Here is a reference post about my loss and grief – give it a read and you'll understand.
But here is a TL;DR: After losing my mother to cancer in 2021, my father fell into severe alcoholism and depression out of grief. I spent four years caretaking alongside work, and eventually prepared to donate a portion of my liver to save him from liver failure. Tragically, he passed away from an infection right before the transplant. Devastated but realizing I am now fully on my own, I have committed to a journey of self-improvement and physical and mental recovery to become a stronger independent adult.
I started my physical health journey a month back and physically I feel very good and I can see my muscles growing from the hard work I am putting into it. But the most heavy part if my mental health and my job.
I work at a startup as a software engineer and the people there are really good. The problem is that I am left behind in a lot of areas because of my mental health and the struggles I went through. Now I feel burned out, I am not able to bring myself to work. Some times when there is enough work for me to do I don't do it because no matter how much I try I get tired very easily. And somedays I don't have much work to do and those those I overthink that I am not getting enough work so I'll be replaced easily. It feels like I have no skills, I have no ability to work. I am anxious all the time and overthinking all the time.
Now comes the real part – I am marrying my school friend this year (probably December 2026) and I cannot marry her like this. I cannot give her a miserable husband. I need to work something out before all this. But what should I do? I am so lost and clueless – everything feels so overwhelming. Should I take a break from work and focus on myself? Should I take a sabbatical?
I am so confused, anxious and scared at this point.