I'm 23F and my problem is I keep forming crushes on friends/people when I know things probably should stay platonic. How do I know the difference between like and limerence?

I dated a guy through college who really sucked and kept taking advantage of my kindness, but I couldn't seem to shake him. In between one of our dating attempts, I met a guy in class who I couldn't shake my feelings for. I kept thinking, "he's really not my type, but why am I feeling this?" I really liked being his friend though, and I kept feeling this strong desire to be more. We decided to try to be together, but it only lasted a few months before I realized we weren't compatible (I'm loud mouthed and he was veryyyy embarrassed) and I cut things off. I feel so guilty about it and wish I'd left our relationship platonic instead of trying to act on my crush; he's a great friend, just not someone I should have tried to date.

I'm now running into the same problem. I'm one year post grad, finally shook that awful on-and-off man child, and am several months into healing and self improving. The problem…
I think I'm developing a crush on a very close friend. This friend is someone I've been close with for years, someone who knows a lot about me and has always respected me, and I've gotten the vibe in the past he may have slight feelings occasionally. I have felt the same way about him, also occasionally, but always brushed it off bc… he was indeed man child's roommate years ago. Yikes.

This friend is beyond sweet, very gentle yet not submissive, and I like how easy our friendship is. I saw him this past weekend and he was the whole package; held doors and bags, paid for food/drinks/ubers, drove everywhere, always down for whatever adventure I suggested, had heartfelt conversations, and was very attentive. I went into the weekend knowing I was feeling conflicted, and this only made things worse. The reason I'm posting here is because there are a million problems:

  1. he's not as political as I am and I worry he'll get embarrassed like the other guy
  2. he is friends with numerous people who have really burned me in the past
  3. he lives about an hour away and I don't prefer long distance obviously
  4. he doesn't date a lot so I don't know what kind of partner he is
  5. and I'm once again thinking, "he's really not my type, but why am I feeling this?"

I don't know if I'm feeling like I have a crush because stand up guys are rare, or if I really feel something more. So my question: How do I know for sure without trying it out and risking everything in the process? If it is just respect for him and his incredible personality, why does it feel romantic? I'm always down to try out a crush, but not when its one of my closest friends.

P.S. I have always been a bit anxious about trusting partners and have also been called out for autistic tendencies, if that changes my narrative at all.


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