him seemed not important to him.
( we went from having sex in the past that was every 2 days multiple times a day to where now I don't care to have sex at all, haven't had sex for 2 weeks and the last time we had sex I was entirely detached emotionally to where I just laid there and didn't even make a sound, I was literally numb down there like I couldn't feel anything.)
We both do individual therapy and are working on ourselves ( started 2 weeks ago)
Should I just be mentally checking out from hence forth?