I’m a 24 year old man. My life just plain sucks.
I don’t really have a family. My mother passed when I was young, my father ditched us, and my brother has always been in and out of prison/jail. He doesn’t seem interested in being in my life, I keep sending him letters and putting money on his phone, but he never says anything back.
I did go to college. I got in on scholarship and I did pretty well in my humanities program. It sucks, the usual advice for people like me is “learn a trade”, but I am very good at my field of study and I do enjoy it if I let myself. I dropped out my first time because I just wasn’t used to the stability of being a college student (I know it sounds crazy but that’s what it was). I pretty much threw away a solid shot at life when I did that. I even had a long term girlfriend and everything. That was years ago, though.
I’m back in school now, though. But I’m working full time too. I hate my job, a manager at a “fast casual” chain. I’m being paid next to nothing and putting in more work than I should. I also work weekends and haven’t had one to myself in about 4 years now. Everybody I work with, too, is absolutely miserable. People younger than me constantly call out because they hate their jobs and have (genuinely) better things to do than go to work, people older than me feel completely trapped and self medicate or breakdown at work.
Despite this, I’ve done the things you’re supposed to when you’re like me. I’m active in my community, I have a lot of friends (that I never get to see), I’ve been in therapy for 3 or so years, and I keep myself busy/physically active. I don’t know, though. My life feels empty. I think it’s more than just being behind in life while all of my friends are doing amazing things. I just don’t see any hope in ever being able to overcome where I came from. Maybe I just need to get laid? It’s been years because I’ve been so damn busy.
I’m considering quitting my job and just living off my meager savings for a while to figure this out. I always got the sense that youth is supposed to be fun, that I’m supposed to enjoy life in general, but also being in your “prime”, but I haven’t enjoyed a day of it. I’ve talked to my therapist about this, I’ve asked for medication, but she said she wasn’t sure it was a medical issue. I don’t know. Recently a friend asked me about my life, and I answered honestly. She then asked me if I could name a single positive thing I have going on, and all I could say is I have my health. Is this just what life is?